The cruel truth that all parents must accept: 99% of your efforts are useless

There is a fact that we have to admit: Chinese parents have endless concerns throughout their lives. Among them, what I worry about the most is my children’s grades. I have a friend, Xinxin, who resigned from her position as the head of the company and went home to become a full-time mother. She devoted herself to her children’s studies and gave everything she had, but the children were not enlightened and their grades were always at the lower end. She personally helped her children with their homework, but the children could linger on writing until 11 or 12 o\’clock; she spent a lot of money to sign up for many tutoring classes, but the children just couldn\’t learn; she carefully designed many reward methods, but the results were very good. Wei…When it comes to her children\’s studies, she feels particularly sad: \”It\’s all lies to say that I don\’t care about my children\’s grades and make her grow up happily. I care to death!\” Although it is cruel, what I want to tell her is: you 99% of your efforts are useless. What exactly does a child’s performance have to do with? In the late 1990s, the U.S. Department of Education launched a long-term follow-up study on early childhood education. The study examined the academic progress of more than 20,000 children in 1,000 schools to reveal which factors were significantly related to children\’s performance. Finally, an unexpected research result emerged that subverted common sense. Let’s first list 8 relevant factors: the child has highly educated parents, the child has a complete family, the parents have a higher social and economic status, the child’s parents have recently moved their family to a better neighborhood, the child’s mother is 30 years old or later. The mother of the child who gave birth to her first child did not work after the child was born and before entering kindergarten. The child had many books at home (read by the parents). The child\’s parents read to them every day. Research has found that there are 4 factors related to the child\’s subsequent test scores. Highly correlated, while the remaining four factors have no influence. You can guess first, which ones are related to children’s grades and which ones have nothing to do with them? Related: Children with highly educated parents Unrelated: Children with complete families It is expected that parents with highly educated children will have excellent academic performance. After all, they value education, and parents with higher IQs tend to have higher education levels. But intact families have no impact on children\’s grades. This result is a fatal blow to those parents who choose to endure for the sake of their children\’s studies. I want to tell a story first. The famous writer Chi Li once had a husband who had a lot of quarrels and suffered countless humiliations. She concluded that her marriage had failed. \”There is not much to say about marriage itself. It can be summed up in one word: fate. When fate is over, it is over. But once marriage involves children, it is a contradiction and conflict that cannot be resolved by one word, ten thousand words, or countless words. It’s difficult.” For the sake of her children, she chose to be patient and signed a divorce agreement with her husband, living together but living separately. In this way, I will hold on until the day my child graduates from junior high school. Chi Li felt that she could confess to her child, but before she could finish her words, she was interrupted by her daughter. \”Actually, I\’ve known it for a long time. I saw your agreement in the bookcase not long after I entered junior high school. I didn\’t tell you because you must be worried that I will be distracted from studying and that I will be troubled like other children. In this case, Then I will fulfill your hard work.\” It turns out that she was sensible and pretended to be a fool in front of her parents for four years.\”Ignorance\”. During the chat, her daughter comforted Chi Li in turn. If the marriage is not harmonious, divorce will be good for everyone. Later, Chi Li\’s daughter was admitted to the London School of Economics and Political Science and became an alumnus of Clinton and Mandela. You You will find that the divorce of parents has no impact on children\’s grades. For the sake of children\’s studies, trying to maintain a complete family has become the paranoia that many parents insist on. In fact, your children know best whether you love each other. Just like me The neighbor\’s child, knowing that her parents were pretending to be affectionate for her, suddenly stopped eating, drinking, and going to school. Sometimes, just insisting on formal integrity and losing warmth is actually the most harmful marriage posture for children. Related: It has nothing to do with whether the child\’s mother gave birth to her first child at the age of 30 or later: the child\’s mother did not work after the child was born and before entering kindergarten. There is a passage in the book \”Freakonomics\”: \”If a child If a woman has her first child after she is 30 years old, the child will have a higher probability of doing well in school. Such mothers often want to receive higher education or achieve success in their careers. \”The same is true in China. We have heard too much about the benefits of late marriage and late childbearing, but the age of late marriage and late childbearing in China is just earlier than that in foreign countries. Research shows that 26-28 years old is the prime time for women to have children. The children will also be healthier and smarter. The average IQ of the children born is 109.29. At the same time, mothers quit their jobs and do not work at home before their children go to kindergarten, which does not help the performance. This really hurts the hearts of stay-at-home mothers. Ah! We sacrifice ourselves and give everything, but it has no effect on our children’s grades?! A Korean drama said: “A child’s grades depend on the father’s financial strength and the mother’s intelligence capabilities. \”A mother\’s intelligence ability lies in understanding a large amount of parenting information every day and vigorously searching for good interest classes and training classes to plan a future for her children. The intelligence ability of stay-at-home mothers is absolutely top-notch. A father in Wuhan A sad parenting experience was told online: “Since the