I know that yelling at my children often will do many harms, but I can’t do it.

I went to a friend\’s house to play, and I witnessed this scene of a naughty child driving her old mother crazy: \”I won\’t sleep! I have to play!\” The naughty child screamed and howled and refused to sleep, and insisted on building Lego in the middle of the night. Just build it. If you want to die, you must build a tall building that is \”wide at the top and narrow at the bottom.\” As soon as he gets high, he falls down, and when he falls, he cries. After crying, he will continue to do that… and then he starts to fall asleep again: throwing Lego, crying, and rolling on the floor. Pulling him up, he actually yelled at his mother: \”You are a bad mother, I hate you, I hate you, I hate you…\” The friend became angry and said, \”If you keep doing this, believe it or not, I will throw you out!\” The child was Frightened by her roar, she immediately stopped crying, calmed down and fell asleep slowly. Seeing her son\’s well-behaved appearance after he fell asleep, but there were still tears in the corners of his eyes, the old mother\’s eyes, which were furious a second ago, immediately turned red: \”Oh, why did I yell at him again?\” I laughed at her for becoming too fast. , but couldn\’t help but hold her hand and nodded desperately. As an old mother, I understand: the world is so beautiful, but I am so irritable, which is not good or bad. But the child is so naughty that I really can\’t bear it. What kind of bear is a naughty child? \”Just bear with it!\” When talking about someone yelling at a child, there is always an ignorant young man who has never given birth to a child and gives disdainful advice. What? Talk to an old mother about not yelling at her children? Dear, you are here to be funny! Do you think I like Hedong Lion Roar? Do you think I don’t want to be my little fairy? Do you think I like being rejected by my children as a stepmother? ! But you don’t know that when a naughty child gets annoyed, it can make you so angry that your whole body is filled with smoke. The image of a lady that has been maintained for many years will collapse in a matter of seconds. \”As for what, how annoying can a big kid be?\” Young man, Tucson is broken… Come on, let all the mothers who have been mothers for several years tell you what the naughty kid can do: Eating a meal is like fighting a battle. It\’s hard to coax him into taking a bite, but he still vomits half of the food and half of it. He ran away after eating a few mouthfuls. After the meal, he complained that he was hungry again, crying and asking for snacks. If he didn\’t get them, he would roll around. As soon as I got in the elevator, I pressed all the floor buttons that I could reach, and I had to jump up and down like an earthquake. Write an assignment. One moment I asked for water, another moment I shouted that I was hungry, and now I said I needed to go to the toilet. When I went to the toilet, I said I was empty and hungry… I finally finished it. After checking, nine out of ten questions were wrong. of! Baby, are you afraid that the five elements are missing? Even if you recite \”My dear, my dear, deserve it, deserve it\” a hundred times in your mind, your temper will still explode… Let alone ordinary children, it is unbearable for celebrities\’ children to be annoying. In \”Incredible Mom\”, Zheng Zhen couldn\’t stop once the \”crying mode\” was turned on. She clung to Zheng Xiyi the whole time, wanted to hug her, refused to eat, and tried to coax her to no avail, forcing Zheng Xiyi to collapse directly, and even made a video of Ying Cai\’er asking for help. Everyone was ready to eat, but Xiao Yuer insisted that Hu Ke install the robot for him, now, immediately, immediately… I looked at my old mother and nodded frequently. It was really the same world, the same naughty child. The same naughty child, the same old mother who can’t bear the pain → roars → regrets, this endless cycle happens almost every day. Every mother is driven crazy. Many times, when I look at a child with tears in his eyes after being yelled at, I can’t help but torture myself.:who I am? What on earth did I do? I often fall into self-doubt: Am I a bad mother? Am I not worthy of being a mother? Frustrated, I searched the Internet and found that there are countless mothers like this: they know they shouldn\’t say or do this, but they still can\’t help it. I am becoming more and more impatient with my children. I always get angry. I know I shouldn\’t be like this, but I just can\’t control my anger. Even Ella, who is lively, cheerful and good-tempered, can\’t help shouting at her son Jinbao when he cries: \”It\’s so noisy! Stop crying!\” She can\’t help stroking her chest and letting out a sigh of relief. It turns out that I\’m not one person! It turns out that everyone is the same! Sample! one! Sample! of! If you continue to read, the next content will make your heart tremble and your whole body will run cold: Neurological research has found that when children hear yelling and cursing, their stress hormones will spike. Psychological research shows that children who often say angry words will develop a negative personality, become low self-esteem, introverted, depressed, and afraid of getting along with others. Philosopher John Locke believed that beating and scolding education would only produce slave-like children. …I couldn\’t help but cover my eyes and yell, \”I don\’t want to see, I don\’t want to see, I don\’t want to see.