What happens if parents threaten education?

A few days ago, I saw such a scene in the mall. A little boy sat slumped on the ground, pointing to the toys on the counter with one hand, and tugging at his mother\’s clothes with the other, crying: \”I want that toy! I want that toy!\” The mother shook off his hand, Staring at him angrily, she yelled, \”Go and ask for some toys. If you cry again, I won\’t want you anymore!\” After saying that, my mother turned around and left. 10 Recommended Classic Family Education Books When the little boy saw this, he got up in a hurry and didn\’t bother to wipe away his tears. He sobbed and ran to his mother\’s side. He reached out and wanted to grasp the corner of his mother\’s clothes, but her mother angrily said swatted his hand away. Seeing the little boy\’s cautious and frightened look, I felt really sad. In fact, similar scenes can be seen everywhere in our lives: In a restaurant, a mother tries to persuade her daughter to eat well: \”Look at there are so many people here. If you don\’t sit down and eat well, the child abductors will take you away.\” Be careful not to see your parents again.\” When crossing the road, the little girl didn\’t care to look at the road and was still addicted to the mobile game. Upon seeing this, the mother grabbed the little girl\’s cell phone and threatened her: \”If you play with your cell phone on the road again, the police will arrest you!\” In families with two children, in order to make their children obedient, parents often warn: \”Look how good my brother is. , if you don’t obey, we will make your brother abandon you.” In order to make their children remember and become obedient, parents often use “threatening education”, and sometimes even make up and exaggerate the facts. Parents can say whatever they want to make their children scared, and they self-righteously think that this is for the good of their children. However, is this kind of education method really good for children? Some education experts have clearly pointed out that children who are exposed to threats for a long time will lack a sense of security, develop a flattering personality, and even lose themselves, which is seriously detrimental to the healthy physical and mental development of children. Therefore, threatening education treats the symptoms but not the root cause, and will also have a huge impact on children. Threatening education will sow a seed of uneasiness in the heart of children. There is a topic on Zhihu: \”How to treat parents\’ threatening education?\” A netizen\’s answer is very distressing. Ever since she was sensible, her father has been a loyal practitioner of threatening education. \”If you don\’t obey me, we won\’t want you.\” \”If you don\’t study hard, you won\’t be able to get into a good university. No one will like you.\” \”If you don\’t listen to me, you will suffer sooner or later. No one will care about you then.\” Yours.\” In every conversation and every phone call, her parents used intimidation and threats to force her to be obedient. Even though she has grown up, her parents still dictate her life: she wants to do what she likes, but her parents think she has no future. She wanted to take a break and take a breath. Her parents felt that if they didn\’t strike while the iron was hot, they would be left far behind. She didn\’t want to take the civil service exam, go on a blind date, or go back to her hometown. Her parents either scolded her hysterically: \”He has no conscience\” or \”white-eyed wolf\”, or they used their own body and life to constantly coerce her into submission. Growing up, she had almost never seriously thought about what she wanted. She was always worried that she would disappoint her parents if she was not careful. She was worried that she would offend her parents and make them angry if she was not careful. Get sick. She gave in step by step, obeying everything, but living increasingly unhappy. She was unwilling to talk to others and became low self-esteem and timid. She is extremely insecure and feels at a loss when encountering anything. She doesn\’t dare to work hard in her career, and she doesn\’t dare to strive for love. Even the things she likes are worried about gains and losses. It is said that children’s sense of security comes from their parents. The respect parents give their children is the confidence for them to move forward bravely. The love and understanding that parents give their children are the source of their strong hearts. If a child is too \”sensible\”, it may not be a good thing. I once read such a story. The girl has been praised by relatives and friends since she was a child as a well-behaved, sensible and polite child. But in fact, the little girl just tried her best to \”pretend to be good\” so as not to make her parents angry. She obviously wanted to play in the sandpit with other children, but she deliberately said she didn\’t want to play because she was afraid of getting her clothes dirty. She obviously wants to eat an ice cream, but she is worried that her mother will be angry and say that she is not feeling well and does not want to eat it. She obviously liked that beautiful dress, but she waved her hands and said: It\’s too expensive, I don\’t want it, I don\’t want it. Du Jiang once said: If you can be pampered, who wouldn\’t want to be willful when you grow up? The reason why the little girl is so two-faced has a lot to do with the threats and intimidation from her parents. Every time she dropped rice on her clothes, her mother would tell her, \”If you keep doing this, I won\’t buy you nice clothes anymore.