How to cultivate children\’s self-confidence and transform them from inferiority to self-confidence?

A few days ago, some readers left a message behind the scenes, saying they wanted to read celebrity biographies and inspirational stories. It just so happened that last weekend I went to see a biographical movie full of positive energy – \”The Birth of a Legend\”, which was adapted from the true story of the football king Pele. The trailer says this is a growth story that records Pele\’s rise from the slums to become the king of football. But after reading it, I felt that this was more of a story about how a child overcame inferiority complex and became himself. Pele was born in poverty. During his childhood in the slums, football was his best toy and the streets were his best stadium. Both Pele and his father are avid football fans: When Brazil lost the 1950 World Cup, his father cried while watching in the room, and Pele cried on the roof. On the way home, Pele, who was only 9 years old at the time, rushed to his father and said: \”But my father smiled helplessly. He advised his son to listen to his mother\’s words: study hard and never embark on the path of football.\” The next day, my mother told Bailey: It turns out that my father was once a talented player who \”could score five goals with his head in a game.\” However, a knee injury caused his father to be abandoned by the team. He had no insurance or subsidies and was reduced to a single player. A cleaner who could only sweep toilets… However, Pele, who loves football, did not give up. When he learned that a \”Baulu Youth Football Cup\” was going to be held locally, he formed a team with several friends who usually played football together. A team. In this game, Pele also experienced his first \”inferiority\”, inferiority in family circumstances: the poor and rich second generation who competed together had been laughing at Pele\’s \”poorness\” – mocking them for being made of sheets. They also mocked Pele for being uneducated: Pele\’s original name was actually Dico because he pronounced the name of the famous star \”Bile\” as \”Pele\”. The rich second generation pointed at him and said: \”Let\’s call this idiot Bailey!\” (This is the real origin of Bailey\’s name) Bailey, who was still called Dico at the time, was so angry that he exploded with the rich second generation. They had a fight, and even went to steal peanuts and buy sneakers. When I came home with a face full of scars, I lied to my parents that it was the teacher who beat me, and my mother was very angry. But his father did not expose him, but said to him sincerely: \”When I was your age, I often fought with others, especially when the older children gave me nicknames. But as I grew up, I Realize that a good player must understand that only a sense of insecurity will give you fighting spirit. If you want to become a professional player, you must accept your truest self.\” On the day of the official game, everyone repeatedly dropped their sneakers because they did not fit. However, seeing the scores losing ground, Bailey suddenly understood the first way his father taught him to face his low self-esteem: \”Accept the true self\” – accept the reality of his poverty, how he usually plays, this is how he plays on the field. ! So, everyone took off their sneakers and quickly evened the score with bare feet! But before he could enjoy the joy of success, the incident of stealing peanuts came to light. While being chased by the owner of the cargo, Bailey\’s companion unexpectedly left. Bailey felt deeply remorseful and painful. In fact, at this time, Pele\’s parents received an invitation from a famous Brazilian club. However, seeing that their son was full of shadows about football due to the death of his friend, they did not mention the matter again. heWe know that in the face of shadows, what children need is time, and what parents need to give is waiting, companionship and patience. In order to divert Bailey\’s attention, his father started taking him to the hospital to clean the toilet every day. In his spare time, his father would tease Bailey by kicking mangoes from time to time, and tell him interesting stories about playing football when he was a child. At first, Pele indulged in sadness and remained unmoved, but every day he watched his father kick the mangoes into different trash cans so accurately even though he was lame on his knees. Pele\’s curiosity and enthusiasm for football revived. be aroused. When he was frustrated in practice, his father patiently accompanied Bailey and told him: \”Don\’t rush for success, enjoy the process, and everything will be solved.\” That\’s it, no sneakers, no court, not even a football. In the weeds in the backyard of the hospital, Bailey, who was kicking mangoes with his bare feet, gradually grew into a big boy. With his father\’s company, he began to learn to get along with his inferiority and shadow peacefully, and regained his original \”enjoyment\” of football. It was this time of \”looking up at the stars in the quagmire\” that allowed Pele to put optimism and peace into his mind. The spirit of inferiority and frustration is deeply rooted in the soul, accumulating strength for the future. The mother, who had always been opposed to her son playing football, was deeply moved by Pele\’s dedication to his dream when he saw the father and son practicing happily. So, she took the initiative to contact the club\’s coach, received her salary in advance and bought Bailey a cake and new pants, sending him on a new journey in life. Bailey, who received the understanding and support of her parents, hugged her mother excitedly. But we can see through the screen the complicated expression on Bailey\’s mother\’s face that is happy for her child but deeply worried for her child – for every parent, supporting their children to take a path that they have failed in is an anomaly. Difficult, confusing and painful choices. Giving unconditional love to your children is never a piece of cake. Every parent who dares to support their children unconditionally is under unimaginable pressure: they are afraid of missing their child\’s path, and they are also afraid of betraying their child\’s dream. When Pele entered the football club, he did not \”live happily ever after\” like in the fairy tale. He began to face the second inferiority complex in his life, professional inferiority: his method of playing football was