A 3-year-old boy feeds his younger brother three nails: Is the second child multiple enemies or multiple siblings?

\”I fed my brother three nails!\” Two days ago, I was shocked by a hot search on Weibo: After my mother came home, she found that her little brother, who was only 37 days old, was crying incessantly, with bubbles coming out of his mouth and lip… Purple. She was extremely worried and asked her 3-year-old brother, but she didn\’t expect this to be the reason. After taking the X-ray, I saw these three nails lying straight in my brother\’s stomach. It was really heartbreaking for me to be a mother! Finally, at great risk, the child underwent gastroscopy to remove the nail. The baby is only 37 days old and has been \”tortured\” like this. Many netizens were shocked and left messages: This mother is so heartless that she let her three-year-old brother take care of his younger brother. Did he know since he was a child that someone was coming to steal his mother? honestly! Parents can\’t let the older one feel that their parents don\’t love them just because they have a second child! Three-year-old children are still in the ignorant stage. Even if they are a bit \”bearish\”, it is unintentional. But there is one thing that needs our attention: if we don’t deal with the relationship with the eldest child well after giving birth to a second child, it may really lead to tragedy! In many two-child families, the eldest child becomes like an enemy after meeting the second child. My friend Qing has been troubled recently. She originally wanted to have a second child so that the eldest child could have more than one child. Unexpectedly, after the second baby was born, Dabao became obviously depressed and became extremely naughty. The eldest brother does not allow Qing to buy things for his sister, and does not allow his family to be nice to his sister. Qing\’s home became a battlefield without gunpowder, and she became an \”underground worker\”. Whatever she bought for her second son, she had to do it secretly so that her boss wouldn\’t know. The purpose of giving birth to a second child was to give the eldest son more relatives, but now he has an additional enemy. Therefore, when raising a second child, the competition is not only about physical strength, mental strength, and financial resources, but more importantly, intelligence. \”I still love you very much.\” Faced with the situation where the eldest child cannot accept the second child, parents need to have \”empathy\” to think about the problem. American education scholars Farber and Mazlisch once made an analogy between second children and third children in their book \”How to Say How Children Can Live in Peace\”. If one day, your husband says to you: My dear, I love you so much! I decided to find someone like you again. The new guy is pretty and cute, and starts to snatch things you like, but your husband always asks you to \”share generously.\” One day, you finally couldn\’t bear it anymore and said, I don\’t want her! But your husband accuses you: We are a family! Am I not doing this for you? What do you think when you hear this? Parents must first make it clear that the eldest child\’s reaction is normal and not unreasonable. It is necessary to give the eldest child a sufficient sense of security so that he firmly believes that his parents still love him deeply and will not reduce their love for him just because of the appearance of another baby. Jane Nelson, the founder of the positive discipline system, once proposed the \”candle method\”. Mothers can bring some candles and tell their children that these candles represent our family. Then, take out a candle, light it, and tell the child: This flame represents mother\’s love. When I met your father, I gave him all my love. Then, light another candle and tell the child, this is my love for you. When you were born, I gave you all my love, but you see, the love I gave to dad is still there. at last,Light another candle and tell the child: When our baby is born, I will give him all my love. But you see, the candle of love I gave you and Dad is still on, and it still has energy. When children feel loved, understood, and recognized, their emotions will mostly calm down and they will be more willing to reconcile with each other. \”Only you can coax your sister.\” In the picture book \”Tom\’s Little Sister\”, parents let Tom get involved before his little sister was born. Dad took Tom to the hospital to see his sister Ina as soon as possible. When they got home, they prepared a room for Ina. Dad put new wallpaper on the wall and Tom made a lot of decorative garlands. When Ina returned home, the whole family was surrounding her sister. Tom felt a little uncomfortable, so he asked his mother, how long will Ina stay at my house? Mom replied, Ina is your sister and she will always be with us. Tom began to accept this reality and accepted his sister again. When Ina cried, Tom sang to her the children\’s songs he learned in kindergarten and fed her breast milk, and she immediately stopped crying. And his parents told Tom that only he could coax his sister, and the whole family praised him. Parents used encouragement and affirmation to allow Tom to fully participate in the family life of raising his sister, pay attention to his inner feelings, and make him feel loved and loved. \”You don\’t have to give in to your sister.\” Conflicts and quarrels among children are an inevitable phenomenon in the process of growing up, and have nothing to do with their quality of life, or being smart and sensible. If two children come to complain to you, avoid falling into the trap of \”the older child must give way to the younger child.\” Most of the children\’s grievances come from differential treatment. Parents\’ blind judgment of who is right and who is wrong sometimes only makes children\’s emotions more intense. American sociologist Jill Suitor once conducted a study on sibling relationships. Through interviews with more than 700 adults, she found that those adult siblings with poor sibling relationships almost always remember their parents\’ partiality and conflicts between siblings when they were children. A parent\’s partiality towards a certain child will arouse another child\’s resentment towards the parent and jealousy of his siblings. As a result, the jealous child may often violently attack another child for no reason. Smiling appropriately, listening, and letting children quarrel and reconcile themselves like friends, without participating in their arguments, is the best way to resolve disputes and win trust. Without adult interference, children are better able to find a balance in living together peacefully. \”One-on-one parent-child time\” Every child needs \”special time\”. After having two children at home, parents\’ time will be even more scarce, but even so, they must find time to be alone with their children and create one-on-one parent-child time. There was a father who, after his mother gave birth to her second child, spent time with her eldest son as soon as she got home from work. On weekends, he took his eldest son to watch movies, helped him bathe, slept with him, and told him stories. The eldest child hated the second child at first, but he soon felt relieved because his father spent more time with him than before. Xiaohua and others from Sun Li and Deng Chao’s family are examples of friendly second-born children. Sun Li said frankly: Every child is an independent individual. Of course, sometimes you can see some shadows of yourself in them, but they all have their own personalities. Instead of spending time and energy on how to levelInstead of balancing your child\’s conflicts, you should spend more time on how to make your child feel your love. Teacher Yin Jianli once said that the relationship between multiple children depends entirely on the word \”love\”. Children have no mental knots. What needs to be untied is the parents\’ understanding of the knot – do not assume that the child is jealous, vindictive, and unreasonable. Such assumptions are wrong. This is the psychological basis for instigating the relationship between two children. We must firmly believe that children are friendly, tolerant, and sensible. Both good intentions and bad intentions have powerful reproductive functions, it depends on which one we stimulate and cultivate. For children, as long as they can feel the firm love of their parents, even if the love is not enough, they are still a loving family. Just as Dabao said in the letter to his baby in the movie \”The Boss Baby\”: If love is not enough for us to share, then I am willing to give you all my love. In a person\’s life, parents will eventually leave, and spouses will come belatedly. Perhaps brothers and sisters are the only ones who are truly qualified to be called \”life partners.\” This lifelong partner will have a significant impact on each other\’s lives. Previously, a 12-year-old child wrote \”Take care of children, don\’t neglect adults\” in classical Chinese, expressing endless friendship. When you come, sisters will help each other, care for each other, support each other, and accompany each other. My parents will eventually leave me, but I have a sister, and my sister also has me. When two children are together, the eldest child\’s doting and loving eyes towards the second child, and the second child\’s infinite admiration and attachment to the eldest child, is probably the best interpretation of happiness.