What should I do if my child refuses to admit his mistake after making a mistake?

Children will always make mistakes, and the different ways we treat them will result in different children: If your education habit is to criticize and correct mistakes repeatedly, you will eventually get a child with low self-esteem, lack of confidence, and self-doubt. , broken cans, broken things, children with more and more problems. If your education habit is to recognize, encourage and support more than criticize and correct mistakes, then you are constantly strengthening the good sides of your children and letting the advantages drive changes in the shortcomings, then you will gain an excellent child. child. The core here is a question of proportion. British educator Whitehead\’s Purpose of Education PDF If you criticize too often and fail to criticize correctly, the child will not be good. Some parents will ask, does this mean that they cannot criticize their children at all, and can only be cautious and \”support\” their children? Of course not, you still have to criticize, but you have to pay attention to the \”proportion issue\” and you have to \”be able to criticize\”. Psychology professor John Gottman proposed a \”Family Losada Ratio\” of 5:1. That is, every criticism we give to our children should be accompanied by 5 sentences of encouragement. Through encouragement, we can use good feelings to cover up the bad feelings caused by the previous criticism. Let the children continue to move forward with full motivation, and good feelings lead to good behaviors. Today I will share with you: when we criticize, how to criticize children correctly so that children can truly recognize their mistakes must remember one sentence: the first priority of our education Step: Don’t let children spend their energy on confronting us. Then how do we criticize children so that they can truly reflect on their mistakes and not resent me, resist me, or confront us? \”Facts plus expectations\” We must know that when you communicate with your children, if your children will confront you and shake their heads at anything you say, your communication is destined to be ineffective and damage the parent-child relationship, so our communication must be Start with a nod. A nod means that what you said is the truth and I can\’t refute it. When we tell the truth calmly, the children will not spend their energy on confrontation with me. We must not add subjective consciousness to label, accuse, criticize, and reprimand. For example: the child does homework, how many family members do we have? I hope that my child can come back from school and finish his homework. Then you give him countless instructions and say: Son, remember to finish his homework when you get home. Mom is still at work. Then you come back from get off work. After a long day, you ask him if he has finished his homework. I didn’t write it, why didn’t I write it? Because we play on mobile phones, because we read tablets… Then at this time, we start to label: What\’s the matter with you? Didn\’t you promise your mother? Just finish your homework when you go home. Why do you keep talking and not keeping your words? How old are you? Can you be more conscious? Can you please be considerate of your mother? Mom is so tired from going to work all day, and she has to take care of your homework and a lot of things at home when she comes back. Can you please let her worry less about playing with your mobile phone every day? If your grades are so bad and you don\’t study hard, will you be able to support yourself in the future? Can you do your homework well next time? I don\’t expect you to be in the top of the exam. Can you be more conscious next time? So, when we start labeling, criticizing, complaining, and reasoning with our children again, will our children be willing to listen? unwillingListen. Therefore, correct criticism must be: add expectations when things happen. (There is a premise here: Mom must learn to manage her emotions, state the facts calmly, and learn to teach in a low voice. I have shared about low-key education in the past, you can check it out) Son, my mother is back from work. It is already half past nine. Do you agree? Mom did her homework when she got home, but you didn\’t. (Is it true? Did he promise you? He didn’t write. You just need to express the facts instead of labeling him: words don’t mean what he says.) You promised your mother to finish your homework when she comes back from school. You Not written. Mom just looked at your homework. You said you didn\’t write a word because you were playing on your phone. Mom hopes you can finish your homework right now. (When you say this. Even if the child doesn\’t want to listen, he has no room to refute, because what my mother said is the truth. It is true that I was playing on my mobile phone instead of doing my homework.) You can only explain the facts and let the child When you feel that you are not being criticized, your child will focus on reflecting on your own problems instead of focusing on confrontation with you: Mom told me to go home and do my homework first, and I agreed to it. , but because I was playing with my mobile phone, I didn’t do my homework. (Only in this way will the child reflect on his own mistakes.) And if you directly urge, nag, criticize, complain, and label, you will find that the child will instinctively talk back and resist your tone and attitude. , determines your child’s attitude towards you! Even if you are right and the child does something wrong, he will talk back to you, find