Children, you should live your life, not what others want you to live.

A few days ago, a group popped up on the WeChat list, and I was inexplicably pulled into a group of elementary school classmates. Elementary school, for me, seems to be a matter of past life. Someone suggested sending a recent photo of themselves for a look, but they didn’t recognize each other. One after another, strange but familiar photos, mug shots, posed photos… Later, I also added many people as friends, and wanted to look through their circle of friends to see how they have been doing over the years. Mr. L is a well-known “dad” among his friends. He got married very young and his child is now 5 years old. Since becoming a father, he will share some news about his children every now and then: from when they first learned to crawl, to walk for the first time, to speak for the first time… to now independently completing a manual homework in kindergarten. In the eyes of Mr. L, his children are his greatest pride, and he wants to share this sense of honor with everyone. I happen to know Mr. L’s wife, who is a stay-at-home mother. In fact, she usually takes care of the children. I know that Mr. L has never changed a diaper or prepared milk powder for his child from the beginning. But he believes that he has participated in every milestone of his child\’s growth, because he has shown it in the circle of friends, and in the eyes of others, he is a good father. People who have perfect personalities in their circle of friends are not like this in reality. The relationship between people has become subtle. Many times, it starts from the circle of friends. We have to admit that the current circle of friends is not like the blogs and spaces of the past… a private territory where one can freely place personal emotions. The circle of friends is more like a catwalk. Everyone has their own painstakingly developed personality and works hard to show the best of themselves to others. There is a kind of life with its own \”filter\” in the circle of friends. It may be that we do not have a circle of friends and others think we live a decent life, but we also long to be in the circle of friends and use a better side to cover up the problems brought by life. Messy. A person\’s happiness often depends on the extent to which he can get rid of his dependence on the outside world. In addition to showing off his children, another part of his circle of friends is also full of all kinds of reposts. Especially the popular articles about \”exquisite mothers\” are quite popular. In imagination, those fairy mothers who are radiant and have their feet as high as the sky have no trivial matters in their lives, no firewood, rice, oil, salt, sauce, vinegar and tea, but only music, chess, calligraphy, painting and poetry. Hops, but truly strong people never live only in the friend zone. I have a best friend I have known for a long time who is a single mother. She is very special and different from the kind of people who try to perfectly balance their children and career. First of all, she rarely reads \”how to be a perfect mother\” chicken soup articles. She feels that she cannot put all the burden of \”whether she is good enough\” on her mother. She also realized that she did not have enough spiritual companionship for her children, and she was impatient and had little patience. She chose to use alternative methods to cultivate relationships with her children. She rarely spends time with her children, and rarely shares her experiences with her children in her circle of friends. She occasionally takes her son to play with her, and she doesn\’t have a strong or complicated purpose. She just plays together. When she becomes impatient while playing with her, she will not play with her mobile phone or do other things absentmindedly, but directly tell her child: \”Mom won\’t play with you anymore!\” Her childAfter her son got used to it, he became closer to her; and the rest of her time was spent on her career, and her development was particularly good. I think truly strong people will not live only in the circle of friends, nor will they live based on the eyes of others. Sharing your baby is a very normal phenomenon and there is nothing wrong with it. Sharing your baby is also a personal choice. However, what we need to avoid is to live like ourselves in the eyes of others, not to live like what others say. From a psychological point of view, posting such content can obtain subjective and objective satisfaction at the same time. One is praise from others, and the other is the self-identity it brings. At the moment when the message is successfully sent, I look forward to being clicked ❤ by others in the circle of friends, and gain the satisfaction of “you saw me do this” in front of everyone’s witness. In the same way, when we educate a child, if it is not for his or her own personal development, but to satisfy other people\’s opinions or expectations, then his education will be a failure, and his growth will make even himself dissatisfied. Xu Kaiwen, a professor at Peking University, mentioned in a lecture on family education: According to statistics, 30.4% of the first-year students at Peking University, including undergraduates and graduate students, delayed their studies or thought that studying was meaningless because living now is just a matter of time. Just live according to other people\’s logic. The most extreme case is to give up on yourself. In ancient China, there was a way of training a busker by putting a newborn child into a jar, waiting for it to grow into a jar shape, and then smashing the jar, then he would be a \”jar shape\” I am a clown and can perform busking everywhere. This is cruel, but we often do this kind of thing unconsciously, but what is stuffed into the jar is the soul of the child. Xiaohua’s grandma told me that day, you see, the Li family’s mother took her children to the art museum every two days, and today she took her children to see some exhibition. This will give the children a lot of experience, and they will definitely be great when they grow up! You should also learn more from others. I don’t want to judge myself by other people’s opinions of me, and I don’t want my children to live in the eyes of others. I want to tell Xiaohua: Your life is very precious, don’t live it how others want it to be. Only you know what you want your life to be like, and only you know your life and what you want. We can\’t draw conclusions about other people\’s lives, and we can\’t change you in the eyes of others. The road to understanding your own life is very long. You must first understand yourself, understand what you can do, and what you want. Only in this way can you have your own choices. Don\’t let others decide our path. In the eyes of others, there is no way we want to live. I have a student who is studying IT in college. Her parents want her to take the civil service exam in the last two years. She is unwilling and has a fierce quarrel with her family. She feels that her personality is not suitable for the work of a civil servant and she does not like to be quiet. Yes, she wants to set up her own Internet company and impress everyone. After graduation, she chose to work hard on her own. It has been 8 years now. Although she has not realized her original dream, she has become the technical director of a large Internet company. The most terrifying thing about sticking to and paying attention to yourself is losing yourself and becomingI don\’t have my own independent life, everything is thinking: If I do this, they will think of me… Writer Bi Shumin once said: Happiness is a kind of inner stability. When you start to pay attention to yourself and live seriously, you will find that instead of trying to do better in the eyes of others, your improvement every day is more worth looking forward to. Trying to live the way you want to live the way you like is a kind of beauty. Everyone wants to live happily and freely, but we often look for ourselves in others and forget our true selves in the corner. Children need space to grow. If a child\’s life is lived according to what others want from the beginning, from personality, interests, school, major, work, to the final marriage, everything is arranged, such a bright road is not painful, but But it is sad. Just like if we live in the circle of friends and the evaluation of others, we may never feel the happiness in reality. When I saw other people’s children buying high-end toys, I thought they were very fashionable, and I wanted to make my children more fashionable, so I bought the same toys; other people’s children started learning piano, so I asked my own children to learn piano too; other people’s children It is very sad to take the civil service exam and let your own children take the exam… Look at other people\’s appearance, constantly imitate others, and then work hard to live like others; forget yourself, watch what others do, and follow suit, no matter whether it is comfortable or not Suitable for myself, it is very pitiful. Living the way you like is a wonderful experience. There are all kinds of life, and everyone has a different way of living; there are thousands of possibilities in life, and there is always one that you want.