How to raise a happy and successful child?

For the sake of rigor, I will first define success: A successful person in my eyes means someone who has fully utilized their potential, has goals and pursuits, has made great achievements in certain fields, and has gained widespread recognition and respect from society. , people who are physically and mentally healthy and have a strong sense of happiness. This success does not look at scores, nor does it look at whether one was admitted to a prestigious school at the age of 18, nor does it mean winning various awards before the age of 18. It refers to the above-mentioned life status after the age of 30. It depends on how much development potential the person has and what contribution he has to society. How big your contribution is, whether you are happy or not. Looking at most excellent tutoring books and the memories of successful people of all generations about their own growth, they reveal the rules behind successful family education through individual cases. If we further analyze these laws, we can find that there are more profound laws contained in the laws. In fact, there is no need to refine it repeatedly. If you look more closely, you will find that those successful people, whether they are young geniuses or ordinary children, have similar family education backgrounds. Their parents will show many commonalities, among which the most prominent characteristics are: Both my parents are devoted practitioners of lifelong learning. One day, I accidentally read the autobiography of Mr. Yau Shing-tung, a master of mathematics. CCTV’s 5 high-quality Chinese historical and cultural documentaries, treasured by children. He said: “When my late father was a professor at the college, students often came to my home to discuss their studies, which made me feel a lot. My grades in elementary school were not ideal, but my father’s life-long pursuit His deep interest in learning has cultivated my interest in learning, which has become an inexhaustible motivation in my life to learn anything I want to learn.\” In the articles I wrote before, there are several people like Hu Shi , Liang Sicheng, Jobs, Gates, Yu Minhong, Zheng Yuanjie, Gao Xiaosong, Hao Jingfang… That is a long list of very objective numbers. Look at their parents, almost all of them are lifelong learners. The lifelong learning I am talking about is not limited to the study of book knowledge, but through hard work, reading about the world, summarizing experience, and then broadening your mind, advancing with the times, and showing children a vigorous and upward spiritual temperament, which is good for children. Create an invisible attraction. Just like the famous short video \”Abbu\”, the greatest wealth that parents bring to their children is their love of learning. I have observed that the parents of all successful people, whether they are from cities or villages, whether they are intellectuals, workers, or farmers, learn for themselves, enjoy the process of learning, strive for excellence in their work, self-transcendence, and become Experts, with a truly active, rich, free, pious and upward heart, break away from the shackles, become clear and clear, and enter the spiritual highland of light, inadvertently enlightening children\’s life wisdom. This should unintentionally set an example of continuous learning for children, allowing them to see that learning is fulfilling, happy, and a natural way of life. It\’s still what I said in the book \”Awakening Children\’s Inner Drive\”. What really affects children is the life state displayed by the parents themselves. Moreover, you can almost see an atmosphere from the words and deeds of these parents. , calm, and calm. This kind of knowledge, thinking, and pattern that are most conducive to the growth of children are not innate. They come from the wisdom formed by a broad vision and insight into life, and from continuous self-learning.I ascend. It is their common practice to control little and leave free space for children, to control more and take things slowly. Judging from media interviews and reports, it seems that the parents of successful people all have \”no control\”. Their \”never taking care of\”, of course, does not mean that they never really take care of things, but that they don\’t care about things that shouldn\’t be taken care of, but they must take care of things that should be taken care of, and the degree of management should be determined appropriately. Just take Gao Xiaosong\’s mother Zhang Kequn. After she had her own child, she also believed that \”education should be conceptual education, not concrete education.\” To put it bluntly, \”don\’t worry about so much\”! She said, \”Some parents like to criticize their children because they have forgotten what they were like when they were children. I sharpened two pencils for my children and never took care of them.