reasons for himself, and confront you. What should you pay attention to when criticizing correctly and effectively? Here are 18 points to pay attention to: 1. Listen to the child’s explanation first, listen patiently, and find the root cause. When we criticize children, we often start from the results. In fact, when a child makes a mistake, do not deprive the child of the right to speak and give him a chance to appeal. , and also make your criticism more targeted. When children make mistakes, parents should calm down first and be more patient when educating them. They must first find the root cause and then prescribe the right remedy. Ask the child why he did what he did. Only by understanding the child\’s thoughts can you help the child solve the problem accurately. During this period, you may find that the child\’s behavior is excusable and the negative emotions have been released. 2. When criticizing, discuss the matter as it is, not the person. When a child makes a mistake or fails to do well, we must discuss the matter as it is when educating the child. Do not vent your emotions to the child at will, and do not say bad words or attack the child. The first reaction of parents should not be to scold, but to provide guidance, discuss the matter, solve the problem without attacking the personality, and let the children understand why they cannot do this and what the consequences will be. 3. Don’t dwell on old scores when criticizing. Many parents always like to magnify things when they criticize their children in anger. The most obvious characteristic is to calculate old and new scores together, such as the following words: \”Why are you throwing your toys everywhere again?\” Yes, it’s like this every time. No matter how many times I tell you, I still don’t listen!” “I told you to clean up the dishes after dinner, but I always forget. How will I live in the future if I am so lazy? I also asked you to clean the room before. .” Children themselves are very tired of their parents’ nagging. A small mistake in the first place will be extended to other things. Such criticism will only make the children fight against you and even refuse to admit their mistakes. Revealing old scores aggravates children\’s resistance and resistance. 4. Don’t hit your children when criticizing. If you just beat and scold them without giving them enough space to reflect on their mistakes, such eager criticism will often be counterproductive. In the long run, the child will become rebellious, talk back, lie, run away from home…all bad behaviors will emerge. 5. Learn to \”think from the perspective of your children\”. The reason why parents choose the \”roaring\” education method is that we don\’t understand the children\’s thoughts. Because we and the children stand in different perspectives, we cannot understand the children\’s emotions. s reason. So in our eyes, the child\’s behavior is unreasonable. When we feel like yelling at a child, take a few minutes to calm down and put yourself in the child\’s shoes. I can also empathize with the children, and then look at the problem and solve it objectively! We must also teach our children to think from others’ perspective! 6 Parents should also criticize themselves and put down their status to negotiate with their children. Some parents always like to treat their children with a condescending attitude and criticize all their children\’s faults. They have never thought about whether it is because they do not know how to educate and do not understand education. If you educate your children in the wrong way, it will eventually lead to the emergence of problem children. This will only intensify conflicts. It\’s better to put down your posture and take a step back. Before criticizing their children, parents should first reflect on whether their education methods are wrong, conduct self-criticism, lower themselves, and quickly close the relationship with their children. Parents\’ self-criticism will also cultivate children\’s courage to take responsibility. The effect will be better. 7. Pay attention to the occasion when criticizing children and give them self-esteem. When parents criticize their children, it is best to do it alone and not in public. This includes beating and scolding in front of the child\’s classmates or friends, and in front of many relatives and friends. Give children self-esteem. 8. Don\’t vent your bad emotions to your children. When children are affected by bad emotions, parents\’ evaluation of their children is not objective and fair. Accusations such as \”You are all day long…\” and \”You have always been this way\” are likely to intensify conflicts. Facts should be stated concisely, errors pointed out, and then educated. 9. Choose the right time and do not criticize your child when he gets up, before going to bed, while eating, or when he is sick. This will directly affect his physical and mental health, and will also make the child lack love in his heart. It is best to sit down and communicate with your children calmly. Parents can make requests to their children, and children can also make suggestions to their parents. 10 Parents should have a \”united front\” and consistent education. When parents educate their children, if one is a good person and the other is a bad person, the child is not thinking about recognizing and correcting mistakes, but seeking asylum. 