Does Chinese-style family love mean hurting each other?

A few days ago, Yibao\’s mother complained to me: Dingdang\’s mother, my cousin gave birth to a second child, and she asked me to help take care of Dabao these days, but the child is very naughty and makes my teeth itch with anger. But after all, he is not my own child and cannot be beaten or scolded. How should I discipline him? When she said this, the important thing I got was not how to discipline naughty children, but \”It\’s not your own child, you can\’t beat or scold it.\” So, I asked: What if it is your own child? How would you manage it? This precious mother blurted out without even thinking: If it were that naughty kid in my house, I would do it in the morning! Sure enough, the answer was within my expectation. This phenomenon also makes me extremely puzzled. Why are many mothers willing to be tolerant to other children, but become impatient with their own children? It’s not that you can’t do anything to your baby, but is it okay if your baby is beaten and scolded? What is this called? Is hitting and scolding considered loving? A friend of mine said: It wasn’t until I saw my parents’ respect for the elderly cards in hand last month that I realized that they were old, and I realized that the saying “a tree wants to be still but the wind doesn’t stop; a child wants to be raised but cannot be loved” is so far away from me. Getting closer. But what was I doing in those early years? She once had a very unhappy childhood because her mother was a typical tiger mother. When she was a child, she would be beaten if she didn\’t want to go to school, she would be beaten if she failed in the exam, she would be beaten if she went out to play, and she would be beaten if she ate more snacks. The parenting philosophy her mother believes in is: if you don’t fight, you won’t be effective! So, there was a small wooden stick at home, specially used to beat children. Not only this friend, but also her younger brothers and sisters were beaten all the way up. Once she came home dirty because she was bullied by her classmates. However, her mother did not listen to her explanation and accused her of playing outside again, so she skipped her dinner. After this, friends said that she hated her mother. Later, my friend was admitted to a key university with excellent results. She was very happy and could finally leave her mother. Before leaving, she took her luggage and embarked on the road to study. She vowed that she would never return to this home again. That’s exactly what my friends did. She has not been back home for four years of college, nor has she asked her family for money. She earns tuition and living expenses on her own. She stayed in that city directly after graduation. She planned to raise money to buy her own house and build her own home. Of course, the story is not over yet. Later, my friend returned home because after all, his roots are there. Six years later, she returned home. This time, her mother did not beat her, but hugged her and cried. Only then did my friend realize that everything in the past had passed, and this was his mother. People\’s thoughts and feelings will change with time, education and environment. Time will slowly smooth away the scars, so there is a state of \”smiling at each other and forgetting grudges\”. Besides, this is her biological mother. Despite this, it took my friend six years to let it all go. And what about her mother? These years have definitely not been easy either. Parents will constantly complain: That naughty kid in my family really makes me angry! Poor grades, disobedient, what a debt collector! I must have heard such a sound often. In a certain scenic spot in Hangzhou, Zhejiang, there is such a sound.Couplet: \”Good karma and bad karma will never come together, and debts will be collected without debts.\” The first half of the sentence talks about couples, and the second half talks about parents and children. Most of the time, the parent-child relationship is unequal. Either the parents are strong, or the child is a bully. I have children myself, so I deeply understand the feeling of a parent gritting his teeth and not being able to forgive his resentment without a spanking when his children are really disobedient. But every time there is a voice that reminds me that mother and child should be the most intimate relationship in the world, why should they hurt each other? He is angry with me, and I beat him. When will retribution begin… Just like a friend and her mother, a good pair of mother and daughter, why bother if they insist on causing bitterness and hatred? In life, there are not many examples of friends around us, but there are also not many mothers and children who talk about everything and are like good friends. Because in our education, there are more or less elements of mutual harm. When their children grow up, many parents begin to wonder: Why doesn’t my child tell me anything and is unwilling to communicate with me? Generally, it is relatively late to consider this issue at this time, because the problem has already arisen. It\’s just that you have hurt him in the past, or you beat and scolded him, or you didn\’t have time to spend with him. Therefore, when the children grow up, it is the parents who will be hurt. Family love should not hurt each other. The correct way to open up is to understand and respect these words equally. It’s not that children can’t be spanked, but please don’t spank them indiscriminately, don’t spank them when you’re angry, and don’t spank them in crowded places. If the child is spanked just to relieve anger, then the \”hide\” will probably be formed.