My dear, don’t raise your children to be “unable to lose”

1. Be happy whether you win or lose. Recently, several children in Xiaonuo\’s kindergarten class got hand, foot and mouth disease, and the whole class was suspended for half a month. Xiao Nuo was also infected. Although the symptoms were very mild, he still had to be isolated at home. In order to pass this unexpected time, I bought her several educational toys, including puzzles that she loved very much. The puzzle is made of wood with a tray underneath and patterns on the tray. Two years ago, she played with the 16-piece model. This time she wanted to buy one with more pieces, but unfortunately she couldn\’t find it, so she had to choose the 20-piece model. There are a total of 12 puzzles in the set, and Xiaonuo quickly went through them all and started to feel bored again. I had no choice but to play with her, two for me and one for her, and it was a race to see who could finish first. Since it is a competition, there must be winners and losers, so what if you win? What if you lose? The result of our discussion is that the winner can take over the role of the loser and complete the rest of the game, while the loser will be eliminated and sit in a special seat aside to \”think\” and sum up experience. Because my task is heavier than hers, we both win and lose. It is human nature to want to win, especially children, so every time Xiaonuo won, she would happily take over my puzzle. If she lost, she would take the initiative to go aside and sit down, drawing circles by her ears with her index fingers like Brother Ikkyu, and rolling her eyes. She thought this was thinking. Because he enjoyed the dedicated seats and the \”thinking\” process, Xiaonuo also cheered when he lost: Oh yeah! I can \”think\” now! After the \”thinking\” is over, we will share our thoughts, although it is the same sentence every time: I will be more attentive next time. I hope that in this way, the child\’s concept of winning and losing will be diluted, and I hope that she will become a person who can \”afford to lose\”. 2. The little brother who “can’t afford to lose” Once, Xiaonuo and I were playing in the community. We met a little brother who was in middle school and his grandma were walking. Xiaonuo and the little brother were playing together. They were in a circular open space. Competition long jump. Xiaonuo likes sports, especially long jump. Their competitions have winners and losers. Once, Xiao Nuo jumped further. The grandma next to her couldn\’t sit still and started to say to her little brother: \”Why can\’t you jump as far as my little sister? You have to work harder!\” After a while, the two children jumped about the same distance. , both said they could jump further and couldn\’t compete. I just want to see how they are going to solve the problem. Will they use \”rock, paper, scissors\” to decide who wins or loses? Or jump again to decide the winner? Grandma came forward again. She criticized the little brother and said: \”You are a boy. You are older than others. Even if you lose by jumping the same distance, you still have the nerve to fight? Are you embarrassed?\” After being criticized by grandma, the little brother was very angry. Pouting unhappily. Then, the little brother won, and he said proudly: \”Hahaha, I won, why are you so bad!\” Xiao Nuo answered him: \”This time you win, I lose, let\’s do it again.\” When finally Once, when Xiao Nuo jumped further than his little brother, the little brother actually cried and said, \”I don\’t want to play with you anymore.\” He took his grandma\’s hand and left, leaving Xiao Nuo and I looking at each other. Children who were having fun originally were led to focus on winning or losing due to parental intervention and criticism, causing the children to pay too much attention to \”who jumps further\” and ignore luck.The joy of moving and playing with companions is really not worth the gain! 3. What does a child who “can’t afford to lose” look like? When children play games, we often see some children cry sadly when they lose, or lose their temper, destroy toys, or even hit others. Some children must get first place in exams or competitions. If they don\’t get it, they will be very sad and even cry and lose their temper. We often say that these children are very strong and highly motivated. Some parents also use such examples to set examples for their children, hoping that their children can also be motivated in this way. Being strong and competitive is a necessary condition for people to succeed. But many things are often too much. If you focus too much on winning or losing, it may make your children \”cannot afford to lose.