Without conflict, it is difficult for children to grow

On the weekend, I took my children to the amusement castle. There were many children inside, and everyone climbed up and down according to the route, in an orderly manner. But two children got into a fight over a ball. The boy seemed anxious. Fortunately, the girl said she wanted to ask the administrator to judge, so they didn\’t fight. When they arrived in front of the female administrator, they both said that the ball they saw first should be played first. After listening to what the two said, the administrator said nothing and gave them another ball, and the \”conflict\” subsided. Conflicts between children always happen every day. I still remember one time, my son and his sister were playing pulleys downstairs, and a little guy came to play. The son refused, and the two almost started fighting. After I took him home, I asked him: \”What do you think of that little brother? It\’s fun. Do you want to play with him? Do you like his toys? If so, can you borrow your scooter?\” , that’s mine.” “Then what should I do if he hits you?” “I won’t let him play even if he hits me. He doesn’t dare to hit me.” “Then do you want to hit him?” “No, I didn’t hit him.”… No matter what, it was difficult to convince him to share that thing. I still respect his choice. Also tell him the truth that he should share. It will take time for him to truly understand the meaning of sharing. Many parents rush to intervene as soon as they see a conflict between their children. Or forcefully take things away from you and give them to other children to play with. Or while laughing, he snatches things from other children and gives them to his own child. Such intervention, regardless of its starting point or approach, will only make the situation worse. We need to see clearly the nature of conflicts between children. Conflict is an inevitable process for children to grow up. As long as there is no danger and don\’t interfere, children will often find a solution among themselves. And it is also in this search again and again that I continue to understand myself and accumulate concepts of the world. Everyone comes into this world not knowing what kind of person they will become. \”Who am I? Who am I?\” we ask ourselves. \”No, no, don\’t!\” the three-year-old often says angrily. \”I don\’t want to be who I am in the eyes of my parents and teachers! I like to be my true self!\” said the adolescent child. \”I never know who I am! What can I do?\” Everyone will ask, starting a lifelong pursuit of self and true self. And childhood experiences seem to have laid the foundation long ago. When children quarrel with others, they often say \”no\” loudly to the outside world. This can be said to be the beginning of \”self-assertion\”. For example, the first time they \”fight\” for a toy, the first time they fight or are beaten, it is all for \”Self-assertion\” is also for \”self-protection\”. It is in such conflicts that children begin to learn the rules and skills of \”interpersonal relationships.\” Don\’t artificially create a protective circle for your children, because in a complex society, can you control it? The cruel laws of society are far more cruel than we expected. In the protective circle you have built, the child is the king. If the child stretches out his hand, you will give him food. If you see a little conflict between the child and other children, you will immediately go to help the child. This actually destroyed the learning opportunities of the two children.Parents should be happy for their children to develop the ability to assert themselves and protect themselves! Because this way we can see some of the children’s problems. If your child is aggressive, you should reflect on whether you have set a bad example, or whether your child has been affected by something. If your child is a weakling and refuses to fight back even when bullied, you should reflect on whether you are usually too strict with him, causing your child to lose his self-confidence and be willing to be a person who is beaten without saying a word. The types of conflicts in children that are exposed to us give us the opportunity to get to know them better and help eliminate the troubles in their growth. What is even more valuable is that it allows us to see our own mistakes and achievements in raising children. Conflict is like a touchstone, exposing the child\’s existing problems. Just like we will see many adults reveal their normally hidden nature when encountering conflicts. If parents can understand the meaning behind their children\’s conflicts and can always pay attention to guide their children\’s growth direction, their children will have the opportunity to develop confidently and balancedly; otherwise, suppressing and intervening in their children\’s conflicts may hinder their children\’s ability to develop between \”self\” and \”self\”. The development of \”interpersonal relationships\”… ultimately affects the formation of children\’s healthy personality. Children\’s problems are often a collection of family education problems. Why children react completely differently in conflicts is often determined by family education. Some children are emotionally disturbed for a long time and often attack other children for no reason. Who can control a child\’s emotions? That is the attitude and mood of parents. An irritable parent will definitely not be able to raise a child with a gentle personality. It is possible to raise an equally irritable child, or the opposite, a child with an extremely weak personality. In a family where scolding and quarrels are constant, how can a child\’s mood be peaceful? Emotions are contagious and spread like waves on water. When we see the people we like smile, we feel happy inside. Seeing the people we care about feel uncomfortable makes us feel uncomfortable inside. Seeing the people we depend on become as angry as demons, and our inner emotions almost collapse. The stimulus-response theory in psychology describes: When a person is invaded or unfairly treated by outsiders in his or her own sphere, some people will retreat passively, but some people will resort to self-protective resistance, and even use force, resulting in the formation of conflicts. . However, due to the function of this self-defense mechanism, it is not a true understanding of the stimulus itself. It often leads to wrong reactions due to personal cognitive errors. Whether this \”cognition\” is correct or not is inseparable from the guidance of parents and family. Of course, it is impossible for a young child to be born with the ability to handle the conflicts he encounters, let alone to effectively control his emotions. In the process of raising children, we all encounter children saying \”no\”. This is the time to examine the wisdom of your parents. The child said he didn\’t want to eat and said he wasn\’t hungry. He said he didn\’t put on any clothes and said he wasn\’t cold. The child said that he would not give this toy to the younger brother because it belonged to him. The child stole something from another child and refused to give it back. The child hits someone and refuses to apologize. Parents should consider the reason and psychological state behind the word \”not\”. On the one hand, it is necessary to appropriately satisfy children\’s \”self-centeredness\”\”Love can be infinite, but the rules must still be clear\”, establish \”rules\” and accompany them to grow up. When the children\’s needs are legitimate, parents cannot force the children according to their own wishes. Because of long-term suppression The result for children is that they have no self. They feel that they are what their parents see as themselves. They are nothing without their parents and cannot find themselves. How can such a child have the confidence to face life? When a child\’s behavior is inappropriate, If you have harmed others, you must stop it in time and let the child reflect. To help the child \”know\” what he has \”done wrong\”, you can ask the child to say \”sorry\” and \”comfort\” the other person until he or she obtains the other person\’s forgiveness. In daily life In , parents’ behavior is more important than preaching. Parents’ attitudes when facing conflicts, such as the attitude between husband and wife, often affect children’s behavior. Children will learn silently and be influenced by their parents subtly. In addition, you can give children To create imaginative \”behavior stories\”, we can use some story picture books or make up a story ourselves to help children understand some truths. Even if the child can\’t do it for a while, of course it is impossible to do it all at once, but we should tell the child that at the same time Give the child time. When a child encounters conflicts while growing up, whether it is with his friends, with his parents, or with himself, it is a growth process of constant conflict, constant awakening, and constant correction. Because, there is no Conflict makes it difficult for children to grow!