When raising a daughter, it is better to teach her to be thorny than to teach her to be like a sheep

I was stung by a scene in the hit drama \”Love Happens in Three Days\”. The girl Yuhan is a typical good girl. At school, she had a simple social life and focused solely on her studies. She lived a balanced life and never went out to play with her classmates. At home, she is well-behaved and sensible. She never goes west when her mother tells her something, even if she is wronged. But such a well-behaved woman did not live a happy life. Instead, she was subjected to domestic violence again and again after marriage. Even though she was beaten black and blue, she still chose to swallow it. Until she couldn\’t bear it anymore, she cried and asked her mother: \”I did everything you said, but why am I still so unhappy?\” She has been obeying her mother all her life, and she has encountered many misfortunes because of it. . The book \”Raising Girls\” says: The living space of girls is becoming more complex and full of crises. Their present and future are destined to be richer and more difficult than ours. As parents, we are used to using rules and restrictions to educate our daughters to be well-behaved and obedient. We always think that such girls will be liked by others and have a smooth life. But a good girl is like a docile sheep. When encountering bad people or bad things, she is easily slaughtered and has no resistance. Countless facts and tragedies tell us: If a family has a daughter, it is better to teach her to be covered in thorns than to teach her to be like a sheep. Only in this way can we put on powerful armor for our daughter. Only then can they become more courageous in the face of setbacks and protect themselves in the wind and rain. Be wild and break the shackles of being \”girly\”. Li Xiaomeng, a parent-child educator, once shared an experience. Once she took her daughter to a friend\’s house for a visit, but her 5-year-old daughter secretly climbed to the top of a big tree while she was not paying attention. That was the first time she saw her daughter climbing a tree. At that time, she felt a chill down her spine, her legs were weak and her heart was shaking, for fear that her daughter would fall. But she did not yell and emphasize the risks of climbing the tree, nor did she force her daughter to come down. Instead, she covered her eyes, clutched her heart, and let her daughter explore freely. In her opinion, this is a good opportunity to exercise, allowing her daughter to feel her body control and safety awareness while climbing up and down. Yes, who says girls have to be quiet and elegant and be a lady? Allowing a girl to be \”wild\” and \”rough\”, allowing her to go crazy, have adventures, and explore is the most direct way to train a girl. Fighting Queen Zhang Weili has been fond of fighting since she was a child, and even often ran between the rooftops in the village. The running shoes her family bought for her would wear them out in a week. But her parents never restrained Zhang Weili. Instead, they dug holes in their yard so that she could practice \”Qing Gong\”. Having been accustomed to being \”wild\” since childhood, she also took an unusual path. When a girl from the same village got married early, she embarked on the road to Beijing alone. Because she dared to venture and try, she worked as a receptionist at a gym. While working, she spent her free time practicing fighting and never cared about other people\’s strange looks. The coach once commented on her: \”Even when I was wrestling with male athletes, I never saw her afraid.\” It is this courage and courage that constantly stimulates her physical potential and allows her to swing her fists heartily on the fighting field. If you have a daughter at home, don’t pamper her, but raise her wild. Only if the body is not \”squeamish\” can a girl go further; if the heart is not \”squeamish\”, can a girl live a good lifeGot to be steaming hot. As one father said: \”I don\’t object to my daughter wearing princess dresses, but I hope she can try more running barefoot, rolling on the grass, playing in the mud, jumping into puddles, and having fun with her friends. A bruise will hurt her. A girl who can get up and continue playing wildly in the blink of an eye must have good resilience. A girl who dares to catch bugs, climb trees, and wants to try anything must have good courage.\” Be ruthless and have \”not to be trifled with\” \”Tu Lei, the temperament host of \”Tu Lei, conducted such an experiment with his daughter when she was still young. He took out the walnut kernels and asked his daughter to pat them, but she smashed them into pieces in a few clicks. He took out the walnut shell and asked his daughter to pat it, but the daughter refused: \”The shell of the walnut is hard and it will hurt when patted.\” Tu Lei took the opportunity to educate his daughter: \”So, if you are a walnut kernel, you can let others bully you, but If you are a walnut shell and can do the opposite, then you will not be bullied because you know how to fight back bravely.\” Yes, as parents, we must let our daughters have an upbringing not to bully, but also to not be bullied. aura. Just like a rose with thorns, it is both beautiful and difficult to live with. The writer Sanmao once wrote about his experience of studying abroad. Before going out, her parents repeatedly told her: \”You must have a Chinese upbringing when dealing with others. Be patient in everything. If you suffer a loss, you will take advantage. If you have a dispute with someone, step back and the world will be brighter.\” Sanmao kept it all in mind. She was courteous, gentle and courteous. Treat everyone and always rush to do things. However, her meekness turned Sanmao into her roommate\’s maid. Making the bed, wiping the table, washing the floor, and cleaning up the waste paper all became her tasks. Sanmao endured it again and again, silently taking on all the chores, but his mood became increasingly depressed. Until one day, her roommates got drunk and acted like crazy on her bed, completely irritating her. She grabbed the broom and swung it wildly at her roommate. The roommate was about to hit her, but she slapped her with her backhand and kicked her with her leg… From then on, no one dared to bully Sanmao anymore, and they even took the initiative to show their kindness to her. Psychologist Wu Zhihong said: \”When others perceive that you are a person who is not easy to mess with, it is easier for you to gain respect and gain good relationships.