Should parents use persecutory education?

I saw a report a few days ago and thought it was worth discussing. There is a three-and-a-half-year-old girl in Chongqing. Her father often uses \”striking\” language to educate her. He believes that only by hitting can you learn to work hard, so he often says to his daughter: \”You are really stupid!\” \”You are so stupid.\” My daughter’s mouth is so long that she can’t even call anyone?” According to her daughter’s mother, when her child went to kindergarten last September, the teacher would ask her to review the ancient poems and English words she learned in kindergarten at home. My husband tutored me at home and reviewed it twice. If he didn\’t memorize the ancient poem or read the wrong words, he would irritate my daughter and say that she was too stupid and couldn\’t learn anything. My daughter is also very independent. She usually answers at this time: \”I\’m not stupid.\” Then her husband says: \”Then you are smart, so learn it quickly.\” 10 classic family education books recommend such a \”stimulating method\”. Is it feasible? Stress and Tolerance We use a simple analogy to explain this matter. If you are asked to pick up a 100-pound burden, if it feels heavy to you, you will definitely pick it up and walk as fast as flying. Hurry to your destination and put down your burden. This is probably the theoretical basis for what this father said, \”Only by motivating the generals will you be motivated.\” However, if I were to pick 200 pounds for you, would you feel heavy? certainly. But if you are asked to run, can you run? Unless you are like Guan Gong, born with supernatural powers. As ordinary people, it is already good for us to be able to move step by step. At this time, if you say: \”Don\’t you feel heavy? Why don\’t you run faster?\” You will probably get a beating. So back to the question, what if the person who is asked to carry 200 pounds is a child who is not yet a minor and whose skeletal development is not yet mature? Do you think letting her carry 200 pounds can hone his will, make him more stamina, and make his bones so beautiful that he will become a great person in the future? There are probably a few children born with extraordinary bones who can embark on such a path. Most children will probably have their bones crushed directly and become disabled from then on. I am lucky enough to be healthy and survive. Next time I see that 200-pound load, I will tremble all over and run away. Invisible psychological conditions In the same situation, when it comes to psychology, why do we think it is an incentive, no matter how heavy the burden is on the child, or how hard we hit him, there is no problem? Is it even for his own good? Is it a good way of education? Because the mind cannot see. Physically, broken hands and broken feet can be clearly seen, so we can clearly know what cannot be done and how much weight is beyond a person\’s ability to bear. Psychological problems are different, they cannot be seen or touched. Whether there is any harm or negative effects depends entirely on personal judgment. If you say he has it, then he has it. If you say he doesn\’t, it\’s hard to take a photo for you to prove that he has it. And children of a few years old are even less likely to know whether they are hurt in their hearts. He has no right to speak at all. The first one or two times, the child could still retort confidently: \”I\’m not stupid.\” \”I\’m smart.\” \”I can do it.\” The more times it happened, she probably gradually agreed in her heart: Dad was right, I really Very stupid, can\’t do such a simple thing. Furthermore, they gradually fell into habitual self-denial and self-attack. The biggest hidden danger of the limitation of children\’s understanding ability is that the meaning it expresses is all roundabout and roundabout.It takes countless circles to reach the real destination. And children are the worst at taking detours. Their thinking is simple and direct, it\’s either/or. They hit wherever their parents point them out, and they don\’t know how to go around in circles. Because a child won\’t think too much, let alone feel that you are motivating her. She can only understand your literal meaning: if you call her stupid, she will feel that her brain is really bad. If you say that she won\’t bark when her mouth is long, she will feel that there is indeed something wrong with her mouth. For younger children, they basically believe whatever you say. Children\’s understanding of language is based on their cognitive abilities. What children can understand is concrete, visible and tangible information. Just like an example shared by a parent: My baby is less than three years old. Once I was sitting playing with my cell phone, and the baby suddenly rushed over and hit me. I threatened him and said, \”Xiaobao, you are not far away from daddy beating you.\” He ran to the other end of the room, tilted his head and said, \”Is it far away now?\” The child thinks \”far\” is It refers to the distance in space, and the \”far\” in the words of parents is abstract distance. The parent\’s implication is: If you hit me again, I will hit you. This is the logic of adults, but the child does not feel this level at all. Only by educating children according to their understanding ability can children receive correct information. Don\’t talk to your children in a roundabout or sarcastic manner with the arrogance of an adult, making sarcastic remarks, making sarcastic remarks, or making inappropriate jokes. Children, they may all take it seriously. Avoiding double-avoidance conflicts What is \”double-avoidance conflicts\”? Let\’s first talk about its biological brother \”Double Trend Conflict\”. There is an old saying in China: \”You can\’t have your cake and eat it too.\” So, what if I want to have both? The fish wants it, the bear\’s paw also wants it, I don\’t want to make a choice, I don\’t want to give up either one, but reality doesn\’t allow me to want both, what should I do? At this time, the conflict between the two trends appears. \”Double avoidance of conflict\” is just the opposite. I don\’t want both. If you choose fish, you feel there are too many thorns. If you choose bear paw, you are hunting wild animals, which is against the law. What should you do? The key is, you are also required to choose one, what should you do? If possible, just choose: lie flat or display badly. The underlying logic of the provocation method is the preconceived assumption that even if you don\’t like both, you will always choose a way to go. If you don’t want to be scolded, then study hard. If you don’t want to be called stupid, then show your skills and learn quickly. If you don’t want poor grades, then work hard and work hard. This is the ideal state we want. The solution lies in the problem you see in the problem, which may just be the child\’s means of solving the real problem. For example, if a child is always unwilling to do homework and exercises well, this kind of avoidance behavior is used to solve the anxiety and fear when facing learning. Everyone is afraid of frustration and a sense of loss of control, especially children, who feel that everything should be under their control. This also explains why very young children always use grabbing and attacking methods to deal with their relationships with other children. Therefore, when faced with a brand new learning task, the strong sense of strangeness and loss of control will make children instinctively want to run away. At this time, it is not possible to rely on coercion and inducement. After all, coercion and inducement are essentially making childrenMake a difficult choice between \”being beaten and scolded\” and \”the pressure of studying\”. The child said: I don’t want either of them. When the pressure to study is too great, whether it is threats or rewards, the effect is not good enough. To eliminate a child\’s sense of unfamiliarity with learning, it is necessary to first train the child\’s language system, and use patience and companionship to help the child overcome fear and fear of difficulties. Instead of just focusing on – \”preventing children from escaping\”. When children are frustrated or injured in the process of exploration, what they need is parents\’ care, comfort and healing, rather than a dry \”Come on, you can do it!\” Only in this way can children feel that they are not alone and not alone. People are exploring that dark unknown world alone. Once you are no longer afraid, curiosity and courage will naturally come out. Where do you need to stimulate them?