When two kids fight, parents should just leave it alone? I was almost hurt by this sentence

When I unexpectedly became pregnant with Lisa while breastfeeding, I actually had a lot of voices in my head, but I finally decided to accept her into this family. In addition to being grateful for God\’s gift, I also had a little selfishness. There is a 7-year age difference between Ning Ning and Xiao Pai at home. When Ning Ning was young, they actually didn’t interact much. Many experienced mothers also said that when their children are much different in age, they can no longer play together. Companionship means less. I secretly thought to myself, if we have a third child and are so close to the second child, we can always play together. Xiaopai and Ningning are 7 years apart, while Ningning and Lisa are less than a year and a half apart. Fortunately, I can observe how children with different age gaps get along with each other, and, as a mother, What can be done. Before Ning Ning was one year old, everything seemed peaceful and peaceful. But after Ning Ning evolved into a two-legged beast and ran around the house, the contradiction slowly emerged. As for me, a novice mother of two, I was at a loss when faced with their frequent conflicts. Many times, in a fit of rage, I became the driving force behind the disputes. One day, Xiao Pai and I were having dinner. Ning Ning, who had finished eating first, ran to the living room and opened her sister\’s crystal clay, which was all over the floor. When Xiao Pai found out, she ran over to accuse her, but Ning Ning still looked after herself. Playing with yourself and ignoring your sister. The angry Xiao Pai first pulled Ning Ning\’s arms and started beating her. Ning Ning immediately burst into tears and started kicking and beating her limbs. The elder sister became even more angry. She hugged Ning Ning\’s waist from behind and shook her up and down. Being restrained by her elder sister\’s hands, she couldn\’t move at all. Adding to her fear, Ning Ning cried louder and louder. I rushed up and opened my sister\’s hand, and while carrying Ningning over, I scolded Xiaopai loudly, \”You can tell your sister if you don\’t want to play, but you can\’t do anything.\” \”Ah~\”, Xiaopai started to scream angrily, and every time her loud scream made me more irritated. \”Please stop!\” My voice became louder and louder. \”I made these crystal clays with my classmates. We have been doing it for a long time…\” Xiaopai started to cry while talking, in a high voice. \”I\’ve told you many times, don\’t put things in the living room that you don\’t want your sister to play with. Put them in your own room. This crystal mud contains borax, which is poisonous. What should I do if my sister puts it in her mouth? \”She sometimes goes to my room to play with things.\” \”If she touches the toys in your room, I will tell her or take her away, but if you put them in the living room, I can\’t stop you.\” Don’t want to stop it”. Xiaopai didn\’t speak anymore, but his mood was still very high. He sat on the sofa and looked at me angrily. I stopped talking, took a rag, and asked Ningning to clean up the crystal mud on the floor with me. But the little guy didn\’t know whether he was still angry with his sister or was just too curious about the soft and elastic crystal mud. He actually grabbed the crystal mud and smeared it on his head, pants, and hands… I thought Being a peacemaker ended up causing a big war. After several times, I slowly realized that when faced with this pair of 9-year-old and 2-year-old sisters, my joining would usually only escalate the war. Originally, the two of them were just competing for a toy, but as long as the mother gets involved and protects the interests of one of them, the other party will definitely add fuel to the fire. When I was a babyAs a parent, I became a referee when I had two kids? So is it possible for me to be a fair referee? I tried several times and found that it was almost impossible. For example, if my sister grabs her sister\’s toys and my sister hits her, I ask her to put down the toys. In my sister\’s opinion, I am helping her sister. If the older sister is asked not to hit the younger sister, the older sister will feel that the mother favors the younger sister more. Once someone feels unfair, the focus of the war will shift and escalate. Being the middle child is not easy at all. You have an older sister who dotes on you, and a younger sister who covets you. It’s not easy to be surrounded by sisters. Even your mother is on your sister’s side. The world is about to collapse. In addition to losing her temper and crying, she also had a shortcut to vent her anger, which was to attack the helpless Lao San. As for the eldest son, I have talked about it in the article before. For families with many children, winning over a good eldest son is definitely the first priority. Offending the boss makes her feel deprived of love, which is like sounding the alarm at home. She has a cold war, locks herself in the room, and bursts into tears, which makes both parents and children physically and mentally exhausted. I made up my mind to be a calm