What should I do if my child is called \”ugly\”?

It is said that every mother feels that her child is an angel, and so does the father. This is why people in the circle of friends are so tireless in posting pictures of their babies. They took 9 pictures of their babies from the same angle. Only the mother can tell that the only difference between these pictures is the movement of her little eyes. So, just like this, I held the baby in my hand and admired it over and over every day. Suddenly one day someone commented: \”This baby looks really ugly…\” Do you want to scold her? Don’t question how someone can be so incapable of speaking, have low emotional intelligence, or have problems. This kind of thing has happened to celebrity parents in exaggerated ways many times. For example, when Jia Nailiang and her daughter participated in \”Daddy Is Back\”, Tianxin, who was over 1 year old, was criticized for being too ugly. Li Xiaolu responded generously, saying that all her children are her own, and that she thinks her daughter is very cute. She claimed that \”my daughter\’s skin is indeed not as white as mine\”, but \”she will grow more and more beautiful.\” Cao Ge’s daughter, Sister Baozi, was also criticized by netizens for being “ugly and cute, and can be compared with the daughter of Xiao Shenyang.” Cao Ge was very angry and sad. He posted a photo of his daughter Grace crying on his Weibo, pretending to be his daughter: \”Why do some adults speak so badly? I\’m just a 3-year-old girl.\” Little S\’s reaction was: Straightforward: \”You\’d better take it back. My daughter is not a traditional beauty, with big eyes and a pout… but she looks very international and fashionable.\” There is also Xiao Shenyang\’s reaction: \”Now What\’s wrong with everyone? I saw some people saying those things about my daughter, and I was really… very angry. I even regretted taking her out.\” Regarding this matter, in fact, adults\’ emotional intelligence reactions and psychological shadow areas are How old you are is secondary. The important thing is, if you are a child who is already sensible and can talk, what should you do if you overhear such comments? ? How to explain to him? Say \”My child, you are not ugly, you are just very beautiful\”? Psychologist Ding Li is a hot mom, and her son Fanfan is just over 2 years old. The mother and son have already had quite in-depth communication about beauty and ugliness. Let’s take a look at what suggestions she has on this issue for your reference. (The following is spoken by Ding Li) (Ding Li and her son Fanfan) Tell your children from an early age what beauty looks like. Although I believe that children are born with the ability to appreciate beauty, we must still consciously convey the concept of beauty to them clearly. Tell your children what beauty is. this point is very important. Fanfan was particularly self-centered for a while. Not only could he not share his good things with others, he would also take other people\’s things and play with them. One day I told him a story about sharing, and he seemed thoughtful after listening to it. That night, he wanted to eat an apple. I brought a plate of cut apples up, and just as he was about to eat them, I said, \”Do you want to give them to your grandparents first?\” He thought for a while, then took a few pieces and handed them to his grandparents. At this time, I immediately said to him happily: \”Fanfan has learned to share! It\’s great. Children who love to share are the most beautiful!\” Also, Fanfan sometimes doesn\’t like to wash his face, so I ask him to wash it with me. While we sang the face-washing song, he learned how to wash his face. After washing, he was very happy standing in front of the mirror. I can\’t help but kiss the little faceSaid: \”Fan Fan is so awesome, he can wash his own face! Babies who love to be clean are the most beautiful!\” We Chinese have a habit of always downplaying appearance intentionally or unintentionally when educating children, and we don\’t like to use words like \”beautiful\” Use words to praise people. I think this is not good, and it also affects the aesthetic consciousness of Chinese people to a certain extent. Beauty includes the beauty of appearance and the beauty of behavior. For example, if a child understands sharing, it is a beautiful behavior, and you can tell him out loud. Children do not deliberately distinguish between categories of beauty. As long as you tell them that this behavior is beautiful, there will be a seed in their hearts that knows that this kind of good behavior is also part of beauty. In fact, when we educate children about beauty, we don’t need to sit down and discuss it deliberately. The concept of beauty is established bit by bit in life. Moreover, when we talk about truth, goodness and beauty, truth and goodness should be ranked in front of beauty. Although it is often said that this is a society that values ​​appearance, in real life, when getting along with others, everyone knows that the beauty of behavior and inner beauty are absolutely more indispensable. For example, people often talk about Zuckerberg on the Internet. He is so young, rich, rich and handsome, but why is his wife such a stranger? But you only see the face. Have you seen that Plishkin Chen also graduated from Harvard and is also a smart, talented, dreamy and hard-working person? Therefore, when a child can form an understanding of his own intrinsic value and can judge what is true, good, and beautiful, he will not care so much about external evaluations. Because he knows who he is and how to make himself more beautiful. Because of this, we must help children build a complete system of beauty bit by bit in their daily lives. In this way, when someone irresponsibly calls \”ugly\”, children will have their own conceptual system to defend and think. Let the children dress themselves. Recently, I took Fanfan to buy shoes. He was initially reluctant to go. When I got to the store, I still brought him five or six pairs of shoes. Since he didn\’t want to buy it, I asked him to pick out the one he disliked the most. A little person over 2 years old really started to sit there and compare choices seriously. One pair, two pairs, three pairs… He took a long time to choose, but finally picked them all and expressed his dissatisfaction with them all. I said, okay, we won’t buy it. He nodded happily in agreement. I know that the refusal to buy at this time is no longer the general resistance of \”reluctance to buy shoes\” at the beginning, but after his selection, there is no pair of shoes that meets his aesthetic taste, so he will not give in at all. A little person who is only over 2 years old can be so picky. As a mother, I am also drunk! But I have to admit that this kind of pickiness was cultivated by me. From the time Fanfan was 1 year old, I started letting him choose his own clothes. Of course, I will