The psychological analysis behind 12 ways children can control their emotions

We all want our children to be smart and well-behaved, but they often do things that embarrass adults. For example, hitting someone outside, crying, lying, etc. In addition to blaming the child, we should also think about what the child is thinking? In fact, the child may not have strong malice when hitting someone, and shouting to stop crying is not enough. Recommended preschool psychology books, all 8 volumes in ultra-clear PDF · 01 · Hitting and biting There is a certain reason why children always like to hit and bite! Reason 1: Maybe the child has not established a certain sense of security with other children. Because the child has not established a certain sense of security with other children, he will feel threatened when a child comes around, and then take the initiative to attack. Solution: Mothers should help their children build a sense of security and make more good friends. For example, if you make ice cream, boil edamame, peanuts, and fruits, divide them into several portions and take them to the children\’s homes. If you have delicious food, you can also invite them to eat together at home, or take them to other people\’s homes to eat. If we reciprocate politely, others will have delicious food and think of us. In this way, the relationship gets closer and closer, and the child feels better and better. Change: I no longer hit people. Every time I go out, I have to knock on other people’s doors to see the children. He shared something delicious and said: He is my good friend. Reason 2: Hitting means to exclude. Sometimes he wants to do things according to his own ideas, but the children always do things he doesn\’t like, and he wants to exclude this fact. For example: He took a small bowl and used soil to cook. The child put soil into his bowl when he came over, but he didn\’t want to do this because it ruined his original plan and goal. He yelled at the children, but they didn\’t listen. He yelled several times and found that it didn\’t work, so he started beating them. There was nothing wrong with his idea, he just didn\’t want to be disturbed. But his actions were bad. Sometimes he wants to eat popsicles or do other things, but his parents won\’t let him do it. He will also beat him to solve the problem, just to get rid of the fact that his parents won\’t let him do it. So I think more often, when children hit someone, it means exclusion. The same goes for adults. Some people with bad tempers will use force to solve the problem. Solutions strengthen the ability to use language to solve problems. Teach him to use language to express his thoughts to others. For example, if someone puts dirt in his bowl and hits someone, his mother can tell him: \”If you don\’t like others doing this, you can directly teach him to tell others that I don\’t like you putting dirt in the bowl. I am cooking.\” \”. Then you have to tell your children that hitting will not solve the problem and that hitting is a bad behavior. He understood. Of course, it still takes a process to fully express it in words. Mom has to wait patiently for his mind to grow to this level. Reason 3: Family members may have the behavior of spanking (or teasing children with light spankings). Children see similar behavior from adults around them, so they will inflict such treatment on others. Solution: Parents should reflect on whether they have this kind of behavior, and if so, they should correct it immediately. In fact, if a child hits someone, it doesn\’t matter if he doesn\’t know how to hit someone. It doesn\’t matter if others hit his own child. If he hits someone else, parents will always say that their child is wrong. My idea is: after he hits someone, he should respond immediately based on the situation at that time.Analyze the reason and then tell him how to solve it with words. Then tell him that hitting someone is barbaric (the kindergarten always says this, so I also want to be consistent in my home). Finally, you still have to tell him that his mother loves him (so as not to worry about him doing something wrong and not being loved). In this way, he not only knows that it is wrong to hit someone, but also knows how to solve the problem next time. He also knows that his mother loves him no matter what. When a child feels surrounded by love, he will develop in a better direction. No matter what, the mother should adhere to one principle, which is to let the child know that the mother loves him, and that he will always be a good child. He should not treat things differently than others. If his behavior is wrong for a while, he cannot be said to be bad. Then tell him that hitting someone is barbaric (the kindergarten always says this, so I also want to be consistent in my home). Finally, you still have to tell him that his mother loves him (so as not to worry about him doing something wrong and not being loved). In this way, he not only knows that it is wrong to hit someone, but also knows how to solve the problem next time. He also knows that his mother loves him no matter what. · 02 · Interrupting children interrupts other people\’s conversations. This is caused by their age characteristics and generally occurs in the following situations: children are curious about part of the content of the speech and can\’t wait to solve the \”questions\” in their minds. The children have heard of what others have talked about or discussed before or have some vague understanding of, and they \”resonate\” and are excited, and are eager to \”express\” themselves and express their own \”views.