The way to truly love your children is a question that all parents should ask every day

\”Mom, I\’m thirsty.\” \”Dad, my car broke down.\” \”Mom, I can\’t find my socks.\” \”Dad, I want to build a bridge.\” When children start talking, such conversations happen almost every day. . Most of the time, we are very happy, because after all, compared with before, they only knew how to express themselves by crying, which is a big improvement. So from the beginning, we happily helped them solve problems. We immediately handed them water when they were thirsty; repaired their cars immediately when they broke down; not only handed them socks but also helped them put them on; and immediately demonstrated how to play with toys. Sometimes we solve the problem for the child right away before the child even asks for it. Unfortunately, the good times did not last long. After a while, we began to complain. Why is this child so lazy, not using his brain, and has no hands or feet? He needs our help to do everything. When we began to realize this problem, we tried not to provide \”help\” anymore. We tried to hope that the children would use their own brains, \”You can do it. Try it yourself. If you use your brains again, you have to do your own things.\” Do\”. But the result is not good. The child always says, \”Mom, help me do it\”; \”Dad, I can\’t do it\”. As a result, we have entered a strange circle with our children. While we complain about our children, we are willing to take care of them because we feel that they \”need\” us. And the children seem to have made no progress despite our empty encouragement and constant complaints, and have even become more and more \”incompetent\”. Even though we know what the problem is, we can\’t seem to solve it. Parents constantly say that their child has asked us for help, and I encourage him to solve it on his own, but he just can\’t do it. Should he just sit back and ignore it? Indeed, in the first few years of our children’s lives, they form their sense of themselves from our feedback. When they need us, we really cannot ignore it. We need to let them understand that they will be supported at any time. This confidence is an important prerequisite for children to move toward independence. Since we cannot sit idly by and ignore it, the encouragement from those slogans will not help. What can we do? In fact, just saying one sentence can completely change this situation, that is, a question like, \”Let\’s think about it together, what can we do?\” Such a simple question is a pause for parents. key. It reminds us how to truly love our children instead of rushing to \”put out fires.\” The so-called \”parents\” do not need to do many things for their children, but they need to help their children complete many things themselves. The results caused by small differences are completely different. Many parents skip this step and do it for their children directly, which not only deprives them of their \”parenting\” responsibility, but also deprives their children of the opportunity to become independent. Such a simple question is a starting point for children. It allows the child\’s brain to start thinking about this question that has never been thought of before, \”Yeah, besides asking my parents to help, what else can I do?\” Don\’t underestimate this kind of thinking, perseverance, independence, responsibility, these Character is not developed out of thin air. In these difficult moments from childhood to adulthood, they solved it by themselves, they bore the consequences, they cried and got hurt, and then they wiped away their tears and continued on. This is whereIt is formed through the process of \”overcoming difficulties\” bit by bit. At first, the child may not be able to think of any other method, and they may still be anxious and keep shouting, \”Mom, help me do it.\” At this time, we must not rush to do it for the child again, and do not think that the child is really bad. This is just because we have broken the previous inherent habits. Children are not used to thinking for themselves and have not yet mastered the corresponding skills. We can use language to describe to our children the way we think of solving the problem, \”If I were you, maybe I would first recall where the socks are most often placed?\”; \”If I were you, I would first Let’s imagine what kind of bridge I want to build, and we can take the first step.” Such a description is equivalent to showing our children how we think. The so-called \”using your brain\” is not something you are born with. It needs guidance and training. The simplest way is for parents to show their children our ideas and steps to solve problems. As the children gradually adapt to our questions and can answer the solutions, we can continue to ask additional questions, \”Oh, this is a good method, are there other methods?\” Such additional questions can further Inspire children to think and come up with more solutions. This not only exercises children\’s thinking flexibility, but more importantly, it conveys a strong message to children that there are always more methods than problems. Children who have this kind of thinking since childhood will not be afraid of facing difficulties in the future and will have more courage to accept challenges. Because their childhood experiences have repeatedly told them, \”I can find more and better answers, I can do it!\” Preschool is a critical window period for children to build their self-confidence and resistance to frustration. We need to let children build “I can do it” mindset. Not helping our children does not mean that we are bad parents, nor does it mean that we love our children any less. On the contrary, it means that we love our children more, but we use a more effective way to help them grow. \”Mom, help me!\” \”Child, let\’s think about it together, how can we do it?\” This question is worth asking our children often, so as not to let our \”superpowers\” raise \”incompetent\” children. Really smart parents think quickly and act slowly.