\” She went out without calling anyone, and her mother said to her, \”Why don\’t you call someone?\” Are you mute? I won’t take you out to play if you’re not polite next time.” She was fighting with her brother, and her mother said to her, “Why can’t you let me go? You are a big child, and if you keep doing this, you won’t have any pocket money. I\’m done.\” At a young age, facing threats from her parents, she had no choice but to say \”OK\” with tears in her eyes, biting her lips. Until now, little girls will always pay attention to their parents\’ faces. As long as her parents widen their eyes, the little girl will be conditioned to feel scared. She will uneasily reflect on whether she has done anything wrong, and quickly admit her mistakes to her parents, show her attentiveness, and exchange more obedient and well-behaved behavior for her parents. forgive. And this kind of please mentality has been with her as she grew up, becoming a subconscious habit. In her future work and relationships, she would habitually give priority to other people\’s feelings: \”Well, okay, then I\’ll try to help you.\” \”Is there something I didn\’t do well? Really?\” I\’m sorry.\” \”Okay, you can go if you want. I\’m really fine.\” She is afraid of other people\’s negative comments and is afraid that she has done something inappropriate, so she tries her best to please others. Education experts said: Absolute \”sensible\” is not necessarily a good thing for children. Indeed! Catering to and pleasing others means that children will care too much about what others think. They do not have their own opinions when doing things and dare not express different opinions; they will blame themselves for mistakes that are not theirs and even deny and blame themselves; they do not understand what they really want, and they do not understand what they really want. There is no way to truly achieve inner happiness. Children who are too sensible become the biggest stumbling block in their growth. Gentle but firm education is the best education. A French friend once talked to me about her relationship with her parents. When she was a child, she was very playfulPi always fights with boys. Once, she wanted to read someone else\’s comic book, but he didn\’t let her read it, so she pushed the person angrily. As a result, the two children started fighting as they went back and forth. When her parents found out about this, they were not angry and did not beat or scold her. Instead, after asking her why she hit someone, he gently and seriously provided her with a solution to the problem: \”If you want them to lend you a comic book to read, you can borrow it from them directly, or you can ask them if they want it. If you have anything, exchange it with them. This is the way to solve the problem. Hitting people will only make them avoid you and dare not approach you.\” It is precisely because of the tolerance and patience of my parents that until now, no matter what Whatever difficulties she encounters or grievances she suffers, she will tell her parents for help just like she would complain to her friends. Teacher Li Meijin said: All education must be based on the parent-child relationship. If the parent-child relationship is not good, all education will be in vain. We use parental authority to threaten children, blame children, and control children, which can only reflect the effectiveness of education on the surface, but cannot convince children. Only like the parents of friends, can they respect their children\’s ideas, listen to their children\’s distress, encourage children to express their feelings and needs, invite children to find solutions together, provide children with a choice, and give children more patience and gentleness. Only then can your children identify with you and change in the direction you want. The process of parents educating their children is also a process of continuous understanding and learning. In order to educate their children well, parents must also learn, change and work hard together. Replace harsh reasoning with gentle guidance; replace threats of beating and scolding with patient equal communication; replace domineering control with clear analysis. Parents\’ gentle and patient guidance, firm support and encouragement are the best education for their children. Children\’s growth is inseparable from the support of their parents.