\” When a child encounters difficulty while playing alone or trying to do something alone, he is eager to ask for help and may interrupt other people\’s conversations regardless of the occasion. Parents should pay attention to the following three points: ① Adopt appropriate methods and methods to guide according to the circumstances, that is, according to different situations. When a child raises questions about the content of an adult\’s conversation, or asks for help when encountering difficulties, do not reprimand the child in front of others out of temporary irritation, otherwise it will hurt the child\’s \”curiosity\” and \”self-esteem.\” Parents can explain it to their children and answer it after the conversation is over. They can also praise him again: \”You really love to use your brain!\” In this way, the children will understand. But you must fulfill your promise afterwards, and educate your children not to interrupt casually when others are talking, telling them that it is impolite to do so. If the content that adults talk about in small talk \”resonates\” with the child, and the child interrupts other people\’s conversations because he is eager to express his own opinions, parents may wish to give the child a chance to \”express\” and first seek the consent of the other party you are talking to. opinions and then involve the children. However, after the conversation, you should tactfully point out that it was wrong for the child to interrupt casually just now. In this way, the child is more likely to accept your criticism, because the child\’s \”desire for expression\” is satisfied. ② Camera induction means that parents should use all opportunities that can be used to educate their children to inspire and induce them. They should pay special attention to using things that happen around their children to educate their children so that they can be enlightened and improved. For example, if parents take their children to play on the street and see other children interrupting and making noises when their parents are talking to others and being criticized, they can ask their children: \”Did that child just do the right thing? Why?\” Do you like him?\” Let the children get education from it. ③Teaching by words and deeds means that parents should pay attention to their words and deeds, especially \”actions\”. The impact this has on their children is very important. Children are highly imitative and lack certain discernment abilities, so parents should set an example of polite interactions with others. · 03 ·Lying \”Listen to me, we have three TV sets at home.\” \”Oh, that\’s great!\” \”One is my father\’s, one is my brother\’s, and the other is mine.\” \”Then you every night You can watch cartoons.\” \”Of course. Once you finish eating, you can watch them go to bed.\” \”You are so beautiful!\”… When the child was telling these lies, his mother exposed him on the spot. He was scolded by his mother, who scolded him that \”lying is the beginning of becoming a thief!\” Child Psychological Analysis Children simply do not understand the inevitable connection between lying and thieves. For children, there is no connection at all between the two. What does the sentence \”there are three TV sets\” mean? You can\’t just understand it from the superficial meaning. What\’s more important is to correctly understand its true meaning. The child who said this said that he was hoping, \”It would be great if my family could have three TV sets!\” \”If there were three TV sets, my father would not occupy the TV set because he wanted to watch the night baseball game. \”My brother won\’t monopolize the TV because he likes football games; of course I can watch the cartoons I like alone!\” He connected this wish with his fantasy, so he adopted \”three principles\” The language expression form of \”a TV set\”. The psychological structure of young children is often the integration of subjectivity and objectivity. This phenomenon is called \”subjective and objective undifferentiated psychology\” and is a characteristic of young children\’s psychology. There are many types of \”lies\” for children, including imagination lies, wish lies, ignorance lies, game lies, excuse lies, convenience lies, friendship lies, attention-grabbing lies, revenge lies, and deception lies, etc. Most lies in young children come from imagination, wish, play and ignorance, and occasionally they are for the purpose of justification or attention-grabbing. None of them are true lies, let alone a heinous thief\’s behavior. If you don\’t fully understand this, you can\’t talk about the correct approach. We should recognize the children\’s psychology hidden behind the lies and adopt solutions consistent with their psychological state. For example, when you hear your child say, \”I have three TV sets at home,\” you should then say, \”Oh, really! That\’s great!