\” Even if she doesn\’t watch, listen or tell, the old mother knows deep down in her heart that yelling at her children is really harmful: if you don\’t talk about the problem until the problem is solved, it will hurt the child\’s heart and seriously affect the parent-child relationship. But, I know the truth, but I just can\’t help it. Yelling at children is not a disease, but it still needs treatment? You have to endure it. Really can\’t bear it? Then find a way to continue to endure it! You can\’t break the pot and continue to yell, you can\’t yell at the flesh and blood that you worked so hard to conceive in ten months. Who makes us the good mothers of the new era who correct our mistakes when we recognize them? Who makes us the brave old mothers who are willing to go through dangers and seas of fire for the sake of our children. I have summarized a few particularly good methods for the reference and practice of old mothers who have the same troubles. I read such a story to understand the truth about children’s “composition”. A father took his son to an amusement park, but the child kept making noises about getting out of the stroller, which made him very angry. Just as the shoelaces were untied, he squatted down and realized that from that height, he could only see densely packed buttocks, legs and feet. Nothing else can be seen. He immediately understood his son\’s crying, stopped scolding, and picked up the child from the stroller. I was deeply touched by this. So the next time my son had to wear his shoes backwards, I didn\’t lose my temper. Instead, I tried to wear them backwards. I found that wearing the shoes backwards made them feel tight. My son\’s teacher said that wearing shoes backwards can better fix the feet and shoes, and the shoes will not fall off easily, which will make the child feel more secure. Educator Pamela Druckman says that when a child reacts in an unusual way, there\’s a reason behind it. If we cannot understand why a child cries, we will define it as \”acting\” or \”unreasonable\”. But if you are willing to understand, you will find that the child is expressing his needs and grievances. To understand how children feel when they are \”yelled at\”, the Taiwan Child Welfare Alliance once invited the public to participate in an experience activity about \”inappropriate language\”. Invited people sat in the streets and were shouted at, criticized, and insulted. Afterwards, participants said they felt: \”nervous\”, \”fearful\” and \”scared\”\”Sad\”, some people even said, \”I will always remember this sentence and think that I am not that good.\” Adults find such hurt unbearable, let alone children? If you still feel that you can\’t empathize, you can try role-playing with your child. Let your child play the role of mother and tell you what you usually yell at him: You are so annoying! Are you a dog? Lie on the ground and get up! Why are you so stupid and have no brains? When you feel a little uncomfortable hearing those words, let the child who plays \”mom\” try to apologize to you: Mom just yelled at you, I\’m sorry. Mom shouldn\’t yell at you, can you forgive me? After repeating it several times, I believe you and your child will have an unforgettable feeling: It turns out that gentleness is more powerful than yelling. Look in the mirror and teach you the simplest, most direct and most effective method: keep a small mirror in your pocket at all times. When you feel like your child\’s behavior makes you want to get angry again, take it out and look at yourself inside. You may be scared yourself: Who is that woman with angry eyes, ferocious face, and fierce expression? Do you want to look so scary in the eyes of your children? Anyway, I don’t want to. The angry old mother understands the emotional mediation skills and accepts emotions, but why can\’t she still be a gentle mother? Because we ourselves are also a generation that is yelled at. According to psychology, once people lose control of their emotions, it is easy to switch to the mode they are most familiar with. In fact, the original family affects our children\’s education – when a child is angry, we will subconsciously yell at the child. Accepting emotions is the first step in emotional management. Understand and accept that \”yelling\” is not what we want, and the guilt and pressure of yelling children will be relieved. The vicious cycle of being unable to bear it → roaring → regretting will be broken. Tell yourself and your child in your heart: \”I\’m sorry, I really didn\’t mean it.\” Emotional self-help research shows that an angry outburst lasts no more than 12 seconds. After this period of time, most of the anger will soon dissipate. So, when you get angry again, try the counting method. Breathe slowly and deeply, and then count 10 numbers silently in your mind: 1, 4, 7, 10… While counting silently, do addition operations in your mind to shift your attention and your emotions will quickly calm down. After your emotions calm down, think about whether there is a better solution besides yelling. Communicate with family members about emotional transfer. After gaining their understanding, ask family members to help supervise. When the Lion of Hedong is about to roar, hand the child over to your family and calm down for a while. Or when you can\’t control your emotions, ask your family to intervene in time, remind yourself, or take the child away. Given enough time and space, the flames will naturally go out. Miriam Yeung once talked about her education method for her son Torres: I don’t think he is a child all the time. You need to have empathy when getting along with him, that is, treat him as a friend and see things from his perspective. I will understand him better. In fact, children are quite innocent. Yes, children are also human beings, independent individuals, and they also need respect and recognition. You might as well start from today. When dealing with your children, think from their perspective and be gentle. It may be difficult, but as long as you are willing to be with meTry it. I believe that your parent-child relationship will definitely get better and better.