\” Although he said \”I don\’t care about the children\”, Zhang Kequn did not. Use your own actions to influence your children. When Gao Xiaosong and his sister were very young, Zhang Kequn, who loved history, would take his children to the Summer Palace, sit on both sides of the corridor, and tell the brother and sister the meaning of each painting; in front of every ancient house with couplets, he would read those couplets to his children. The cadence of the words; in the hallway and corridor, she told them the functions of the dismounting stone and the hitching post… Through those still objects, she told an extremely vivid history, and that history made the brothers and sisters understand the vastness of the world. Such an open learning environment has given Gao Xiaosong\’s spirit and soul an extraordinary temperament since he was a child, making him different from other children. This is management with good intentions! Yang Jiang mentioned in \”The Three of Us\”: \”Qian Yuan (daughter) was studying foreign languages. There was a difficult word. She looked it up in three dictionaries but couldn\’t find it. She came to ask her father, but Zhongshu didn\’t tell her and left her alone. I continued to search and found the fifth dictionary and sure enough I found it.\” When Qian Yuan wanted her father to tell her about ancient poetry, Qian Zhongshu said: \”What\’s so good about ancient poetry? Go and see it yourself!\” Just like that, at such a young age Qian Yuan, in order to seek knowledge, started independent reading. Unanswered doubts became her best motivation for studying. Over the years, I have met parents of truly outstanding children, and curiously asked them how they were educated. The story is almost the same: I haven’t paid much attention to it, and I don’t care about many details. Later, when I thought about it, I realized that they were not telling lies and had no control over it. They probably rarely provided specific guidance on their children\’s learning. They focused on the main branches but ignored the branches. They knew how to fully mobilize their children\’s internal drive and did not need parents to keep an eye on them every day. Therefore, good education is fundamentally the same. It ultimately gives people freedom, while also being able to draw boundaries and provide conditions for growth so that children can flourish. Bill Gates, Jobs, and Musk almost all grew up in this environment. Instead of copying my parents’ life, I created my own unique life. \”Regardless\” actually shows great ability and wisdom, intentionally or unintentionally creating a relaxed growth environment for children. They are all educational strategists, not micromanaging nanny-style coaches. I recently read a book called \”Principles of Raising High-Achieving Children.\” Although I don\’t agree with some of the parenting concepts, the definition of successful people in it is similar to my own. are similar. The two authors of this book are Ronald Ferguson, a professor at the Harvard Kennedy School, and Tasha Robertson, a professor at the Harvard Kennedy School.Famous American journalist. Tasha and Ronald began interviewing nearly 200 high achievers across the United States in 2003 to discuss their family education in detail. Among the large number of high-achieving people interviewed for this book, regardless of race, socioeconomic status, education level, faith, and nationality, their parents had a highly similar set of parenting styles. Tasha and Ronald therefore called these people \” Master Parent\”. What is a master parent? Even when it comes to raising children, we always put strategy first, take a long-term view, and talk about tactics last. They don’t pay as much attention to methods and tactics as most parents. For example, do they care about school district housing? What talents should be cultivated in children? What kind of tutoring class should I sign up for? Where does your child\’s midterm exam score rank? They seem to be high-matching parents, \”philosophers\” and \”GPS\”. The former helps children understand the world and see clearly what the nature of the world is, while the latter helps children broaden their horizons and guide them in possible directions based on a full understanding of them when they are walking alone. They believe that children’s success = sense of mission + internal drive + intelligence. Of course, a sense of mission that is merely a general success or a happy person can be replaced by a goal, a strong interest, and a love for a certain job. They all pay attention to letting children develop noble character and quality. As long as a person lives older, he will have an obvious feeling: a person\’s virtue is more important than his ability! At the same time, we can also see that if a person wants to achieve greater success, no one can do without such qualities: altruism, self-discipline, tenacity, and cooperation! Parents of successful children can, on the basis of establishing a deep emotional connection with their children, deliberately and determinedly cultivate their children\’s altruism, tenacity, self-discipline, Integrity and cooperation rather than leaving things to chance. These parents all know that to accomplish any great thing, these qualities must be the guarantee. A few years ago, I noticed a book called \”Dedicated Parents Raise Great Men\”, in which a mother named Quan Huixing had four sons and two daughters, all of whom were outstanding. The mother said: \”Life is not a 100-meter race, but a marathon. In the process of educating children, we must understand that for a person, talent is very important, but what is more important is his character. Having both political integrity and talent , even if virtue is better than talent, this person will become a real big shot. I hope that the children will be talented, but I also hope that they will become people with moral character and quality, and I have put in a lot of efforts for this.\” This kind of education will never deviate from The axis and bottom line is that even if a child does not become a big shot, he will still be an ordinary person who is beneficial to society.