\” to show that you understand the child\’s wishes and mood, and then say, \”That\’s true.\” Yes, it would be great if we could have three TVs!” · 04 ·Jealous children are jealous of children who are better than themselves or superior to themselves in terms of intelligence, reputation, status, achievements and other conditions. A feeling of uneasiness, pain, or resentment. Children\’s jealousy manifests itself in various forms, mainly including the following: Parents are not allowed to get close to or love other children. When other children achieve success, make progress in their studies, or are praised by teachers, they think that they are no worse than them, are unconvinced, and slander, ridicule, and exclude other children. Other children are better dressed than me, or have more toys, or are smallerIf you have many partners, you will be criticized, ridiculed, alienated, and even resented. If other children do not satisfy their own desires, they will develop antagonism or resentment, or use other forms of compensation and substitution. For example, if other children do not lend him watercolor pens, he will show off his toys to other children and will not Overwhelm the other person by lending it to the child to play with. Generally speaking, as long as children\’s jealousy is well educated and guided, stress can be turned into motivation, motivating children to make progress and develop a healthy personality and good moral character. On the contrary, if it is not guided well, it will affect healthy growth. Mother’s tips: 1. Strict requirements for children. Encourage children to be diligent, down-to-earth, proactive, and helpful; children should be punished and educated for impetuous, impetuous, and self-interested behaviors to cultivate their good moral character. ②. Approval and praise of children should be appropriate. It is necessary to seek truth from facts, but also to make children admit that their success is due to the contribution and help of the partners around them, and not to be arrogant and vain; at the same time, children should be aware of their own shortcomings to prevent them from being complacent and overestimating. Himself, despise other children. ③ Stimulate children to turn jealousy into a sense of competition, so that children can adjust their behavior while catching up and surpassing the advanced level, and enhance their ability to adapt to the social environment, thereby turning pressure into motivation and transcending jealousy. ④. Educate children to be honest with others. Children should be educated to be open-minded and not care about things; they should learn to put themselves in their shoes, empathize with others, understand their peers, communicate and communicate with each other, and enhance the atmosphere of unity and progress with their peers. · 05 ·Crying \”Wow… wow…\” \”Okay, okay, stop crying.\” \”Wow… wow…\” \”I told you to stop crying. If you have anything to cry about, tell me!\” Fortunately, you are still a boy.\” \”Wow…wow…\” The mother tried her best to find a way to stop the child from crying, but the child cried more and more vigorously. The mother believes that the first thing to do is to make the child stop crying. All questions should be raised after the child stops crying. But the more this happened, the more aggrieved the child became, and he couldn\’t stop crying. Children\’s psychological analysis The behavior of crying is a result, the result of the surface of certain problems. Since there is crying behavior, there must be some kind of \”emotion\” moving in the heart. Focusing on this aspect is the key to solving the problem. For example, sometimes the feeling of sadness is at work, and sometimes crying is caused by feelings of loneliness or pain or heat. Especially for children who love to cry, crying is basically due to their dependent psychology such as wanting their parents to comfort them and sympathize with them. In addition, children who love crying are timid children who will cry when they are bullied by children, do not play with them, or do not adapt to friendship relationships or collective life. In short, no matter what the situation, don\’t forget that children who cry often cry because they hope their parents will understand their feelings. Therefore, just persuading him to stop crying without solving his inner emotional problems will not stop him from crying. Mother\’s Tips: When a child cries, don\’t just say: \”Stop crying.