True love, never be a professional critic of your children

Some time ago, at the beginning of summer vacation, Liangliang, the child of Fang, the neighbor across the door, ran away from home. After a day and night of searching, the police found Liangliang in a small forest in the countryside 30 kilometers away from the city. Liangliang, who was less than 10 years old, walked all day and night without eating or drinking, and was almost exhausted. Liangliang dragged me: Auntie, I really don’t want to live anymore. Growing up, my mother never said a kind word to me. Even if I came first in the exam, my mother was not satisfied. She said I was far worse than the first place in other schools. This time, she said that I was third in the exam. This life is over… Fang was wiping tears beside her: Mom will never say that to you again. Liangliang cried and said: Mom, am I a waste? Otherwise, no matter how hard I try, I can\’t keep up with your requirements. I want to die, so you can have a smart younger brother or sister. Fang cried loudly: Silly boy, why do you think so. At that moment, my heart was stung. Jimmy said: A child would rather be stabbed by a cactus than hear the cynicism of an adult. The scars are at least visible, but the wounds caused by scolding are invisible, buried deep in the psychology, and cannot heal for a long time. Those blurted out negative reviews are like a dull knife, grinding away love and warmth, leaving the love between parents and children more cold and hurtful. The philosopher James said: The most ardent requirement in human nature is the desire to be affirmed. Parents’ affirmation and encouragement are children’s courage and strength to face the world, and are the source of their happiness. But those parents who believe in \”percussive education\” will regard their children\’s happiness as their biggest enemy. There is a huge black hole in their hearts, swallowing up their happiness and the happiness of their children. Consistent suppression of children makes children fall into a whirlpool of low self-confidence and low self-esteem. Their self-worth is always determined by the evaluation of others. Even after they become adults, they have to pay a huge price to find themselves. Xu Jinglei, a talented woman in the entertainment industry, can act, make movies, and write books. She is a good calligrapher and even created \”Fangzheng Jinglei Simplified Chinese\”. She is a sure winner in life in the eyes of others. Someone once asked her: You are so good, would your father praise you when you were a child? Xu Jinglei answered \”never\” without hesitation. Her father\’s harshness and harshness made her have deep-rooted inferiority complex in her heart, and she always felt that \”you are not good, you are far behind.\” Even after filming \”Love to the End\” and becoming famous all over the country, she still had no sense of accomplishment. Because she couldn\’t find herself, it wasn\’t until she took up the director\’s chair that she found her true self-confidence. Xu\’s father\’s persecution education, just like Yuan Jingyi\’s mother in the premiere of \”Youth Talk\”, is all about suppression, teaching, and denial: If you don\’t hit you, you may be a little arrogant… Many parents dare not easily affirm and praise their children, just Because \”pride sets back a man.\” However, children are under tremendous psychological pressure due to their parents\’ constant blows and negative comments over the years, losing their self-confidence, and even becoming depressed and ill, leading to tragedy. Some time ago, a piece of news circulated on the Internet: The daughter of a doctor chose to commit suicide by jumping off a building because of her mother\’s words. My mother is an artist. When she went to the United States to visit her daughter, who was studying for a PhD at the Ivy League, she had a dispute with her daughter over some conflicts. Faced with her mother’s dissatisfaction, the daughter asked: “Am I never going to be able tosatisfy you? \”My mother replied: \”Do you think you did a good job? \” Before the mother finished speaking, her daughter jumped off the balcony, and her young life came to an end! Sometimes, we deny not only the child\’s present moment, but also the child\’s life. Educator Suhomlinsky He once said that family education is the first chapter of education, and in the family, parents are the most meticulous and talented sculptors. What kind of works we want our children to become actually depends on ourselves. 1. Unconditional love and Acceptance allows children to gain confidence. When watching \”Youth Talk\” on July 9, a mother and daughter made her cry. The cute daughter stood on a high platform of courage and shouted to the audience: Mom, you should be Let me help you realize your dream of being a model. Mom wiped away the tears falling on her face and said: Baby, no matter what kind of famous designer you become in the future, or you become an ordinary person like Xiaocao, You are all mother\’s most perfect works. Mother loves you. The daughter standing on the stage responded with satisfaction: I love you, mother. The so-called unconditional love is like this. It will make the children understand: I love you just because you are My child has nothing to do with what kind of child you are. A child\’s self-confidence is not innate, but comes from the unconditional love of his parents. Only in such complete love and acceptance can he find his own value. So, If you love him, you must accept him. Whether it is a sparkling diamond or an ordinary grass, they are our most perfect and proud works. Only with unconditional love and acceptance can children live with fearless courage and confidence. Facing this unknown world. 2. Parents and children are always originals and copies. After Dong Qing became a mother for the first time, she was a little confused and was in a dilemma between work and emotions. A good friend told her: \”What do you want your children to be?\” It\’s very simple to be a good person, you just need to be what kind of person you are. \”This sentence was like an enlightenment, and it suddenly woke her up. She said: I should work hard to make myself better, so that when my children really understand in the future, they will love and respect you. He will learn from you. We can learn some good qualities. When we work hard in front, children will always follow behind. 3. Correct appreciation is better than unnecessary praise. Yesterday, when friends were having dinner together, I saw a five or six-year-old child at the next table. , running around in the beautiful hall, one moment pulling out the flowers in the vase and tearing them off piece by piece; the next moment shaking the decorative paintings on the wall with a \”bang, clang, clank\” sound; or just looking at the tables one by one. , and occasionally made comments like: This is really unpalatable and so on… It was not until he saw the dish he liked coming up that he sat down, brought the plate of food to his side and started eating, and his mother praised him: Baby, it’s really great that you can sit down to eat. My friends and I looked at each other: let alone in public places, even at home, you should sit down and eat. Does this need praise? Don’t be a negative judge of your children. It does not mean that we have to praise our children blindly. Praising is an art that we need to learn in order for our children to grow up correctly. Real and specific appreciation Ma Yili once posted a photo in which she was wearing a cute hat paper hat, long eyelashesExtremely eye-catching. She praised this as the masterpiece of her daughter who loves horses: The hat my sister made for me matches my hairstyle very well, and the angle she took also captured my naturally long eyelashes. She affirmed the dedication she put into loving her horses: the hat she made and the angle she took. She appreciated and responded positively to the horse: it matched my hairstyle and captured my long eyelashes. Only in this kind of appreciation can the child\’s heart be touched, his value affirmed, his inner motivation further stimulated, and his further growth promoted. Different appreciation at different times. Children do not grow up all at once, but slowly. Inadvertently, he grew into an adult. When Xiao Yu\’er was in first grade, if I praised him: My baby mopped the floor really clean today, he was so polite to his aunt today… he would be happy for a long time. But I don\’t know since when, he was indifferent to these words. I can only find new appreciations every once in a while: the baby can receive guests independently today and arrange them well…the baby can understand being alone at home and not opening the door to others immediately. This is very safe…preschool age For young children, a simple compliment can satisfy them; while for children after school age, they need more specific and reasonable praise, which will enable them to no longer fear failure, dare to challenge, and face life bravely. Once, when Xiao Yuer failed in an exam, he said to me: Mom, I feel very sad, because I also love face, and I also hope that I can be the best. Every child has a soft and fragile heart. Many times, they also hope that every moment of their efforts and every progress can be seen by their parents and appreciated by their parents. I hope we can put down our \”demanding\” demands on our children, and use a wise eye and a tolerant heart to look for and discover the shining points in our children, which will be the light that shines on them throughout their lives.