Admit it, you are actually more inseparable from your children

Rooney has been at his aunt\’s house for almost a week. Before going, he kept making trouble: \”I don\’t want to go to my aunt\’s house, I want to be with my mother.\” I asked: \”Why, you don\’t really want to be with your sister (my sister\’s daughter came to Guangdong from her hometown because of the holidays) Want to play?\” He said, \”But you can\’t tell me No Dream tonight, and grandma won\’t say it!\” After saying that, tears began to well up in his eyes. (I have to say \”No dream\” to him every night before going to bed because he is afraid of dreaming. This has become our bedtime ritual.) I comforted him: \”If you miss your mother, just call her.\” .\” He finally reluctantly followed his grandmother to his aunt\’s house. But he never called me, and I didn\’t dare to call him because I was afraid that he would cry again when he heard my voice. (During the summer vacation last year, I cried every time I called him at night.) Today, I finally couldn\’t help but call him. Unexpectedly, he happily told me: \”Mom, it\’s so fun here! There are so many delicious and fun things.\” Then he listed the delicious and fun things in my aunt\’s house one by one. Then I asked him when he would come back, and he said, \”It\’s so fun here, I don\’t even want to go back! I\’m going to take another week off, and I\’ll go back when my sister returns to her hometown.\” Hearing his cheerful voice, I hurriedly He was finally relieved. It seemed that he really had fun this time. It turns out that I had been worried that he would cry on the phone and clamor to go home, but he didn\’t. Thinking of this, I couldn\’t help but feel a little disappointed: It turns out that my child was still happy even after he left me, but it was me who started to miss him just a few days after the child left. In fact, it was me who never left my child. . I remembered the experience of sleeping in a separate room with him some time ago. He has been sleeping in the big bed with us since he was born. Last September, when he turned 5, we decided to sleep in a separate room with him. In the first two or three months, he would wake up two or three times every night, crying and calling \”Mom.\” As soon as I heard his voice, I immediately ran over to stay with him until he fell asleep again before returning to the room. However, after going back and forth like this every night, I finally couldn\’t bear it anymore. My husband also said: \”Sleeping in separate rooms is like weaning off breast milk. It\’s normal to cry. Just be cruel and leave him alone.\” So I had a serious talk with him. Conversation: \”Baby, you call me two or three times every night like this. I can\’t sleep well at all. I\’m really tired! From today on, even if you call me crying at night, I won\’t come to stay with you. You have to be alone.\” Go to sleep!\” That night, he woke up again and called me crying. When I didn\’t go over, he came over and cried beside our bed. The husband scolded him harshly, and he reluctantly returned to his room. It was still the same on the second, third, and fourth nights. Until the fifth night, there was no movement at all, and he slept peacefully until dawn. However, I woke up countless times that night. Every time I woke up, I couldn\’t help but walk to his room to see if he had kicked off the quilt again. I was afraid that he would be cold. That day, I suddenly understood: As long as parents dare to let go of their children, their children will quickly learn to be independent.I still remember: Before he was half a year old, he had to be held in my arms and suck my milk before he could fall asleep. I was worried that he would not be able to wean off the breast, but unexpectedly he only cried for one day and successfully weaned off the breast. When he was one year old, I went to work after my maternity leave. On the first day when I went out, he cried so much that I left without looking back. As a result, he happily waved goodbye to me from the next day. When he was three years old, he went to kindergarten for the first day. I was worried that he would cry if he couldn\’t see me all day. But the teacher told me that after I left, he cried for a while and then played with the children. Be happy. …It is said that all love in the world is for reunion, but the love of parents for their children is for separation. Weaning, going to kindergarten, and sleeping alone are only a small part of the child\’s growth process. In the future, when he goes to college, works, gets married, and has children, the child will only get farther and farther away from us. Every time a child is \”separated\” from his parents, he will experience pain. This is a process of growth for parents and children. Teacher Hu Ping said that children develop their autonomy around one and a half years old. This kind of separation psychology comes from the needs of development and comes from the heart. But the child will feel pain during this process, because attachment is so happy. At this time, if we help the child develop autonomy, we will comply with the child\’s inner development. If we continue to let the child stay in our arms, we will block the child\’s psychological progress. Some parents always complain that their children are clingy, timid, don\’t like to talk, don\’t eat well, and don\’t like to do housework… Think carefully, are these \”problems\” in children because we pay too much attention or protect them? What is the result of not really trusting the child and letting the child try? American psychologist Parker said in the book \”The Road Less Traveled\”: \”True love respects each other\’s independence and dares to take the risk of separation.\” If you truly love your children, let them go boldly. Without their parents, children will eventually become independent. Finally, I send you a poem by Kahlil Gibran to remind yourself: Your children are not actually your children. They are children born of life’s desire for itself. They come to this world through you, but not because of you. They are by your side, but they do not belong to you. What you can give them is your love, not your thoughts. Because they have their own thoughts. What you can shelter is their bodies, but not their souls, because their souls belong to tomorrow, a tomorrow that you cannot reach in your dreams. You can try your best to become like them, but don\’t let them become like you, because life will not retreat or stay in the past. You are the bow, and your children are the arrows that shoot out from you. The archer looks at the target on the road to the future, and he uses all his strength to pull you away so that his arrows can shoot fast and far. Bend it with joy in the archer\’s hand, for he loves the arrow that flies and the bow that is so stable.​