\” What happens to children who “cannot afford to lose”? Children who \”cannot afford to lose\” cannot accept failure psychologically. Once they fail, they will either blame others externally: blaming others, such as blaming teammates for not working hard enough, blaming parents for not giving necessary support and help, blaming teachers or coaches for teaching. They even blame the weather… Such people are simply disgusting and will definitely not be very popular. People who \”cannot afford to lose\” may also attribute their mistakes inwardly: blaming themselves for all faults and mistakes, thinking that they did not perform well at the time, or blaming themselves for not being adequately prepared or not learning solidly, or even to the point of criticizing themselves. Denial, thinking that one is not capable enough, has insufficient IQ, is a failure as a person, is useless, etc. In severe cases, there may even be thoughts of suicide. More often than not, children who \”cannot afford to lose\” often try to reduce their participation in competition in order to avoid losing. They do not dare to try things that they are not fully sure of. They have no innovative spirit, follow the old tradition, and lack enterprising spirit. Children who \”cannot afford to lose\” are overly concerned about the results of winning and losing, often worry about gains and losses, and tend to perform abnormally in exams. They are often nervous before competitions and prone to stage fright. Severe people may even \”get sick in time\” under psychological influence to avoid the game as a matter of course, or to provide excuses for future failures. 4. How can we make our children “afford to lose”? If they want their children to \”afford to lose,\” parents themselves must first be people who can afford to lose and face their children\’s winning and losing calmly and rationally. 1. Guide children to enjoy the process and not pay too much attention to the results. How many children learn piano and violin, and they seem to finish it just for the exam. Parents urge their children to practice piano every day, also for the exam, and forget to teach their children to enjoy learning and playing the piano. process. The final result is: the exams are over, and so is the piano playing career. We should encourage children to participate and guide them to learn to enjoy the process of activities. It\’s great to win the game, but it doesn\’t matter if you lose. If someone wins, someone must lose, and there can only be one first place. 2. When playing with children, don’t always let their children win. Many parents, especially grandparents, will accommodate their children in any competition with their children and deliberately behave clumsily to let their children come first. Their intention is to make their children happy and gain confidence from it. But I didn\’t expect that this would make children \”get used\” to success, take success for granted, and even become arrogant and think they can do anything. Once it fails, the child will definitely not be able to accept it psychologically, because it violatesDeveloped his consistent understanding of himself. On the other hand, children who rarely experience failure lack the experience and courage to face failure, do not know how to deal with it, and are not good at summarizing experiences and lessons from failure. The correct approach should be: give in to the child appropriately, and just win or lose in the competition with the child. 3. Praise and praise must be appropriate. Many parents praise their children lavishly when their children win a game: \”The baby is awesome!\” The game shows that he is \”not smart enough\” and \”not a good kid\”. This will inevitably lead to children \”cannot afford to lose\”. When a child wins a game, we should praise his efforts just now, \”I saw you walked so fast\”, \”You were very attentive just now\”, \”Listen carefully to the teacher\’s introduction before the game\”. Such praise points the way forward for children. Regardless of winning or losing, children will work harder than before. 4. Face your children’s failures rationally. We all know the saying “Victory or defeat is a matter of military affairs.” However, not many parents can be calm and objective when facing their children’s failures. Some parents give verbal praise and material rewards when their children win, and scold and criticize their children when they lose, or even punish them in various ways. How dare the child lose like this? In the face of a child\’s failure, what we should do more is to calm down and analyze the reasons with the child, sum up experience, learn lessons, praise the child\’s good performance, discuss the poor performance, and strive to correct it next time. Only when you can afford to lose can you win! On a larger scale, any scientific discovery or research result is achieved on the basis of countless failures; on a smaller scale, failures occur everywhere in study and work, and only those who can afford to lose can be indomitable and move forward courageously. Only those who can afford to lose, have a peaceful mind, are calm and calm, are more likely to succeed, and are closer to happiness! My dear, don’t raise your child to be a loser!