Parental maturity is the best gift for children

During lunch, our son’s questions began to bombard us again: Who is Liu Bang’s opponent? Who is Han Xin\’s opponent? Who is Jiang Ziya’s opponent? Waiting for some questions. My ten-year-old child has suddenly become very interested in history recently. He asks questions every day, and he can ask questions about unrelated people. He often asks questions that make me, a person who is not good at history, confused and annoyed. Incessantly. Today, as usual, his questions made me want to go crazy. I replied to him casually: Who is my mother\’s opponent? Who knew that he replied to me without thinking: It is another woman who wants to take my father away. The air seemed to have solidified, and the whole family that was talking and laughing fell silent. My mind went blank. Could something happen today? Or I follow the clues and find something fishy about my husband. The eyes of my mother and sister kept wandering over my husband and me. My husband stood there angrily, holding bowls and chopsticks, with embarrassment on his face. I reflexively asked him: \”Did your dad say something to you?\” \”Last time you and my dad quarreled, didn\’t you say you wanted to divorce and let him live with another woman? In that case, wouldn\’t your enemy snatch your dad away?\” Gone?\” My son replied to me angrily. \”And that time, you burned all the gifts your father gave you. I think you don\’t love your father.\” The son\’s face turned red from suppressing it, and tears were about to well up in his eyes. quarrel? Have it? when? I tried to get into search mode in my mind. I think that my husband and I are relatively loving. We have hardly had any quarrels after ten years of marriage. Even if we have some minor conflicts that are innocuous, we will resolve them in time that night and get back together. And I never go back to my parents’ home to complain, so we are recognized as good children in the eyes of our parents and a model couple in the eyes of our friends. But the two quarrels mentioned by my son were still found by me according to the map, and these were the only two large-scale wars we had. The first quarrel occurred when my son was five years old. At that time, I was in my menstrual period, my belly was cold and painful, and I was very irritable. My husband was playing computer games, and I asked him to pour me brown sugar water, but he refused. I accused him of being inconsiderate to me, and he also felt that I was making a fuss out of a molehill, so the two of us started to quarrel with each other. My husband slammed the door and walked out, and I burned the silk scarf he had given me a few days ago in anger. My son squatted quietly next to the blazing fire, neither crying nor making a fuss. We reconciled as before the next day, as if nothing had happened, and I didn\’t take it to heart afterward. I thought it was just a small incident, but my five-year-old son saw it all and remembered it in my heart. It became evidence that I didn\’t love his father. Although his father and I couldn\’t argue, this unintentional act really cast a shadow on my son\’s young mind. Another quarrel occurred one afternoon when he was eight years old. I was in a hurry to solve a difficult problem on Baidu. At that time, my phone was out of battery and turned off. So I picked up my husband\’s cell phone on the table, and after a few clicks, I guessed the password correctly. Unexpectedly, as soon as I opened his cell phone, he came out of the bathroom. He suddenly became furious, thinking that I didn\’t trust him and wanted to check his privacy, while I insisted that he had something to do with his sudden outburst. So, we each defended ourselves and didn\’t trust each other. Finally, I said to him, \”If you have anything else with you, just tell me. Let\’s get divorced and I will help you.\”! \”You are simply unreasonable,\” he replied. \”Then he threw up his hands and left. It seemed like a smoky war, but the next morning we went out together. Faced with some small quarrels, our opinions were surprisingly consistent, and we thought it was a couple. What’s more, the teeth and tongue are fighting. If the relationship between husband and wife has always been harmonious and the microwave is not interesting, what a boring daily life it will be. Who knows that our unintentional actions have misled the children and caused them to have bad parents? The illusion of not being in love. This is all because we did not consider the child\’s feelings at the time. We always thought that he was still very young, but we ignored that he was already a little person with his own thoughts. After my son went to school, my husband and I held an emergency meeting , discussed countermeasures, and decided to give our son a perfect answer after school in the afternoon. After layers of analysis and judgment, we came to the following conclusions: 1. I listened to a lecture by an education expert many years ago and understood that family is the carrier of love. The first priority is the relationship between husband and wife. Since the birth of my son, his father and I have always used this as a code of conduct for the family. My son is kind and sensible, and rarely shows the rebelliousness of children of the same age. I thought that the two of us have done a good job. 2. Our son gave us a blow today: It turns out that our son has grown from an ignorant infant to a grown-up child with the ability to think independently, but his father and I are still stuck in the same place. This is reflected in our understanding of him. Staying in early childhood, we think that if he doesn\’t make trouble or express his opinions, it means there is nothing wrong with our behavior, but we just ignore that our behavior itself has caused harm to our son. 3. Our seemingly innocuous quarrel happened in front of our son. First of all, it gives the son the feeling that his parents do not love each other, which inadvertently makes him feel insecure and afraid that his parents will separate. Secondly, the son will unconsciously look for answers in his heart, thinking that he is not good enough, and that is why his parents will quarrel. They will not accept themselves and deny themselves in their hearts, and then gradually move towards extremes and isolation. This discovery made my husband and I take a breath of cold air. No wonder in the past two years, friends have been saying that our son is more introverted than when he was a child. At that time, we did not Care. Now when I look into it carefully, the truth is that we have started hurting him five years ago, but we don’t know it. This makes us who always claim to love our son really embarrassed. After discovering the problem, we immediately made a decision and will never do it wrong in the future. We quarreled in front of our son, and even if we disagreed, we agreed in front of him, and the two of us would resolve the matter in private. After my son got out of school in the afternoon, my husband and I greeted him at the door. Our sincere and warm hug made my son a little embarrassed. We told him He and we were wrong, we should not quarrel, and we love each other very much, and we love him very much. Our son also hugged us tightly, and our hearts are so close at this moment. There are no parents who are always right, only parents who are constantly growing, On the road to becoming parents, we need to continue to learn. Reflect in time, discover problems, and solve problems. It is never too late to correct things and grow with our children.