\” The first thing you should care about is to understand why he is crying, the reason for crying and his mood. Then, express sympathy and understanding for the child\’s sadness or anger, in short, the child\’s feelings at that time,And convey this information to the child, that is, feed back the child\’s feelings. Remember not to criticize based on rationale and ignore the child\’s feelings. You accept the child\’s feelings and the child feels comfortable. As a result, not only does the crying stop, but the crying problem will gradually be overcome. · 06 ·Repetition I discovered that there is a strange characteristic of a five-year-old child around me: when watching cartoons and picture books, he especially likes to repeat. I am less interested in the new and unseen ones. Is this normal? Why does this happen? Child Psychological Analysis It is not an isolated phenomenon that four or five-year-old children like to watch the same cartoons and picture books repeatedly. A considerable number of children show this to varying degrees. One characteristic. There are two main reasons why this happens to children: First, the reason is personality. The attitude towards things can show different characteristics of people’s personalities. Children’s personalities are being formed and developed. This difference in personality is It will also show up to a certain extent. Like to watch the same cartoon and picture book repeatedly is a reflection of the personality of some children who like familiar things and like repetition. The second reason is the level of psychological development. Since the development of children\’s cognitive ability, imagination and memory are still very imperfect, it is impossible for them to accept a large amount of information in a short period of time like adults. If children watch different cartoons and picture books every time, they will have problems remembering and accepting them. Repeating them again and again can avoid this phenomenon, allowing children to test their memory and ability through repetition. Expectation and experience a sense of accomplishment. Generally speaking, as the child\’s psychological level improves, this phenomenon will gradually disappear. Therefore, it is not abnormal for children to like to watch the same cartoons and picture books repeatedly, and generally there is no harm. If this phenomenon is very serious, parents can provide appropriate guidance. · 07 · Acting like a spoiled child. My daughter loves to act like a spoiled child. The old man at home said: Is there any child who doesn’t act like a spoiled child? It’ll be better when she gets older. But my sister warned me from time to time: excessive coquettishness is willful and must be corrected. Who should I listen to? Both views of child psychology are reasonable, and specific situations should be treated differently. As a parent, you must first learn to distinguish which children\’s coquettish behavior is reasonable. For example: children tend to act coquettishly when they are sick or uncomfortable; infants and young children will act coquettishly every day after lunch and when going to bed at night; disrupting the child\’s living habits from the outside world may cause the child to be noisy and coquettish; when the child arrives in a strange environment, he will act coquettishly because he is not familiar with it. Psychological discomfort caused by the environment will also cause coquettishness. In addition, experts believe that children also have cyclic changes in their circadian rhythms, and they are prone to act coquettishly when they are depressed or unhappy. These acts of coquettishness are inevitable and normal. They are a form of emotional communication between parents and children. Parents should understand and comfort them. But for those children who deliberately lose their temper and act coquettishly because they are unhappy or unreasonable, parents cannot let it go, accommodate themselves in every possible way, or be obedient, otherwise they will develop willful, willful children.Domineering character. · 08 · Not gregarious. Some parents are afraid that their children will cause trouble when they go out, so they always keep their children at home. Many reasons cause their children to become \”unsociable\” over time. Child psychological analysis ① The baby is afraid of life and always stays outside the same age group, depressed, lonely and silent. These babies are often unwilling to enter day care or kindergarten, and often get angry with their parents because of this. ②. Children are self-centered and will be unhappy as long as everyone does not do what they want. ③. Due to certain shortcomings of the child, such as being troublesome and scolding, children are not welcome to join the game team. ④. Frail and sick children are also unwilling to participate in group games and activities. For them, they must first strengthen their physical fitness and seek treatment from a doctor to restore their children\’s physical strength. With a strong body, your children will change their past shy and cowardly habits of just staying at home and not daring to play with children. ⑤ It is not surprising that children with mental retardation are always willing to play with children younger than themselves. If adults force him to play with children of the same age, he will inevitably be bullied and ostracized by his friends because his intelligence cannot keep up. This will cause the child to be irritable, rude, and have a sense of inferiority, which will have the opposite effect. ⑥. Children with weird personalities are not willing to play with their friends. They are generally