first delineate some brands that I recognize in terms of design and color. I let him choose how to match it. Some people will say: What would a child choose? Does he have aesthetic ability? have. From birth, children are constantly exposed to beautiful nature and colorful picture books. Slowly, he will have his own favorite colors and images, and his aesthetic ability will gradually begin to form. (Fan Fan rides it himselfMatching clothes) (Fanfan’s favorite boots recently, he wears them wherever he goes.) No matter which clothes he chooses, unless it’s too hot or too cold, I will generally respect his choice. So slowly, he will become more and more confident (jue) in his own preferences and choices, and seriously consider the reasons for his choices. I think this is a good thing. If you have your own standards of beauty and believe in them, at least you won\’t be so casually criticized. In fact, before I was 35 years old, I always believed that a person\’s inner beauty was important; but now I feel that when it comes to beauty, appearance and inner weight are equal. I remember in \”Where Are We Going, Dad\”, the very pretty little princess Xia Tian was asked who she missed the most. Xia Tian said happily: Nuoyi. why? Because he looks good. Moreover, as soon as the children appeared and did nothing, Xuanxuan fell in love with Princess Xia Tian. A beautiful appearance is inherently attractive. This is the instinct of human aesthetics. We cannot deny nor avoid it. So now, I have to clean myself up to my satisfaction every day before I go out. My son will see all this, and he will develop a natural awareness from an early age, that is: it is important to clean yourself up neatly and beautifully. Reading more is the best way for children to improve their aesthetics. Fanfan particularly likes a book called \”Rainbow Colored Flowers\”. The painting style of this book is very bright, even a bit rough, but it tells an extremely gentle and delicate story: Spring is here, and a rainbow-colored flower blooms in the sunshine. Beautiful flowers are willing to share their happiness with everyone they meet. Ants, lizards, mice… small animals passed in front of the flower one after another with their own thoughts. The flowers were generous and enthusiastic, picking off their petals one by one and giving them to them. The rainbow-colored flowers slowly withered and were buried under the white snow. But the seeds of sharing, friendship and hope remain in everyone\’s hearts. Spring is here again, and new flowers are blooming in the sunshine. Fanfan especially loves this rainbow flower. I asked him why, and he said, this flower is very beautiful! \”But the petals are all gone, does it still look good?\” \”It looks good, I like her!\” In fact, the child can\’t explain any major aesthetic principles such as color matching and painting style. He likes this story and this flower. Everything about this flower, from the colorful colors to the kind and soft heart, is the embodiment of beauty as a whole in his little mind. Even if it is incomplete, it is another manifestation of beauty. Isn\’t this the simplest and simplest understanding of \”incomplete beauty\”? I feel more and more that the most important thing to do to improve children’s aesthetic appreciation is to read more. Although it is very lucky that God has given you a pair of beautiful facial features, what is more important than this is that a person must know how to radiate beauty from the inside out and understand how beauty is produced. How does beauty come about? First, let your children learn to appreciate and perceive the beautiful things in this world. There is a cloud in the sky. You can point it out to him: \”This cloud is so beautiful! What does it look like?\” \”Like marshmallows\”, \”like feathers\”, \”like a little white rabbit\”! In this way, a cloud has a taste, a touch, and a life. These connected wonderful experiences are all “beautiful”a part of. Therefore, appreciating and perceiving beauty also requires imagination and expression. These need to be achieved through reading, and one\’s own connotation and temperament can be improved through reading. A few days ago on Halloween, I was playing a makeup app with him at home. In fact, he has never been exposed to images such as ghosts and werewolves, but children naturally know which ones are ugly, scary, and which ones are beautiful. I think this is the result of reading more than 50 picture books. In addition, for children, they often perceive the world through stories. Excellent picture book stories often combine healthy values ​​​​and high-quality artistic standards. Children are actually very smart and do not need us to teach them at all. We just need to read with them and compare beauty and ugliness. They will naturally prefer beautiful things, have emotional reactions to beauty and ugliness, and form their own judgments. Of course you can praise your child for being beautiful! Some time ago, there was an article that was very popular in the circle of friends. It seemed to be called \”Please don\’t praise your child for being beautiful\” or something like that. I disagree. Of course you can praise your child for being beautiful! When we are born, our facial features are actually already established facts to a large extent. Beauty and ugliness are mostly judged by others or ourselves, and are established through the outside world and our own hearts. Therefore, if a child grows up in an environment where he is often praised and appreciated, he must be confident. What does confidence mean? That is, no matter what I am like, good or bad, I will bravely accept it, have my own opinions, and not be afraid that others will not like me. Therefore, when faced with someone saying that their child is \”ugly\”, I would like to say that the ultimate solution is to help the child build up inner self-confidence, bravely accept external evaluations, and not be depressed by a word of criticism. In fact, I understand that most people who think \”don\’t praise your children for being beautiful\” are worried that their children will pay more attention to their appearance than their inner qualities, and they will value their innate talents more than their hard work. In fact, this is just because the parents do not fully understand the concept of beauty, and it has nothing to do with whether they praise their children for being beautiful or not. Beauty is not an empty existence, it should be supported by true and kind actions. Even external beauty is not something that can be achieved without hard work. No matter how beautiful a person\’s facial features are, it certainly won\’t work if he doesn\’t know how to repair them and has no taste. Therefore, beauty must be pursued, and it requires hard work to obtain. I think that after understanding this, everyone will no longer be so sarcastic about \”praising a child\’s beauty\”.