11. Adopt a kind attitude. The tone of the low-pitched education should not be high. Parents should calm down and stabilize their emotions first, and then criticize the child in a calm tone. The child\’s aggression will not be aroused, and the child will listen calmly to what you say. 12. When criticizing, try to be brief, use the most concise language as much as possible, and spend the shortest time to complete it. Do not nag you over and over again.The feeling of being criticized is always uncomfortable. Everyone wants this feeling to end as soon as possible. So be sure not to criticize endlessly for a long time. 13. Don’t blindly accuse the child. Don’t be direct. You can say to the child in a face-to-face manner: Mom understands… Mom knows… what happened to your parents when they were young… What happened to you in the past, and how did you deal with it in the end? ’s… Parents can inspire their children calmly, and the children will naturally understand the parents’ intentions quickly. 14. Teach your children not to criticize blindly when they correct their mistakes. The most important thing is to teach your children what to do when they encounter such situations in the future! Rather than simply venting parents’ dissatisfaction through criticism 15, be sure to show love after criticism. Children often feel depressed after making mistakes and being criticized. Parents should give their children some comfort in time to make them feel that even if you make a mistake, your parents still love you. By increasing physical contact, holding your child\’s shoulders and talking, or holding his hand and telling him the truth, you can help your child listen calmly and relax without fear of being beaten or scolded. In this process, now that you know why you can’t do this, what should you do in the future? I also experienced the deep love of my parents, which made the connection between parents and children closer. 16 After criticism, adding a little encouragement can not only prompt children to correct their mistakes as soon as possible, but also guide children to develop in the direction they are good at. Let the children know that I am not always making mistakes, but I also do well. If my mother sees it, is affirmed, and is encouraged. In the eyes of my mother, I am still good. Then the child will be more motivated and change. Good heart! 17 We must pay attention to the frequency of criticism. We must not criticize frequently all day long, criticizing and blaming every day. Being constantly criticized and criticized in this way will only make children feel more and more inferior and less confident. Pay attention to the frequency, give yourself time to change, and gradually reduce the number of criticisms. If you have to criticize, you must encourage and praise afterward. Strive for the number of times of encouragement and praise > the number of criticisms 18. When correcting children\’s shortcomings, learn to \”see-saw\” with their children. Parents should teach their children not to be impatient and correct their children\’s shortcomings promptly and patiently, because once parents compromise, there will be endless troubles. Children\’s big problems are caused by countless small problems accumulated bit by bit over many years, just like snowballing, and eventually the problems become more and more serious! When a problem occurs, you cannot let your child go. Every time a parent lets it go, it will harm their child. When a problem arises, do not think about solving the problem immediately and crudely. In the process of communicating with the child, both parties express their inner needs and thoughts. The process of sawing is just like sawing wood. Only when the sawing goes back and forth will the wood break. Communicating and negotiating with the children is also such a process. Don’t think that it is wrong for children to bargain. It is right for children to fight for their own rights. We All you need is overall guidance. You must be mentally prepared for this tug-of-war process. Written at the end: How to cultivate children who can understand what a sense of responsibility and mission is 20G [mp4+mp3] Parents should always believe in their children. If you don’t Believe it or not, can you still count on outsiders? Don’t collapse first because of your child’s shortcomings that are difficult to change., you must know that \”excellent children are the result of high-quality education, and problem children are the product of problematic family education.\” There is a sentence in the book \”Positive Discipline\”: \”If you feel that educating your children is painful, you must be using it wrong. Method.\” Parents are indeed frustrated and helpless when their children are against themselves and disobedient, but behind this, there is often something wrong with the parents. Therefore, do not blindly blame or criticize children to solve anxiety, confusion, and helplessness. The best way is for parents to learn first, improve their educational cognition and educational ability, and stop and change their previous wrong educational habits and education. Method, and then by learning the correct education methods and insisting on repeated implementation, the children will definitely change! You must be patient and persevere in the middle! (The power of a drop of water to penetrate a stone) You must also learn to enjoy growing up with your children. Children will definitely have problems of one kind or another during their growth, because the child itself is a \”situation-filled\” existence. We must first accept it, and at the same time, we must always believe that our children will get better. Because you are working hard, you are learning, and behind your child there is a mother like you who loves learning and can guide!