birth of my child, my wife has quit her job and focused on raising the child at home. In my memory, my son has been forced by his mother to attend the Peiyou class since he was in the third grade of elementary school, and he never had weekends. In the past six years, his wife has sent him to no less than 30 \”education classes\”. I left at 6 o\’clock in the morning. On the bus, my wife brought food in one hand and water in the other. After finishing breakfast, she went to the training class. When I get home from get out of class at 9 p.m., my son still has to complete the homework assigned by the school teacher and can’t rest until 12 p.m. My son once told me that he was yawning all day long in class at school. He was exhausted from the homework in the training class. How could he still have the energy to listen to the teacher\’s lectures? When others sit in class, all they see is a phantom. And his mother was so touched by her efforts that she told her child every time: ‘I am doing it all for you! ’ However, due to excessive mental stress, my son had more and more gray hair. What’s even more ironic is that his grades did not improve and he also developed aversion to studying. \”Admit it, all the years of companionship and painstaking education techniques we spent on it did not help our children\’s performance. Related: Parents with Higher EducationThe child’s socioeconomic status has nothing to do with it: the child’s parents recently moved their family to a better neighborhood. Some time ago, the college entrance examination results were announced, and the top scorers in the college entrance examination were announced. There was no surprise. Most of the top scorers still had well-to-do families and good financial circumstances. Last year, Xiong Xuangang, who ranked first in liberal arts in the Beijing College Entrance Examination, said: \”I am a child of a middle-class family and was born in Beijing. The educational resources available in a big city like Beijing determine that I can take many shortcuts in my studies. Now many top scorers , they are all powerful and capable people in the family.\” We have to admit that parents\’ higher socioeconomic status can affect their children\’s academic performance, leaving some people far behind. And if parents don\’t work hard and make progress, their children may be left far behind by more than one street. As writer Wang Erduo said: \”If you don\’t work hard and make money, you won\’t be able to give your children a high-quality education; if you don\’t have a good academic qualification, you won\’t tell your children the importance of reading in advance; if you don\’t understand that education is a process, you won\’t be able to give your children a high-quality education.\” You can never raise children who can adapt to society.\” However, the child\’s performance has nothing to do with whether he or she moves into a community with better conditions. Will moving to a good community, or even a school district, help children achieve better results? Go to sleep, this is just your wishful thinking on the surface. Just like wearing good shoes will not allow you to jump higher, it is the same reason. Related: Having more books at home Unrelated: If parents read to their children every day, can having more books at home make their children’s grades better? A bit ridiculous, right? In fact, if I think about it carefully, I find that it makes sense. for example. If you are a person who loves to read and have a lot of books at home, even if you do not insist on reading to your children every day, the way you keep reading the book every day will be seen in the eyes and remembered by the children. They will think that reading is a part of life. When they can read, they will naturally like to read, and their grades will not worry you. If your favorite hobby is to play games on your mobile phone and play mahjong, there is a card game at home, and the people who come and go every day are card friends. The couple will discuss which drama is good, which game is fun, and whose card skills are good. Even if you insist on reading to your children for an hour after dinner every day, children will not be more interested in books than mobile phones, games, and mahjong. Because for him, mobile phones, games, and mahjong are essential contents in life, not books. Then the child will not like reading, and his grades will naturally not be as good as you think. I have heard a saying before: \”Primary school scores are highly deceptive. Without massive reading support, talent will only starve to death. The 6-12 years old period is the golden age for reading ability.\” If a child has never read a good book Books, or even a book with more than 100,000 words, then the child\’s talent will be starved to death, let alone his grades. \”What kind of people parents are\” is far more important than \”what parents do for their children\”. I wonder if you have noticed that whether it is the parents\’ education, economic and social status, the number of books in the home or the mother\’s childbearing age, it is all about the parents themselves. Characteristics, that is, \”what kind of person the parents are.\” And to keep the family intact, the mother gives up her job, moves to a better neighborhood, and devotes herself to studying for her children. It is all about the behavior of the parents, that is, \”what parents do to their children.\” And all the above fact tablesMing: \”What kind of people parents are\” is far more important than \”what parents do for their children\”! \”What kind of person parents are\” is far more important than \”what parents do for their children\”! \”What kind of person parents are\” is far more important than \”what parents do for their children\”! If it’s important, say it three times. The implications of this conclusion are much deeper than they seem. Instead of worrying about your children, learn to be tolerant in marriage, you might as well free yourself and your children; instead of worrying about your children\’s achievements, you might as well examine yourself to see if you are betting on your children, devoting all your efforts, and giving up on your own growth and pursuit. Instead of forcing your children to read and supervise their homework, you might as well force yourself first, lead by example, and use the environment to influence your children. Remember, as the old saying goes, educate yourself first, otherwise 99% of your efforts will be useless.