After giving birth to a baby, do you still remember who you are?

Westerners attach great importance to the relationship between husband and wife. After a woman gets married, she must change her husband\’s surname. Chinese women also change their names once in their lives, but not when they get married, but when they have children. After giving birth to a child, my style changed overnight from an innocent girl to Beibei\’s mother, Jiajia\’s mother, Dabao\’s mother… Once I took Shengbao to bask in the community, and I called a mother\’s name from a distance to say hello. She He was stunned for several seconds before he came back to his senses: Oh, you are calling me. I have gotten used to being called Mom in the past two years, and I am not used to my own name anymore. Not remembering your name is a small matter, but losing yourself is a big deal. It’s scary to think about it. When you give birth to a baby, you almost forget who you are. I have a beautician client who quit her job after her child was born. She has not worked for three years. Now she is bloated and has severe sagging breasts. She dares not leave the house because of her low self-esteem, and her husband is too lazy to talk to her. Applying for a beauty card in the hope of improving yourself is second, but the most important thing is having someone to talk to. I have a determined Dink beside me, who couldn’t understand me when he found out that I became a mother, as if there was a traitor in the revolutionary ranks: You look so cool and have such a personality, why did you become a mother? I said that once you become a mother, why can’t you be a mother with personality? I know what she means. Among those born in the 1980s, there is a group of staunch DINKs. They have experienced loneliness, fear, and material deprivation. They vowed not to let everything happen again. They believe that if they become parents, they must provide the best for their children. However, giving the best to the child means sacrificing oneself, tying one\’s future to the child, and living a life like an ascetic, which they obviously cannot do, so it is better not to have this child, and the world between the two of them will be much happier. They have never been parents, and they don’t know that the world of two people has the happiness of two people. Being a parent also has the joy of being a parent. The joy of witnessing the growth of a little life is not about buying a bag, going to a SPA, or taking a trip around the world. Travel can replace it. If you really love your child and want to give him the best in the world, then the child will not only not become a stumbling block in your life, but will spur you to work harder and be more responsible. If you don’t believe me, go see the Xiaozha couple. But what really puzzles me is that even parents don’t understand. A mother told me that after becoming a mother, she didn’t buy any new clothes or shoes. She even put away the glamorous clothes in the past. “I kept telling myself, ‘You’re going to be a mother now that you’re a mother’… \”, I couldn\’t help but want to ask, \”Then what are you trying to do?\” It seemed that being slovenly, working so hard with the baby, and wishing that the dregs of last night\’s meal were still hanging on the corners of her mouth was what a mother should look like. If you try to be a mother in a crucifixion-like manner, then you are really not as good as a DINK. Maternal love should obviously be warm and beautiful, but in the end it was turned into a self-abuse by mothers who had a strong sense of sacrifice. Behind the words \”××Mom\”, it is you who have tied yourself and your child together. You are not an independent individual. , and neither are your children. The problem does not lie in the title \”XX Mom\”. In some situations, you do have to call yourself \”XX Mom\”. For example, when attending a parent-teacher meeting, no one cares whether you are Tracy or Cuihua, your identity is ×× mom. Zhang Ziyi also bothered to wake up her mother, butDo you think it has an impact on other people\’s careers? Not only did he not do it, but his popularity became even higher after his comeback. He appeared on the covers of big-name magazines and gained a lot of fans from the public. This is called a win-win situation. Many maternal and infant large sizes are also named after XX mother, such as rice cake mother and small bag mom. This is to get closer to more mother readers. My good friend J’s public account “Nuan Nuan Ma Loves Sharing” is also very popular. But in private, she never lets us call her Nuanma. In her circle of friends, not even one-tenth of her posts are about her baby. Most of them are pictures of herself attending various events. Some mothers may not call themselves \”Mother ××\”, but they really position themselves as a mother of children. There is nothing else in life, only children, except for schools, vegetable markets and the small garden gate downstairs. Don\’t take a step out of the second door. It seems that they want to be qualified mothers, but in fact they are trying to be qualified nannies. When you don\’t really pay attention to your child\’s growth, you will try to cover up your strategic laziness with tactical diligence. You will stare at your baby\’s poop and pee 24 hours a day, and your circle of friends will be full of continuous shots of the nine-square grid. But you have to know that the most important role of a mother is not to take care of her child\’s food, clothing, housing and transportation, but to be his first mentor in life, leading him to see, touch and love the world. Every move you make is a reference for his behavior. If you want your children to develop good living habits, you must first go to bed early and get up early. If you want your children to have independent thoughts, you must first have independent thoughts. If you want your children to be happy, you must first live your life. Ask yourself what kind of person you want to be. Is the ideal you filled in your homework book when you were a child just about being XX’s mother? A child can have two completely different voices when talking about his mother: \”I have always wanted to be like my mother\” and \”I am most afraid of becoming like my mother.\” There is a classic dialogue in the American TV series [Will & Grace], Will: Why are you looking more and more like your mother? Grace: You\’re so mean! When you treat your child as the world, it is precisely when he is ashamed to talk about you. I have never objected to women choosing to resign for the sake of their children, not to mention that sometimes when faced with no one to help take care of the children and no financial means to hire a nanny, giving up the workplace and returning to the family is a necessity and helplessness. I also know very well what a busy life a stay-at-home mother is. She has to be busy 24 hours a day, and she doesn’t even get enough sleep. When talking about further study or career, sometimes it’s really like standing up and talking. Back pain is mean. What you need is to find a balance between your marriage, children and yourself. Face your status in this family squarely. You are not a servant who says, \”I have no income and I have to look at my husband\’s face to eat.\” You have to apply for a report and ask for approval to buy groceries. You have made yourself groveling and without dignity. Your child I won\’t respect you either. You are not the master of \”I gave birth to a child and I contributed the most, and the whole family has to support me.\” The mother is more valuable than the child, so you can eat well and be lazy at home, so that your child can learn from it. You are a partner in this family. You and your husband are equal to each other, and you and your children are independent. Even if you are raising children, you can treat it as a career and take your children to study together., write, see the world. You are his guardian and his guide. Adapt to the rhythm of raising children and set aside time for yourself. No one is born to be a mother, they have to slowly sort out the clues from the chicken feathers on the ground. Now I can code while breastfeeding. I have a friend who loves baking. He made a dozen small cakes while watching the baby. I opened a micro store and the business is very popular. Plan your future: whether to return to the workplace in three to five years, or to enter the career of a stay-at-home mother from now on. If it’s the former, you can’t let go of your major and continue to maintain your connections. If it\’s the latter, think about what else you can do besides raising children. Can you open up a second career? My friend Dai Xiaohe learned comics from scratch and is now the founder of a large original comic book for mothers and babies [Dai Xiaohe]. Some friends open online stores at home and their annual income has reached tens of millions. Even if you don\’t have such energy and ability, it is still good to read, exercise, or even do beauty treatments. At least don\’t let your children see a dejected mother all day long. Motherly love is great, but please leave a little space for yourself, okay?