If you have a daughter, teach her how to choose a mate

In the summer of 2015, I had the little cotton-padded jacket in my life—my daughter. Looking at my newborn daughter’s softness and cuteness, I couldn’t help but think that her future life trajectory might be the same as mine: studying, working, getting married, and having children. Thinking of this, I suddenly felt a heavy responsibility. Today\’s parents no longer just want to have enough food and clothing to raise their children. They also hope that their children can have a good life and marriage. I always hear my girlfriends regretting their marriages, which makes me more determined to raise my daughter. In addition to teaching her various skills, I also need to teach her how to choose a mate. My mother\’s best friend was divorced. She said she was being divorced, but in fact she didn\’t want to get divorced, but the man insisted on breaking up and not wanting custody of the children. The mother\’s best friend begged hard and lost all her dignity. In the end, she had to let go due to the man\’s ruthlessness and despair for the marriage. Let me briefly introduce my mother’s best friend. Let’s call her Lingling for now. When she was young, she was beautiful and came from a well-off family. Her father was a high-ranking official. Although this official lady was usually pampered, she was gentle, considerate, well-educated, and had good conditions, so she had many suitors. But who would have thought that she would fall in love with a young man with low education and average family background. Her parents were opposed to it, but she persisted and just wanted to marry that guy. A father who loves his daughter can only agree to the marriage. Because the young man\’s diploma was not high, his father spent money and trusted connections with him to contact him for jobs, and his mother also gave the young couple a house allocated by their work unit to live in. Lingling\’s parents usually send whatever delicious food and clothing they have to their daughter\’s home. During holidays, they even sponsor travel expenses so that the young couple can go out and relax. A few years later, Lingling had a child, and her mother\’s family basically took care of her. Her mother helped take care of the child day and night, which was very hard. However, her husband\’s family rarely showed up, and the mother who cared about her daughter rarely said anything wrong with her husband\’s family in front of her daughter. , Fortunately, this son-in-law cares about his mother-in-law and father-in-law very much, making them feel like his own son, so they don\’t care much about other things. Over the past few decades, with the strong support and help of Lingling\’s parents, they have lived a peaceful life. In the blink of an eye, Lingling\’s father reached retirement age. Perhaps because the old comrade missed his job, he became seriously ill soon after, and his father\’s money was basically sent to the hospital. My mother planned to sell several properties for my father\’s medical treatment. Because the ground was good and the apartment layout was good, the house sale went smoothly. But at this moment, the husband\’s family started to think about paying for the house. The son-in-law came to the door and asked for a loan, asking for 1 million. He said he wanted to start his own company and decided to start a business overseas to give Lingling a good living condition. Although the mother-in-law loves her daughter, her husband\’s condition is equally important. When the family needs money, the mother-in-law politely refuses. The son-in-law was resentful about this, and he was no longer as considerate and attentive to his father-in-law and mother-in-law as before. When he called him to help with something, he always hesitated. Later, he rarely showed up, and even fewer went to the hospital to help take care of Lingling\’s father. The old couple saw this and knew in their hearts that their son-in-law was a white-eyed wolf. They regretted it, but because they felt sorry for their daughter, they tolerated their resentment. Not long after, Lingling discovered that her husband was cheating on her with a very wealthy female boss. Later, when they were getting divorced, my mother-in-lawHer mother-in-law said something, \”Your family has so much money, but you won\’t lend it to my son for business. You are really stingy.\” This sentence shocked Lingling, but she was about to cry but regretted it too late. Xiaoqi is my friend. She has been married for 3 years and she only understands the man’s attitude towards the financial distribution of the two people’s marriage. Xiaoqi\’s parents objected before the marriage. They believed that the boy\’s family was too poor in rural areas and had many relatives who needed financial support. They were worried that their pampered daughter would not be able to bear the hardship. But the daughter persisted, and her parents tried their best to persuade her to marry the poor man. Even though her mother was hospitalized due to the illness, she never wavered in her determination to marry a poor boy. Even though her mother clearly pointed out that many people would spend the money Xiaoqi earned on her behalf, her answer was, I am willing! But after getting married, when the design fees she had earned through hard work and overtime were given directly to her parents in the countryside to build a house by the boy without any discussion, she was no longer as calm as before. The boy never discussed with Xiao Qi when he helped his relatives. It would have been fine if he only used his own money and treated Xiao Qi as supporting him. However, the boy\’s income was tens of thousands, and the two of them had only tens of thousands of dollars a year. Apart from daily expenses, there is basically nothing left and no savings. The boy thinks that we are still young and can still make money. We are in the city and have many opportunities to make money. The two of them always quarreled over family money matters. Xiaoqi felt that the people she met were unkind and complained every day. But Xiaoqi never thought that the boy also had his own responsibilities and responsibilities. Xiaowen is a classmate of mine in high school, and his husband is a good friend who we have been together since childhood. I won’t go into detail about the deep friendship between Xiaowen and her husband, but Xiaowen’s husband is a captain, and he floats on the sea all year round. Go home once a year. It was very hard for Xiaowen to take care of the housework, raise the children, and take care of the elderly by himself. My husband works on an ocean-going ship. There is often no signal and communication at sea. I miss him mainly by looking at photos. The son is now almost 8 years old and has only a handful of time with his father, let alone high-quality companionship. I remember one time when my child had a high fever in the middle of the night. Xiaowen overcame his inner fear and fear and took a taxi to the hospital with his son in the middle of the night. He went to the emergency room, went to the doctor, paid the bills, and took care of his son\’s IV drip all by himself. Xiaowen, who has always been strong, saw that his son was suffering from When she fell asleep in her arms with a high fever and her whole body was hot, she could no longer hold back the tears of grievance. Sometimes Xiaowen and I joke about whether we should have ignored our parents\’ advice and found a partner who was not at home all year round. Calm down and think carefully about their current marriage situation. Their lives are not as happy as they imagined before marriage, but that was the choice they had insisted on. Why is this happening? Maybe there are deep emotional or psychological reasons, but one thing is obvious, that is, their parents did not tell them that people\’s hearts are sinister and marriage is not easy to manage before they fell in love. These parents dote on their daughters to the point where they love them. They only know how beautiful the flowers are before and under the moon, but they don’t know the many problems that marriages have to face, such as financial problems, three-dimensional issues, problems between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law, family responsibilities, and cultural differences. , differences in living habits and family backgrounds. They only know what is called love, but they don’t know about marriage.responsibility and commitment. They only know Socratic love, but they don’t know the hardships of survival and the difficulty of making ends meet, let alone what kind of partner they should choose to spend their lives with. Therefore, if you have a daughter, you must not only teach her various survival and life skills and principles of life, but also teach her how to choose a mate when she becomes an adult, teach her what she wants in marriage, and teach her how to treat marriage. Because you can only protect her for a while, but not forever. If you don\’t say or do any of this, then when your daughter grows up and chooses the person of her choice, but you step out to stop her, won\’t it be too late? I looked at my daughter in my arms and thought that when she grows up, I must tell her: Although love is precious, marriage is not easy. Although we should not be prejudiced or discriminatory about origin, career, or family background, if before falling in love, we can let our daughters know more about the fireworks of the world, the difficulties of marriage, and the hardships of life and the responsibilities of being a wife. . Perhaps, when she faces the erosion of love caused by real marriage, she will be more relieved and less regretful.