different from other players! The coach kept mocking Pele for the traditional Brazilian kicking style he learned from his father: But Pele could never learn the \”European-style professional kicking style\” required by the coach. Frustrated repeatedly, Pele decided to give up and go home. While waiting for the bus, he met the man from back then. The old man who signed him into the club. When the old man saw him, he said: Oh, look who this is, why do you want to give up? Pele said: I can\’t, I don\’t know how to play football like others. The old man said: Isn’t it okay to be different from others? Bailey said: But the coach doesn\’t like my playing style and says my method is primitive. The old man told Pele a long story: It turns out that the traditional Brazilian kicking method that Pele is good at is called \”Jenga\”. It was a kicking method created by the black slaves who were exiled in Brazil during their entertainment in hiding from the jungle. Brazil has won many World Cups with the help of \”Jenga\”. But they lost in the 1950 World Cup. The Brazilians attributed the reason to this unique Brazilian street kicking method, namely \”Anyga\”In terms of playing style, we decided to eliminate \”Any Plus\” from Brazilian football and began to train according to the rigid playing style of European teams. Just when Bailey thought that the old man was trying to persuade him to give up \”Renga\”, the old man said: Faced with the professional inferiority complex of \”Kicking\”, the old man, like Bailey\’s father, still taught Bailey to \”accept the true self\” , but more importantly: let everyone see your strength. Dan Ma believes that this is the second way to overcome inferiority: speak with strength. Bailey recalled his father\’s teachings from back then: \”Don\’t rush for success, enjoy the process, and everything will be solved.\” He adjusted his mentality and began to regain the joy of \”playing\” football on the field. In an important match, he used the \”any plus\” kicking method and the \”upside down golden hook\” to score a very beautiful goal. From then on, no one in the club questioned his \”any plus\” style of play. Pele\’s outstanding performance made him the youngest player selected for the Brazilian World Cup national team at the age of 16. Before the game, Pele went home to visit his parents. Before leaving, his father specially gave him a piece of clothing with the word \”Pele\” embroidered on it (the old sheet used to make Pele\’s jerseys when he was a child) was specially given to him. It was difficult for Bailey to understand. At that time, he still hated the name \”Pele\” because it was the nickname that the rich family used to laugh at him. But his father said, \”No, this will be the name that everyone cheers for you in the future…\” Dad once again taught Bailey to face his \”inferiority\” in this way. Dad told Bailey about his knee injury that year. Because at that time I had self-doubt about Renjia\’s playing style and my faith was shaken. When I was hesitating on the field, I fell and injured my foot. So he told Pele: In the face of criticism, you must maintain a peaceful heart. The following plot made me feel that Pele\’s father is really \”a god of knowledge\”: The game has not even started, Pele\’s \”Any Add\” The way he played was unanimously opposed and ridiculed by coaches, reporters, teammates, and people across the country. To make matters worse, Bailey fell and injured himself while insisting on the \”any plus\” kicking method in practice. The injury was still the same as his father\’s knee – the knee! build! He called home crying and said that he should have listened to his mother and went to school well and found a job to support his family. But my mother didn\’t say a word of blame, but said with tears: \”This is a choice we made together, and it is also the right decision! No matter what happens, your dad and I will always love you.\” Seeing this, I shed tears . In the process of growing up, we also have many such moments. For example, if you want to go to a job that your parents don’t like, and then you can’t do it anymore… Marry and have children with a person that your parents don’t like, and then you can’t live with it anymore… At this time, when we pick up the phone, what we are most afraid of hearing is : \”Who told you not to listen to me?\” What we are most eager to hear is: \”It\’s okay, my parents are here.\” And the answer from Bailey\’s parents can really be said to be a textbook-level answer. She lets her child know that her parents\’ love for him is unconditional and will always be there no matter what happens. I remember it said in \”Unconditional Parenting\” that conditional love cannot share hardships with children. When children do not meet our expectations, we use some \”love pauses\” to withdraw love: \”Mom won\’t love you if you keep doing this.\”\”If you don\’t listen to mother, I will give you to someone else.\” \”Children who are \”scared\” in this way will be burdened with a kind of uneasiness and worry about gains and losses throughout their lives. Unconditional love means \”I don\’t love you because you are cute, but I think you are cute because I love you.\” It is like a gift. He does not ask for anything in return and will not take it back at will. In this way, children surrounded by a \”safety\” will be full of strength and courage at all times. Just like the lucky Pele, in countless games, when faced with strong pressure and extreme fear, he He can burst out with amazing energy, precisely because he has the unconditional love of his parents to support him. Rather than saying that every child desires to be Pele and become a strong man in life, it is better to say that he desires to be like Pele and have the unconditional love of his parents. He is the most cherished child in the hearts of his parents no matter whether he succeeds or fails. In the end, Pele won, and the whole of Brazil cried. What he cried was the recovered World Cup trophy, and the fact that Brazilians finally no longer have to imitate the Europeans\’ kicks. Law. People often say: \”The happiest thing is to live your life the way you like.\” When I saw this, what I thought of was \”The greatest win is to win in the way you like best.\” \”I hope each of us can become a parent who has the courage to love their children unconditionally, and also a parent who allows their children to overcome low self-esteem and become themselves.\”