Mom, don\’t make me sad by saying these words again

If you really love your children, there are some things you really shouldn’t say! Mom, your unintentional words may be my lifelong pain. You love your child deeply and don’t want to see him get hurt at all. But the violence of language is hidden in your anxiety and anger, shrouding the child\’s mind. You chatter endlessly or carelessly, and your words may sound casual, but they put heavy pressure on your child\’s heart. These words are absorbed by the child and given back to you in some way later on. It doesn’t have to be tomorrow, it doesn’t have to be next year, it doesn’t have to be true words, and it doesn’t have to be simple alienation. It may appear with some kind of personality, psychological or emotional flaw, which in turn eats away at your later years when you need children more and more. Mom won’t want you anymore if you keep making noise! Destroying your sense of security. Your mother\’s love for you is conditional. Only if you obey and satisfy her will your mother love you. If you don\’t obey, your mother will abandon you. Case: When you are out shopping, your child must buy new toys. You say you already have a lot at home and refuse to buy them. The child keeps crying and refuses to leave. You push him away and scare him: If you keep making noise, mom will leave you here and won’t want you anymore! Don\’t go home with me! Analysis: Crying when wishes are not fulfilled is a temporary behavioral problem of the child. It has nothing to do with what kind of person the child is, and it has nothing to do with whether he is your child. Parents pretending to abandon their children will seriously undermine the child\’s sense of security. If you threaten him, it may have a temporary effect, but from now on he may feel that family is not indivisible, and parents cannot be completely trusted. I must constantly please my parents to ensure their love for me. Suggestion: Discuss issues on an equal and rational basis, and do not use the child\’s need for adult care and attachment to adults to intimidate the child into submission. Once a child is blackmailed with his parents\’ love, the child will only resort to various extreme methods to demand love. You can let your child know that you disapprove of his behavior, but don’t use love as a bargaining chip when admonishing. You can say this: 1. Mom loves you very much, but she doesn’t like you crying so much. Can you tell her why you want this toy so much? 2. You also like the toys at home, and you also want the toys at home to have a little friend, right? 3. The toys at home are just fine living together. If you buy a new one now, one of the toys will no longer fit in the home and you will have to move out. Do you want this? 4. If you must buy this toy, the extra toy will have to be moved (given to a friend). Think clearly and make your own decision. Cry, cry, cry, there is nothing to cry about! It hurts your self-esteem. I think your sadness is meaningless. Your feelings are not important to me. Your crying annoys me and I don\’t care what you want. Case: The child’s beloved toy airplane broke and the child burst into tears. After coaxing you for a while, you said impatiently: Cry, cry, cry! What\’s there to cry about? It\’s just a small plane and you still have so many toys. Analysis: Children cry because they want to receive gentle comfort and attention from their parents. If parents not only don’t care, but are sarcastic or indifferent to his emotional needs, it will make the child respond negatively to his emotions., venting even harder. In this case, the child may have many other toys, but at this moment he is sad about the broken car. Thinking back to ourselves, haven’t there been times when we were frustrated for a long time for a beloved thing? If someone tells you, \”Don\’t be so worthless, just buy another one if it breaks.\” Does such comfort make you feel better? Suggestion: Accept your child\’s true feelings and emotions, let him feel your sympathy and concern, guide your child to calm down and express his feelings. Generally speaking, children calm down more easily when their feelings are acknowledged and empathized with. At this time, give them some suggestions, such as trying another toy or simply going out to play, and they may be accepted. You can say this: 1. Your toy plane broke. You cried because you were sad, right? 2. Mom also doesn’t like her things to be broken, and she will feel very sad when they are broken. 3. Let\’s see if this toy can still be repaired. If it can be repaired, that would be the best. If it can\’t be repaired, let\’s put it away and play with a new toy, okay? Don\’t go, you can\’t do it! A blow to your self-confidence. I don\’t believe you can do it. You will fail even if you try. There is no need for you to try and fail, it would be so embarrassing to fail. Case: Your children were playing with other children. Several children climbed up the rockery in the park. Your children also wanted to climb. You said: No, no, no. If you can\’t do it, don\’t go. Analysis: Children are naturally curious and playful, and like to explore the unknown. If you stop them because you are afraid that they will fall and cause problems, on the one hand it will deprive them of the opportunity to try and exercise, and on the other hand it will easily make them feel that even their mother does not believe that I can do it. Then lose confidence and develop the habit and mentality of giving up easily. It is also possible that the child may have a rebellious mentality: The more you don’t let me go, the more I will prove it to you! In this case, it is often easy to cause some accidental injuries. Suggestion: Think clearly before speaking. Is the matter really beyond the safety range or the child\’s ability? Or is it just a psychological disorder that you project onto your children? If other children of the same age can do it and your child does not have any special physical conditions, you should be brave enough to let him try. If you are really worried, you can give suggestions and reminders, but at least let the child decide whether to try anyway. You can say this: 1. The rockery is quite high, do you think you can do it? 2. Be careful yourself. If you have any questions, call me and I\’ll be here to watch you. 3. (The child came down halfway) It’s a bit dangerous. I’m glad you’re careful. Let\’s try again next time. 4. (The child successfully climbed to the top) It’s awesome, I didn’t think you could climb that high! How does it feel to climb up there? Why don\’t you learn from others? Eliminate the sense of value. Other people\’s children are always better than yours. I like them more. They make me feel satisfied, unlike you, who always make me feel annoyed. Case: A colleague brought his children to your house to play. Speaking of children, you kept praising his children for their good grades and sensibleness, and then scolding your own children in front of everyone: Look at you, you know how to play. How can you? Don’t learn from othersFamily, do more things for the family and spend more time on learning… Analysis: Every child is a unique being with his or her own personality and talents. Every child hopes to be recognized by his parents. Especially when children are young, they are building their own sense of self-worth and need respect and recognition from their parents. If a child is simply and crudely compared with another person based on grades and external factors, it is a denial of value for the child and can easily lead to self-doubt, self-defeat, or rebound rebellion. Suggestion: Think back to your own growth, recall the feeling of longing for the approval of your parents, and empathize with the current state of the child. We adults are not willing to be hit or denied by others, let alone a child? If there is something the child does not do well, use appropriate methods to help the child correct and improve the problem. There is no need to compare children with others, let them compare themselves with themselves, and give sincere recognition and encouragement for every little bit of progress they make. You can say this: 1. Everyone is unique and has their own advantages and disadvantages. We learn to appreciate the advantages of others, and we can also look back at the shortcomings of others to see if we have made the same mistakes. 2. Mom, like you, doesn’t like to be compared. Being yourself is great. Being better than yesterday every day is the best achievement. 3. My mother also has many classmates and colleagues. Everyone has their own things that they are good at and like. Everyone is harmonious but different. It will be very happy to get along with each other. We can learn from each other\’s strengths and grow together. It feels great! 4. We don’t have to follow the same path as others. If we learn to think independently and do what we like, we will be able to live our best selves. Every day, parents talk to their children a lot. You may forget some words after you say them, and your children may forget them after hearing them, but if you always mention them inadvertently, they will leave a deep imprint on your children. If you really love your children, please don’t say the above words to your children again.