not easy to change in a short period of time. For them, parents must be patient, constantly communicate with their children, strive to understand their children, and consult with psychologists and psychiatrists in order to correct their children\’s eccentric personalities. ⑦. Living in a building, there are no children of the same age in this unit. ⑧. Adults are afraid of making the house dirty and do not allow children to bring their classmates to play at home. ⑨. If you are worried about something happening, just don’t let your children go to anyone else’s house. ⑩. The child is erratic and gets upset after playing with other children for a while. ⑪. I don’t like to talk to my classmates. I always bury myself in reading. ⑫. He is not honest. He either teases this person or pushes him down. As a result, no one wants to play with him. Mom\’s Tips Parents can encourage their children to socialize with children of the same age. Adults should not be around their children, and they should not give too many instructions. Even children\’s quarrels, crying and other matters should be dealt with by themselves, and parents should try not to interfere. Let your children make friends and interact with children of all types, not just children from neighbors and relatives. Try to change the child\’s dependence as much as possible. Let the child dress and eat by himself, bathe by himself in summer, sleep alone, get up by himself, and decide the activities of the day by himself. If the children cannot live without their mothers for a while, they can be placed with relatives to let them adapt to life without their mothers. · 09 · Touching genitals When he was more than 2 years old, Haohao began to play with his genitals from time to time. His grandparents who raised him believed that boys are like this and it will be fine when they grow up. Sometimes grandpa would even make fun of him in public. After he entered kindergarten at the age of more than 3 years old, the teacher gradually discovered his problems, which attracted his parents\’ attention. But it seemed that it was too late. Patient persuasion, criticism and education, and even \”servicing\” with slaps, both soft and hard, were used. , Haohao only turned his original public behavior underground. Play in a deserted place during the day, and before going to bed at nightOr hide in bed and play after waking up in the morning. Child Psychological Analysis The process of children\’s growth is a process of constant exploration of the external world and their own world. Therefore, children\’s exploration of sex is part of their exploration of the unknown world. Theoretically speaking, when he was seven or eight months old, Hao Hao\’s little hands should have occasionally touched his own genitals, but at this time, just like touching his eyes and ears, he was exploring completely unconsciously. Slowly, this kind of exploration began to increase driven by curiosity, but it was still not driven by sexual desire and sexual fantasies; they only produced sensual pleasurable reactions, but did not cause various complex emotional reactions. However, no matter how commendable the spirit of exploration is, we still have the responsibility to guide our children to choose the appropriate method. Especially if the child\’s genital play has affected daily activities, it is no longer a trivial matter, and parents must take appropriate measures to correct it as soon as possible. · 10 · Stubbornness In real life, parents often face this problem: a cute and obedient baby gradually becomes stubborn and less obedient; sometimes you ask him to go east and he will go west, which is intentional. . Based on this, parents have adopted methods such as beating, punishment, coaxing, and material inducement, but the effect is only reflected in one incident, and to a certain extent, side effects have occurred. Child Psychological Analysis We know that consciousness is determined by matter, and human consciousness is the reflection of the human brain on specific material living environments. From an infant to a young child, the brain begins to undergo a large movement process. In other words, the child begins to use the independence and creativity of his own thinking to see the world. This is what people often call childlike innocence and childishness. Adults think that children are stubborn, but in the eyes of children, parents may be stubborn. The key is a matter of understanding, communication, and guidance. Parents and children need to get along with each other on an equal footing, and use a method acceptable to their children to gradually help them understand right from wrong and right from wrong. The best advice for mothers is to control their emotions. Don\’t get angry or punish your children at will, let alone beat or scold your children, because this kind of impatient and authoritarian approach will only make the children more disgusted. The restraint and suppression of adults will make the children feel embarrassed. When threatened, they become more stubborn. Research in social psychology shows that when adults and children communicate in a democratic manner and