Your \”good intentions\” are killing your children\’s creativity

I had a dinner date with a friend two days ago, and the conversation turned into a \”psychological consultation.\” My friend works in a university that is envied by many people. She has winter and summer vacations every year, but she says she is extremely anxious. She is more tired than anyone else. Lectures, scientific research, administration, and further studies all have to be compromised, and she may not be able to succeed. Well done. What made her even more uncomfortable was that she didn\’t like this step-by-step rhythm at all. \”Do you remember? When we were studying together, I loved painting. I also liked putting makeup on people.\” She suddenly asked me with her eyes shining brightly. \”Remember\”, indeed, she was a painting genius at that time. I could only copy, but she didn\’t need any reference. She could sketch out the imaginary pictures in her mind with just a few strokes. She was especially good at drawing characters, and she had the talent to do costume design. The pictures are literary and artistic, and the close-ups are also smart and lifelike. I asked, \”Are you still painting? You should continue!\” \”No, I haven\’t painted for a long time. I have no interest, not at all.\” She tried her best to deny any suggestion that I asked her to pick up the paintbrush again, \”No. Time, no interest.\” While recalling the past, he beamed with joy, \”Oh, I was so creative back then! I can\’t go back.\” He was particularly conflicted. Chatting with friends, what happened? She told me: She liked painting and things related to artistic creation when she was a child. Her parents did not interfere much at first, thinking it would not affect her studies. But since high school, her parents wanted her to focus on her studies. Once, a friend accidentally mentioned that she wanted to be admitted to the Academy of Fine Arts and become an art major. Her parents were furious: \”Can I make a living by studying this major? You must read your books carefully.\” !\” A friend said that instead of encouraging her artistic talent, her parents always made her feel inadequate and inferior in knowledge. For example, if she asked a casual question, \”What country is where and where is it?\” If her friend couldn\’t answer, her parents would He would say to her: \”This is not common sense. Only one person knows it. Why don\’t you know it?\” After hinting along the way, she felt that she was really lacking in this aspect. Later, in a self-study class in high school, the Chinese teacher saw that she was secretly drawing people again. She picked it up and took a look at it, sneered again, and then did a strange move: she went to the blackboard and drew a picture with a similar concept but a different meaning. The extremely ugly figures… A friend said that at that moment, she felt that painting was extremely boring, and her inspiration and talent were over. Later, she was very good. She went to college, got married and had children, and her life was generally going smoothly. However, she was slightly unhappy. Her parents said she thought too much, and her husband said she was \”pretentious\”, but no one understood her. Looking at the children who were jumping around and drawing on the ground, she said that she was particularly sad: \”I was like that when I was a child, but unfortunately it disappeared when I grew up.\” I was very emotional after hearing this, not because of a possible painting genius. Stifled, but a good friend when he grew up, he even lost the ability to treat his childhood hobbies as interests and make himself happy. And examples like this are not uncommon: Looking back, when we were children, we were all curious inventors. We loved to try things, imagine things wildly, and ask why… But now, we are used to it. Rely on experience and habits, full of anxiety about starting from scratch: Installing something is not enoughIt won’t be possible if there is a manual; when doing a new project, I especially want to know if there is any reference from previous experience… Not only at the personal level, but also at the enterprise and national level, it is more \”Made in China\” than \”Created in China\”. We have cultivated Many children with excellent academic performance find it difficult to see Chinese people winning awards in innovation competitions… Why do we become less creative as we get older? Because of education. I remembered something that happened to Xiao Yezi when he was in his hometown a while ago. She said she really wanted to draw dinosaurs, but her grandma’s house didn’t have any dinosaur toys, so she didn’t know how to draw them, so I searched for pictures on my iPad and gave them as a reference. However, when she still said she couldn\’t do it or that the painting was very \”abstract\”, her grandma became anxious and quickly drew one next to her, trying to teach the child: \”Does it look like to you? Does it look like? You can draw like this.\” …\” Soon, I discovered that Xiao Yezi was particularly concerned about the \”resemblance\”. Every time he drew a stroke, he kept mumbling, \”What I drew doesn\’t look like it!\” \”Why doesn\’t it look like it?\” He lost it after a while. Patiently, she said, \”I don\’t want to draw anymore!\” After a day or two, she tried to draw dinosaurs again, but she had to ask me to open the iPad and have a reference picture before she would draw. Otherwise, she would continue to collapse, \”I can\’t draw! I can\’t draw.\” Can draw!\” Although it is just a small thing, when I think about my previous painting state, I have realized that this is not a child\’s problem, but a parent. It is too easy to destroy a child\’s creativity. These may be the \”minefields\” we are stepping on every minute: 1. Control: impose the adult\’s wishes on the child – come on, come on, you have to do whatever you have to do… 2. Demonstration: lack of patience, especially like \”Teach\”, let the children \”imitate\”, \”copy\” – you see, you should do this… 3. Right or wrong: pay attention to the standard answer – your drawing is wrong, it doesn\’t look like a dinosaur! Is this the right way to draw… The child was originally a little genius full of creativity, but after being constrained by these rules and regulations, he gradually became too lazy to resist and accept what adults said. Although he seemed very well-behaved and obedient, in fact, the child would slowly Losing individuality, or even losing independent personality, is the saddest thing. So how to cultivate children\’s creativity? In fact, creativity does not need to be cultivated deliberately. Just look at our little babies. They don’t need to be too creative. The only thing we have to do is: less intervention and more protection. 1. Observe more: Whenever you can’t help but want to intervene, help, or give your child a standard answer, stop and wait, hold back your own opinions, and don’t judge. 2. Ask more questions: Don’t look at the child’s attempts from an adult perspective, but stay curious and ask the child more, “What is this?” “Can you explain it to me?” “Can you tell me about yours?” Do you have an idea?\” 3. Be more encouraging: Be more affirmative of your child\’s creativity. Even if you don\’t agree with it in your heart, encourage your child to try and imagine wildly: \”Wow! That\’s what you think!\” \”Well, what\’s your idea? It\’s interesting.\” \”You are a thinking child.\” \”You figured it out on your own!\” Depending on the age of the child, it is also a method to provide the child with toys that can use creativity (such as construction, role-playing). This time I go to the United States and bring it back to Little LeafI bought two sets of Lego toys, one with a medical theme and one with a Batman theme. The former one does not look as beautiful as the \”Cinderella\” series, and the latter one looks more \”boyish\”, but I bought it that way on purpose. The main reason is that I don’t want to limit my children through gender and my own preferences. Little Leaf had a lot of fun. Batman had many different-sex building blocks. My husband briefly explained the relationship between the characters. For example, Batman can sit in a tank, Mr. Penguin has a magic umbrella, and Little Penguin is on an iceberg… After a while, The little guy started arranging and combining by himself. As I was taking a sip of water, I noticed that she had placed another set of nurses on Batman\’s tank and was preparing to fire cannonballs. My first reaction was, Huh? Struck? Soon, I held back and said to Xiao Zizi, \”Wow, the little nurse is here too. Okay, who are you going to shoot?\” \”Little room paper!\” \”Okay!\”… You might say , I will try my best to protect my children\’s creativity, but sometimes creativity means going against the rules, and we can\’t predict what kind of teachers our children will encounter in school. Yes, protecting children’s imagination is not inconsistent with church rules. No matter what the environment the child encounters in the future, at least the encouragement in family education will open a small window of freedom for the child: if the child cannot grow up because he has grown up, Without losing some fun, I hope that he will not have empty memories like my friends, but have the ability to regain interest and enjoy it. If you love your children, don’t restrict their creativity and give them more freedom.