Children, you can cry if you want, but just keep your voice low.

A few days before the Mid-Autumn Festival, I took Xiaonuo to wander around the community. A mother and her son were sitting on a bench by the roadside. From a distance, I heard my mother scolding loudly: \”Don\’t cry! I told you to let me come, but you have to do it yourself.\” Put a straw in, you have so much on your body!\” Looking closer, the little boy is about the same age as Xiao Nuo. He is holding a box of milk with a straw in his hand. There is a lot of milk on his chest and pants. His mother is lowering her head and using a tissue to give milk. He wiped it dry. I saw the corners of his mouth drooping and shaking constantly, and tears welling up in his eyes, looking like they were about to roll down at any moment. Her little face turned red from holding back, and she tried her best not to cry. Perhaps out of nervousness, the child accidentally pinched the milk carton again, and the milk in the carton once again came out of the straw and spilled in more places. My mother couldn\’t help but scolded me: \”What are you doing? Just take a few puffs and it will be fine!\” The wiping action became obviously more serious. The child was scolded and became helpless. He hurriedly took a sip of milk, but choked and started coughing. In order to avoid embarrassment, Xiaonuo and I did not stop and walked over at the original speed. My mother\’s reprimanding voice came from behind me: \”I told you not to cry, cry, cry, cry! You still have the nerve to cry! Why do boys cry so much!\” Xiaonuo and I didn\’t speak and walked in silence for a while. At the end of the road, Xiao Nuo came over and held my hand. We looked at each other and smiled, and then we seemed to come out of the depressing atmosphere. The mother may have wanted to cultivate strong qualities in her son, so she stopped her son from crying. I strongly disagree with this. The child is experiencing at least three sad things: the milk is spilled and the favorite food is missing; it is uncomfortable when the milk is spilled; and it is scolded by the mother. So many unhappy things have happened, and the child is very sad, but he is not allowed to express it through crying. Why is this? It has been 20 days since Xiaonuo\’s kindergarten started, but she still doesn\’t want to go to school. Every morning before she goes out, she cries a few times and drops a few golden beans, and then drops a few more golden beans at the school gate. I went to pick her up after school, and she jumped up and down after me, always telling me proudly: \”I cried again when I went to bed at noon today, but my crying voice was very small and didn\’t disturb others. Moreover, I only cried for such a short time.\” There was an almost non-existent distance between her thumb and index finger. I once asked Xiaonuo why she cried, and she always replied: \”I miss my mother.\” It can be said that Xiaonuo was raised by me almost single-handedly. He had basically never experienced separation before going to daycare. He was with his mother 24 hours a day, so the separation anxiety when entering the kindergarten will be much more serious than that of a child raised by several people. The adaptation process will also be much longer, and I am mentally prepared for this. We once had this conversation: Xiaonuo: \”Can I cry when I miss my mother?\” Me: \”If I miss my mother just a little bit, I can hold it back if I can.\” Xiaonuo: \”What if I miss you so much and can\’t help it?\” Me: \”Then you can cry, just keep your voice down and don\’t disturb others.\” What\’s wrong with crying silently and not disturbing anyone? From then on, Xiaonuo never evaded the fact that she had cried. Sometimes she felt proud that her \”voice was very small and did not disturb others.\” She asked me, \”Do you think I am great?\” Waiting for my praise, it was almost overwhelming I can\’t laugh or cryhave to. A child cries in kindergarten because he experiences negative emotions such as sadness and anxiety. If the parent scolds the child for this, the child will feel ashamed of crying and will feel frustrated because he cannot help crying. He may also become more anxious because he is eager to stop crying. So, it is better to accept her emotions and allow her to cry. (She told me the day before yesterday that the teacher advised her to \”hide her thoughts and tears for her mother in her heart when she misses her mother.\” She felt that the teacher\’s advice was very reasonable, so she hid a lot of tears. I couldn\’t help it. Worship the teacher again.) Crying is a way for children to release their emotions, just like laughing when they are happy, screaming when they are frightened, and crying when they are sad, it is a natural thing. Since we don’t object to children laughing when they are happy, why should we stop children from crying when they are sad? In daily life, children will inevitably bump or fall. Whenever this happens, the child\’s first reaction is to cry. Mothers usually comfort their children like this: \”If the baby doesn\’t cry, mommy will rub it for you.\” If the child still doesn\’t stop crying, the parents will start to advise: Stop crying, and the pain will stop after a while; if the child still keeps crying, the parents will start to threaten: Stop crying, if you continue to cry… we adults When encountering something sad or being physically injured, you can’t help crying. What about children whose minds are not yet fully developed? Imagine if you encounter something very sad and can\’t help crying or even burst into tears, but your relatives are saying to you: \”Stop crying, you are still crying for such a big person!\” or even say: \”Don\’t. You cried, you did something wrong and you still have the nerve to cry?\” What does that feel like? Do you want to kill someone with a knife? These words are completely unacceptable to us, but we can blurt them out to our children! When children hear such dissuasion or rebuke, are they still willing to tell us about their psychological grievances? Bad emotions have been accumulated in the heart for a long time, and they are unwilling to talk about it and cannot be released through crying, which is very detrimental to the child\’s physical and mental health. Many mothers believe that if their children cry, they must be comforted as soon as possible, otherwise it will be a dereliction of duty on the part of the mother. This view is really deceiving. If there is no physical pain or special emotional needs, and the older child can already express himself, he can cry if he wants to. Let him cry for a while. We can retell his emotional experience, for example: \”You are sad, aren\’t you?\” This is empathizing with him, or we can give him a hug and comfort him. But the child\’s unfulfilled needs and unfulfilled wishes still exist and the child is still sad. Then let the child cry for a while and don\’t stop him! We often say that people have seven emotions and six desires. The seven emotions refer to: joy, anger, sadness, joy, love, evil, and desire. There are no good or bad emotions, and they are all worthy of children’s experience. Just imagine, if a child is very happy all day long and has never been sad (of course, such people almost do not exist in reality), then he will not understand what sadness is, and he will not be able to understand the sadness of others. Children must have rich emotional experiences in order to learn empathy, which is a prerequisite for handling interpersonal relationships well. Only when you have experienced various emotions can you understand the feelings of others.You may consider other people\’s feelings and put yourself in others\’ shoes. Cry when you want to, just keep your voice low! Allowing yourself to cry means being kind to yourself, and speaking softly means being considerate of others. That\’s enough!