\” Girls can be kind, but they must have their own edge. After all, a person\’s malice will often only be vented on a rabbit, not a lion. Therefore, parents should tell their daughters as early as possible: When their rights and interests are violated, they must dare to speak out. Only by raising their voices and toughening their tone can they gain momentum. When encountering excessive people or things, you must dare to fight back, release your aggression, and have a strong attitude, so that bad people will not dare to make mistakes. Be tough and dare to stick to your own opinions. In psychology, there is a herd effect. It means: as long as one sheep moves in the flock, the other sheep will rush forward without thinking, completely ignoring the possibility of wolves around them. And there is better grass not far away. Well-behaved and obedient girls, like these sheep, have no thoughts of their own and will only follow the crowd. When they were young, they listened to their parents, and when they grew up, they listened to their friends and husbands. Please others, but sacrifice yourself. Kai-Fu Lee once said: \”To be my daughter, you don\’t have to be obedient, but you must be positive and have the ability to think independently and bravely try.\” When raising a daughter, being assertive is more important than being obedient10000 times. I think of Wei Huixiao, China\’s first female captain, a woman who Sa Beining praised as \”so awesome that even a TV series wouldn\’t dare to do it like this.\” She had dreamed of uniforming herself in the military since she was a child, but when she was 18 years old, she was unable to enter the national defense program due to limited enrollment in the region, so she had to study meteorology at NTU. When she graduated from college at the age of 23, she gave up her major and went to work at Huawei. In four years, she was promoted to secretary to the senior vice president. With a halo and a bright future ahead of her, she quit her job and decided to take the postgraduate entrance examination. Many people\’s first reaction is: Wei Huixiao, you are crazy! But she did not defend herself and was admitted to Sun Yat-sen University with first place, where she studied for a master\’s degree and a Ph.D. In the first year of her PhD studies, she developed strict physical training for herself and insisted on running 10 kilometers every day. Two years later, she sent a more than 200-page self-recommendation letter to the chief of the Navy. Her long-cherished wish came true. At that time, she was 34 years old. Although the starting point for \”senior enlistment\” is low, Wei Huixiao\’s goal is not low at all: to be China\’s first female captain. Along the way, she has the courage to question what she doesn\’t like, and she has the confidence to stick to what she likes. From undergraduate to Ph.D., from executive to captain, Wei Huixiao has lived her life as a light, and her deep opinions are the light source of life. There is a saying that goes well: Thoughts determine behavior, and opinions determine direction. In daily life, parents should encourage their daughters to have their own ideas, give them the right to say \”no\”, and let them make their own choices and bear the consequences. A girl can be fearless only if she has light in her heart, and can overcome obstacles with strong thoughts. Girls who dare to think and act will have thousands of possibilities in life. Be tough and build a strong heart. There is a saying that goes well: Obedience can only bring temporary good luck, but a strong heart is lifelong armor. The highest level of raising a daughter is to cultivate her strong heart. It reminds me of the experience of the talented ski girl Gu Ailing taking the college entrance examination. Because of the epidemic, she had to fly to Geneva to take the college entrance examination. As a result, the flight was delayed, causing her to lack sleep. The next day, when the exam time was only 10 minutes away, the taxi never came. When she ran 1.6 kilometers to school in the rain with only 4 minutes left, she couldn\’t find the exam entrance because the signs were all in German. She could only knock on the door from classroom to classroom, and then found the examination room at the last minute. Just take the test, there are many twists and turns, most people would have collapsed a long time ago. But she was able to score a high score of 1580 (out of 1600), surpassing 99.8% of the candidates. How is such a strong psychological quality developed? At the age of 3, when children of the same age were still crying and complaining, she followed her mother on the small slope, practicing skiing over and over again, falling down and getting up again and again. When she was 8 years old, she was left out and ostracized on the ski team. Gu Ailing practiced skiing hard, polishing every move carefully, and using her results to slap those who laughed at her in the face. When she participated in the adult competition for the first time at the age of 13, she had a fever of 40 degrees and her throat was so sore that she could not speak. She still endured the pain and participated in the competition and got second place. It is the tenacity and persistence in her bones that make her full of hard work, neither giving up easily nor giving up easily. But in life, many parents can\’t bear to let their weak daughters endure hardships and hardships. As a result, I did not experience wind and rain when I was a child, but when I grow up, I will be able to survive even a little bit of wind and rain.Crush them. There is a saying that goes well: We fall many times and find that our knees become harder; we shed many tears, and then our eyes become brighter; we break our hearts many times, and then our hearts become bigger. As a parent, don’t be reluctant to let your daughter endure hardship or be reluctant to let your daughter get hurt. All the sweat, blood and tears have helped my daughter temper her heart and temper her will. Only by cultivating a pair of hard wings can a girl fly high and far without fear of wind, rain or setbacks. Steve Biddulph mentioned in \”Raising Girls\”: \”Girls have natural inner strength, and they are as eager to explore as boys. It\’s just that in the process of growing up, parents and society may consciously or unconsciously constrain this. We have a daughter at home, and we all hope to prevent her from being frightened, suffering, from being homeless, and from having nothing to rely on. But we can only accompany our daughter for more than ten years. In the days to come, she will eventually travel alone. Therefore, letting your daughter grow up freely and wildly, strengthening her character, and forging a strong heart is the best gift for her. Only a \”thorny\” girl has the ability to get through the troubles in front of her, and has the confidence to reach the poetry and distance she longs for.