Mother supports a family, but the key to a child’s happiness depends on the father

There is an episode in the popular documentary TV series \”Birth Gate\” that tells the story of Zhang Ying, a girl with cerebral palsy, who gave birth to a child. Because Zhang Ying\’s jaundice was not treated in time when she was a child, she suffered from cerebral palsy. Her parents have sought medical advice for many years, but they have never been able to restore her to normal. But this did not prevent Zhang Ying from growing up into a cheerful and optimistic girl. Not only did she obtain a college diploma, but she also opened a Taobao store for maternal and infant supplies, and was able to support herself. Because of Zhang Ying\’s kind and optimistic personality, she also met the healthy and handsome Liu Yang. The two got married sweetly and were preparing to welcome the arrival of the \”little walnut\”, the crystallization of their love. As a child with cerebral palsy, Zhang Ying\’s ability to laugh so much and grow up so well must be attributed to her mother. Zhang Ying\’s mother herself said that if she had such a child at home, other families would hide her away, fearing that the child would be laughed at and unable to bear it. But their family doesn\’t. The more their children are like this, the more they have to take them wherever they go, so that they can adapt to the world like normal people. Because they have to take full care of Zhang Ying, their family has withdrawn their quota for a second child. The family\’s biggest wish is to allow Zhang Ying to live a safe and happy life. Although Zhang Ying\’s mother is admirable, her father\’s influence on Zhang Ying cannot be ignored. When Zhang Ying\’s father went to the hospital to deliver meals, I noticed a detail. Before delivering the meal, he cut a few plum blossoms from his own plum blossoms and sent them to the ward together with the meal. Then I stuck it up in a glass bottle and put it on the windowsill. When the air in the ward was filled with the faint fragrance of plum blossoms, the originally dull ward suddenly became lively and fragrant. Regardless of how much money he makes or how capable he is, if a father can be so full of interest in life, the children he raises will naturally be good as well. It is obvious from the footage that Zhang Ying has a particularly good relationship with her father. When Zhang Ying gave birth to her daughter by cesarean section, even her mother ran to gather around the newborn \”little walnut\”. Only her father sat beside Zhang Ying\’s bed and whispered in his daughter\’s ear with a smile, \”Those heartless people are just hanging around the little walnut. You have worked too hard. Take the time to go to bed and have a good rest.\” Dad poured a lot of care into the place where Zhang Ying grew up. Even though she had cerebellar cerebral palsy, she still showed High emotional intelligence. I get along very well with my husband, mother-in-law, and the doctors and nurses at the hospital. Dr. John Gottman, the founder of emotional management training in the United States, once proposed in the book \”Raising Children with High Emotional Intelligence\”: The various advantages shown by children with high emotional intelligence all stem from a kind of thing we usually call \”high emotional intelligence\”. Vagal tone” substance. To put it simply, children with \”high vagal tone\” have a strong response speed and ability to recover from stressful emotional states. For them, when responding to an emergency or exciting event, their heart rate will increase for a short period of time, but once the emergency is over, their body can quickly return to its normal state. These children are better at comforting themselves, concentrating, and restraining their behavior at critical moments. So, how are children with \”high vagal tone\” raised? The answer is also given in this book. That is, if the father can always focus on guiding the child\’s emotions during the child\’s growth process, and become an emotional management and training role at home, it will have a great positive effect on the child\’s character. Children whose emotions are recognized by their father and whose father can help them solve specific problems will perform better in school and have more harmonious relationships with others. On the contrary, a father who is emotionally distant from his children, that is, a father who is usually strict, demanding, and neglectful of his children\’s emotions, will have a great negative impact on the growth of his children. Children often perform poorly in school, are more likely to get into fights with their peers, and have poor health. This has also been confirmed by Zhang Ying. When Zhang Ying talked about her relationship with her father, she told a story about when she was in school when she was a child. Because Zhang Ying has cerebral palsy and cannot speak or walk like normal people, she was laughed at by her classmates as soon as she entered the classroom when she was a child. Especially when she was learning to write, the word \”一\” seemed very simple to others, but because she couldn\’t control the strength of her fingers, she only wrote one horizontal line and the pencil broke. This made Zhang Ying particularly inferior and depressed. At this time, her father held her hand and taught her over and over again how to write \”one\” well. This scene left such a deep impression in Zhang Ying\’s memory that she couldn\’t help but burst into tears whenever she recalled the clips from that year. Zhang Ying\’s father has always used his own way to accept his daughter\’s emotions and provide reasonable guidance. Behavioral psychologists have discovered through observation that a preschool child needs the attention of a parent or caregiver every 20 seconds. Ideally, parents should be able to be happy with their children. However, in real life, it is difficult for parents to guarantee that they will not be angry with their children. Especially in families, fathers usually have stricter requirements for their children than mothers. Especially when they are nervous or troubled, the children\’s constant and sometimes unreasonable demands will drive the father crazy. If a child does something really irritating, dads can express their anger honestly as long as it doesn\’t attack the child\’s character. Expressing anger in a rational way can also be a good helper in assisting the effective implementation of discipline. Dads just need to remember that the most important responsibility of parents is to listen to their children, not only to understand their words, but also to understand the emotions behind their words. In addition, fathers should also know that it is right to strictly discipline their children, but adults also need to have empathy, master listening skills, and be able to look at problems from the child\’s perspective, and not always have a self-centered attitude. . These exercises can begin when children are infants, because even helpless babies, through our responses when they feel uncomfortable, can understand that emotions can find outlets, and that emotions can range from nervousness, anger, fear, etc. Transition into a comfortable, calm state. Ross Park, a professor at Harvard University, believes that human development has two directions, one is intimacy and the other is independence. Mothers have natural advantages in cultivating children\’s intimacy, while fathers are irreplaceable in cultivating children\’s independence. So, raising children is reallyIt\’s not just the mother\’s business. With the father\’s participation, even children like Zhang Ying can grow up very well. In this process, all the father needs to give is his deep love and empathy for his children. And those children who are always treated gently by their fathers will also have improved resilience and adaptability. As adults, children also report higher levels of marital happiness. Zhang Ying’s story is also the best proof. When she held her daughter Xiaohuatou for the first time, her mother asked her what happiness was and told her that this was happiness. Zhang Ying\’s face was filled with the happiness and joy of being a first-time mother. Behind this happiness and joy is not only her mother’s care, but also her father’s gentle support and care for her. Four years have passed, in such a loving family, Little Walnut has grown into a smart and lovely little girl. Not only does she not feel inferior because of her mother, she also bravely takes on the responsibility of protecting her mother, and plays with their princes endlessly with her mother. Games with princesses. Zhang Ying also gave birth to her second child as she wished, and she and her husband Liu Yang continued to run their own happy family. A girl with cerebral palsy can enjoy such happiness. So, dear fathers, don’t you want your children to have a happy life in the future?