bystander when there was a conflict between Xiao Pai and Ning Ning, as long as it was not too serious. I gradually discovered that Xiaopai is already over 9 years old. From her interactions with children, she has gradually mastered many social rules and understood the boundaries of communication between people. At the age of 9, she has become much more mature mentally than her two younger sisters. I observed secretly that although she would yell at her younger sister for scribbling in her homework book, and she would mess up because of her younger sister. He spanked her butt because of her beloved Lego, but obviously, she was measured in her actions. As for Ning Ning, who is over 2 years old, she has a typical middle child character. She is very good at adapting to the situation and winning people\’s hearts. During the quarrel, as soon as her sister\’s hand touched her, she cried louder than anyone else, wanting to play with her. When I ate my sister’s snacks, my face immediately changed, and my little mouth was so sweet. Facing the two of them, as long as it is not too outrageous, less interference is the best solution. They will learn to face and solve problems during the conflict. As for Ning Ning and little Lisa, it would be unfair to Lisa to sit back and do nothing. Ning Ning often snatches the toys from her hands and runs away. For little Lisa, who has not yet been able to walk and has not learned to speak, they can only sit and watch. Crying or screaming there. Ning Ning, who is over two years old, is still in the stage of social exploration. If not guided in time, Ning Ning may become more arrogant and domineering, and the youngest Lisa will become a pitiful doormat in the bullying. When two children fight, it seems that we, as parents, should not take care of it. It seems that there is no way to do it across the board and ignore it at all, or to take care of it from the beginning to the end. It still depends on the age of the two children and the age gap between the children. Lisa, who is more than 10 months old, can now walk on the sofa. One day, she grabbed the giraffe on the toy shelf and played with it with great interest. Ningning, who had just gotten up from a nap, came over with her cat toy in her hand and saw Lisa playing with the giraffe, so she walked over and snatched it away. come over. Lisa was robbed of her toy and suddenly lost her center of gravity. She sat down on the crawling mat, opened her mouth, and burst into tears. I hurry upHe walked over and hugged Ning Ning and said to her, \”You took away my sister\’s giraffe. She is very sad.\” Ning Ning, who was holding the giraffe, lowered her head and bit her lip in silence. I hugged her and said, \”My sister got it first. If you want to play with it, you can tell her, or exchange your toy with her.\” She thought for a moment, turned around and put the cat in her hand into Lisa\’s hand. After getting the new toy, Lisa slowly stopped crying. Not long after, I discovered that Ning Ning would still snatch toys from my sister, but sometimes when she found her crying, she would immediately grab a random toy from the side and stuff it into her hands. If the toy is to her liking, little Lisa will stop crying, but if the toy is not to her liking or the one that she likes is taken away, she will still cry. One time, Ning Ning repeated her old tricks. I walked over and hugged her. I didn\’t mention her taking the initiative. I just said, \”Ning Ning wants to exchange toys with her sister. You have to give your toys to her first and see if she is willing.\” , if you just take it away like this, my sister will be very sad.\” She nodded in understanding. I know that she may not be able to do it next time, but I will try to help both of them express their needs. Sometimes, I would take Ning Ning to tell my sister, \”Can you play with this toy for me?\” Although Lisa couldn\’t respond verbally, it was obvious that she could understand what her sister meant. Even if she doesn\’t understand, she can still feel her sister\’s respect, instead of the violent robbery like before. Once, my aunt shared her solution with me. She said that when Ning Ning took away Lisa\’s toys and Lisa cried, you just had to pretend to hit Ning Ning to help her vent her anger, and she would stop crying immediately. Although this method is effective immediately, I think that besides letting the children learn revenge, it cannot help them solve the problem. No matter it is 9-year-old Xiaopai, 2-year-old Ningning, or 10-month-old Lisa, they are all equal and no one should give way to the other. From the day I decided to be a parent of three children, I had to allow that apart from the murmurings and tender moments between me and me, they were also destined to have trivial daily routines of chasing each other and fighting each other. As parents, we cannot turn ourselves into fair judges, nor do we need to be so-called fair. What we can do is give each child unique love. Use my eyes more to observe their behavior and less use my mouth to judge them. There are things you should do and things you should not do, this sentence should be kept in mind even as mothers.