If it weren\’t for children, you would have been divorced long ago? [Too much helplessness]

A few days ago, friends said that they were frightened by colleagues in the company. Because a colleague in the same department who was a new mother suddenly stood on the balcony on the 8th floor and cried loudly at noon. She used to come to work with eyes swollen from crying, and everyone knew it in a evasive manner. But no one can really comfort her. Because no matter what you say, she will always say in the end: \”If it weren\’t for the child, I would have divorced long ago. But…\” She sometimes says that what she regrets most is giving birth to a child. If I had the choice again, I would never get married so hastily. Before marriage, her husband talked sweetly to her, did not play games, and did not drink or smoke. But after only one year of marriage, he almost hung himself on the game console. If you can still bear all this, just treat it as if you have given birth to a son and practice your skills first. At least he can still earn some living expenses. But after having a daughter, my mother-in-law moved into this small home that was not spacious. Then everything changed. Mother and son have the final say in everything, and the son obeys his mother in everything. When eating, mother put all the delicious food into her son\’s bowl. My son worked overtime on a business trip, and the meals cooked by my mother-in-law were all leftovers from the vegetable market. When my son comes back for dinner one day, he will be able to see chicken, duck and fish. At that time, she was sallow and thin and had to breastfeed. But the mother-in-law ignored her because she didn\’t give their family a fat grandson. I feel like it is a great blessing to be able to come and take care of her. So that day she stood on the balcony of the company and burst into tears. All the colleagues in the office were frightened. After she calmed down, she told her friend that she really thought about jumping that day, but when she thought about her daughter, she could only blame herself for finding the wrong person. But no matter what her friends said, she still said she would not get a divorce. She said that for the sake of her children and her own face, she was afraid that the parents in her hometown would not be able to bear it. As a result, I have been suffering. Her complexion is getting worse and worse, her temper is getting worse and worse, and she always walks alone. In the end, it may be harmful to yourself, and it may not be a good thing for the growth of your children. A long time ago a mother wrote a letter asking for help. She said that her second baby had just turned one year old recently, and she accidentally discovered that her husband was cheating on her. But looking at her three-year-old Dabao and her second baby who just turned one year old, she is in pain every day. She thought about divorcing her husband, but was afraid of hurting her two children. Now I try to stay happy when facing my children. But sometimes I would be in a daze and cry. When my eldest son saw it, he would ask what was wrong. I can only tell the child that my mother’s eyes have been uncomfortable recently and she keeps crying. The sensible son always said to give her a blowjob. She said she didn\’t know what to do? Should I get a divorce or continue to endure it? Living such a life every day, I feel like I am wearing a mask, and it feels more and more painful day by day. The final result of many such marriages is often like this: a family with problems will give rise to all kinds of problems, and the harm to the children is even greater than the harm of divorce. Children who don\’t know the truth can often feel the \”distortion\” of their families. They may not understand it all at once when they are young, but they can always see the difference between their parents and other adults. And parents who constantly quarrel or hurt each other will only leave permanent pain in the hearts of their children. The longer this goes on, the greater the damage. Parents work hard (even acting) to create a harmoniousA perfect environment may not be what children want. Picture source: Picture book \”Returning at Night\”/Miyagoshi Akiko. Children are like mirrors, often reflecting the lives of their parents. And they can also mirror their parents\’ emotions. If parents are often noisy and violent toward each other, their children will often be affected by such emotions. Become low self-esteem, irritable, and like to attack others. And when parents say that the quarrel is because of him, they often mention the child\’s name. He will feel guilty and feel that he is responsible for all this. For older children, they may even begin to doubt the value of marriage and even become fearful of marriage as adults. In a noisy family, there are always dark clouds hanging over the children\’s heads, causing unspeakable depression and distress. Children are still affected by it when they become adults. I have a friend who ended his shaky marriage last year. As he said himself, this result has long been doomed. Because he couldn\’t stand his wife\’s nagging, they would quarrel over the smallest things. Many people advised him to be more generous. Small fights are the lubricant of marriage. But he didn\’t think so. What seemed like a small problem to us became very, very serious when it came to him. In fact, the roots of his problems were planted at a very young age. I remember that he ran away from home several times when he was in middle school. Although he was excellent in character and academics, he had a war-torn home. At that time, when he came home, he saw his parents quarreling over the smallest things. Sometimes he said that if it wasn\’t for his son, he would have divorced him long ago. It almost broke him, and he felt that he should not have been born. So he has never dared to get married because he was afraid of making noise. Later, he found a docile girl and got married, thinking that he could live a good life. Unexpectedly, the result was still like this. He found that he was the one with the problem. Of course, not all problems can be attributed to the family of origin. However, can we say that there is no impact? You should know that not all people can carry out positive self-psychological intervention and self-treatment in adulthood. If you really can\’t be together, then be sensible. Breaking up is not necessarily a bad thing. Even if a couple divorces and gets along well, it will not leave too many negative effects on their children. It is far better to consider reconciliation than to tear each other apart and quarrel every day. There is a documentary film \”Boyhood\” in which the young protagonist encountered his parents\’ divorce since he was a child. My mother\’s remarriage was not the happiness she imagined. In the end, the strong mother lived independently with her two children. The whole process was depressing. There are beautiful places and there are sad places. But very real. The two children eventually grew up healthily. An important reason for this is that the parents chose reconciliation. Dad will still spend time with his children on their birthdays or during holidays. Discuss with them topics that fathers often discuss with their children. Such as sex, love, faith, etc. He also takes the children to run wild. Let them know that it is not appropriate for mom and dad to be together because of adult issues and has nothing to do with you. And dad, like mom, will always love you. Divorce is a matter for adults, but those who use children as bargaining chips or swords are despicable. Divorce of parents will definitely have an impact on children, but it is not fatal. Because over time, most kids eventually acceptThe changes brought about by parents\’ divorce, and if many parents handle it properly, the relationship between the children and both parents will become closer. There is a saying: Children are not the bond that maintains a marriage, and money cannot make a marriage solid, but the mutual growth. In marriage, please be sure to reserve your own space. This space is your growth space as an independent individual. It is the calm space you need to think when you are being coaxed. It will win you the respect of your partner and give you the power of equal dialogue. Marriage can never be maintained by one person\’s efforts. Because it itself comes from the combination of two people. Men need to learn to take responsibility, and it’s time to sound the alarm for mama’s boys. Because no girl is born to be your nanny. They also need care, understanding, and sharing. If you think that having a child will tie up your marriage. He thought he had made some money and captured people\’s hearts. In fact, it is not the case. The most elusive thing in this world is the human heart. Especially a woman\’s heart, you can\’t read it. But there is a way that will definitely work: that is to exchange sincerity for sincerity. Everyone wants to see as many happy families as possible. Then please remember your original intention.