can give each other opinions, it is of great benefit to the cultivation of children\’s independence. In a restrictive and repressive atmosphere, it is difficult to cultivate creative talents. . · 11 · Losing temper We often see this situation in front of the toy counter in the store: a child asks his parents to buy a certain toy, and the parent refuses, and the child loses his temper, makes a lot of noise, and even lies on the floor and rolls around. Parents who are afraid of losing face rush to satisfy their children\’s wishes to make their children stop noisy and tossing. Child Psychological Analysis The child feels that as long as I lose my temper and make a scene in front of others, my parents will fulfill my wishes. Therefore, whenever the child has a new wish and the parents do not agree, the child loses his temper and the parents finally have to give in. As time goes by, the children become more and more demanding, their tempers become louder and louder, and the people become more willful and rude. On the other hand, when children can walk, their desire to \”do everything by themselves\” begins to emerge. For example, when eating, I want to eat by myself, but because I don’t know how to use a spoon, I scatter more than I eat, and end up eating with my hands. However, in order to cultivate the child\’s spontaneity, do not stop him even then. Children who begin to show spontaneity often want to do something beyond their ability, and if they don\’t do it well, they lose their temper. They either scream, roll on the ground, or throw things. Losing tempers is a phenomenon that occurs when children are around 1 year old. Once they don\’t get what they want, they cry loudly, stamp their feet, and roll around. This kind of \”anger\” is not necessarily directed at others, but sometimes directed at oneself. Wanting others to be \”like that\” and wanting to be \”like this\” – these desires are too strong and cannot be satisfied by reality. At this time, the child\’s childish heart will become panicked and show emotional instability. When they want to sleep, are hungry, or feel tired, the smallest thing may cause a child to lose his temper. Mother\’s Tips: When a child loses his temper, parents should pick him up quietly or watch him calmly and wait for the child to calm down on his own. There is no other way. This tantrum phase is a necessary part of a child\’s development, and moms and dads need to understand this. Don\’t think that your child has \”gone bad\” and blame or reprimand him. · 12 · Stealing Many children have the behavior of stealing things from others. Faced with this kind of behavior in their children, the measures parents often take include beating and scolding, but with little effect. In fact, it is not advisable to overreact to a child\’s stealing behavior and \”tolerate adultery\”. Child Psychological Analysis Since children of different ages have different reasons for stealing things, the teaching methods should also vary from person to person. It is possible that a child in kindergarten takes things because he does not know or realize that these things cost money. He does not understand that it is wrong to just take things without paying or saying hello. They have not yet clearly distinguished the concepts of \”their own\” and \”non-own\”, and the concept of morality has not yet been fully formed, it is just a \”fetish\” in the original sense. So when parents find him stealing things, don\’t blame him too much. Taking it at this time is not considered \”stealing\” in the true sense. But adults should try to make him realize that stealing is wrong through this incident. Tell him: \”If you take something away without consent or payment, it will cause harm to others and make others sad.\” Mom\’s Tips If the child sneaks candy from the supermarket, parents should take the child with him Give the candy back. If he has eaten the candy, be sure to take the child to the supermarket and ask him to apologize to the shopkeeper and pay him back. When you take him to the supermarket again, pay more attention to his behavior and see if he puts his favorite things into his pocket again. When paying, say to him: \”Everything has a price. Mom can only take it away if she gives the money to the aunt who collects the money. Only then can these things belong to us.\” Let your children pay attention to the details of your payment. You can also let your baby pick up a small item and pay for it by himself in front of the checkout counter to deepen the baby\’s impression that you have to pay for things you buy. Children often turn around and throw away things that their parents ask them to do.It\’s gone beyond the clouds. They may make the same mistake next time. Recommended scientific parenting books. I really hope my parents have read this book and download the electronic version. At this time, parents’ yelling and scolding are not solutions to the problem. Parents must reason with the baby repeatedly and let him understand the harm of such things. will gradually improve. If the baby performs well, parents can put a small star in the room for him to express praise and encouragement.