How to teach children quickly? It’s OK to learn to ride a bicycle

Family education is a cell of the social body. After a child is born, the first school is the family, and the first teachers of this school are his parents. ——Tolstoy However, parents go to work without professional training, and they are really reluctant to do so despite their excitement. I have read a large number of parenting books, listened to various parenting lectures, and followed popular education public accounts. Unfortunately, the amount of information is too large and the operability is insufficient. I have always only had abstract knowledge points and fleeting feelings. After systematically studying \”Positive Discipline\” and \”Parent Effectiveness\”, I discovered that family education is actually riding a bicycle! Let’s take a look at this picture: 1. Front Wheel = Actions are greater than words – the power of example, do more and talk less. Many parents are worried, why are their children disobedient? So, are parents consistent in their words and deeds? Are there any people who ask their children to be polite but then use foul language? Are there any people who ask their children to study hard but never read books? Children do what their parents do most of the time. The best education is the self-growth of parents, which is the best motivation for children. Do more and talk less. Specifically speaking, it is a good way to avoid verbosity, accusations and back talk. For example, if a child wakes up and is busy playing and doesn’t wear enough clothes, the parent can look at him with a smile and point to the clothes; for example, when the agreed time for watching TV is up, the parent points to the clock to remind; for example, if the child does not put away his toys, the parent pulls his Put your hands in the middle of the toy and close them together. 2. Back Wheel = Encouragement A child who misbehaves is a child who has lost confidence and lacks encouragement. There are three major types of encouragement: attention-based encouragement, gratitude-based encouragement, and empowerment-based encouragement, which correspond to human psychological needs of wanting to be seen as good, valuable, and trusted. Through encouragement, discover the inner driving force of children. Encouragement can give children courage and confidence. If encouraged well, it is like adding a flywheel to the rear wheel of a bicycle, similar to the effect of a mountain bike, helping children easily cross mountains and ridges. 3. Chain = connection. Connect before correcting. Connection is the premise of everything. Only with a chain can the car run normally. Once the chain \”drops\”, the first thing to do is to connect it. The same is true between parents and children. If there is a lack of emotional connection due to beatings, scolding and preaching, communication and cooperation will no longer be possible, and it is easy for children to deliberately dissent from their parents. Parents can reconnect with each other through apologies, hugs, etc. Rest assured, children are very generous. 4. Braking = Active Pause = Emotion Management Braking correctly is a safety issue. Excessive braking will overturn the car, and locking up a child who is throwing a tantrum and giving him a beating will, in the long run, cultivate a cowardly or violent child, and the sense of security will definitely be insufficient. And the Positive Pause Corner is safe and emotions can flow freely. Children need active time-out, and parents need it even more. The best example is when a child sees an angry adult leave for a while and then come back and become calm again. There will be many negative emotions in children\’s future lives. If the ability to manage emotions is cultivated from an early age, this is a considerable emotional intelligence asset! There is a golden saying in \”Positive Discipline\”: Only when you feel good can you do well! 5. Handlebars = Kind and Firm Attitude When riding a bicycle, novices always seem to be swaying and constantly adjusting left and right directions.Just like a parent swings between a kind and a firm attitude, pampering first and then punishing severely, or being strict and then permissive, imagine the child in this situation, at a loss and without boundaries. What the master does is to hold the handle steady and seem to be motionless. In fact, both hands are working at the same time, and kindness and firmness go hand in hand. Being kind and firm means letting children feel their parents\’ love and peaceful attitude. At the same time, parents also stick to the bottom line. Only in this way can children have a sense of belonging and boundaries. 6. Pedaling is a future-oriented solution. The biggest difference between future-oriented solutions and past-oriented punishment is whether it can teach children useful life and social skills. The pedals are the \”powerful\” part. \”Pedaling hard\” seems to be effective in speeding up immediately, but the rider is tired and the bike is damaged. It is easy to \”fall off the chain\”. Once the connection is lost, it is useless to say anything. Therefore, punishment not only fails to learn skills, but also damages the emotional connection between parents and children. It simply vents the parents\’ emotions. The solution must be mutual respect and cooperation, just like two pedals giving each other strength to achieve a common goal – to make the car move forward. The solution must be future-oriented. No one rides looking at the road behind. They always judge how to exert force based on the terrain in front, right? The knowledge points are popularized, and we know the various parts of the bicycle, and then we may be eager to try and start riding a bicycle, right? So how do you get started? First of all, you must have a good master. This requires experiential learning. You cannot learn to ride a bicycle just by listening. Secondly, it is more enjoyable to have a group of friends to supervise each other and practice together. In the end, cultivation depends on the individual. Thinking back on the process of learning to ride a bicycle, there are three key points: finding the feeling of riding, not being afraid of falling, and looking at the long term. 1. Looking for the feeling of the car. Whether riding a bicycle or driving a car, if you ask \”veteran drivers\” to share their experience, they will always say the same thing: the feeling of the car must be good. Question: What is car feel? Answer: That is a technical and unconscious automatic reaction. If you have knowledge points and don’t ride, you have neither skills nor awareness. I just started learning, I have no skills but I already have some awareness. I finally learned how to find the feeling of driving again, with skills and awareness. Completely proficient, the feeling of driving is here, I have skills but no awareness. In short, use it more. For example, what I use better is encouragement. Encouragement really applies to all aspects of life. Words that originally felt awkward can now be blurted out unconsciously. There are three main sentence patterns, and they are ever-changing. \”Mom sees you…Mom thanks you…Mom believes in you…\” In the past, I would consciously record the changes in my children and I, and write small cases of encouragement to share with everyone. I recently discovered that even if I want to participate in the encouragement check-in program or save the materials for a short book, I can’t think of it. Because this has become a normal thing in life, it is no longer the conscious thought when I first learned, \”This way is effective, that way is invalid…\” So I don\’t remember much about things or how to say them. Just like riding a bike, once you become proficient, you often don’t realize how you are riding. This is the feel of the bike. With the feeling of the car, there will be no major problems no matter how you ride. For example, with the inertia of encouragement, there will be less and less criticism and criticism. 2. Don’t be afraid of falling. Most people who ride a bicycle will definitely fall a few times. After a period of practice and learning lessons, they can eventually learn it. ifEveryone can fall when riding a bicycle, so falling is not something to be afraid of. The key is whether there is any gain from this fall, which requires us to think about the positive side…Mistakes are a good opportunity to learn. The same goes for \”Positive Discipline\” and \”Parental Effectiveness\”. During the practice, you find that your children do not react as you imagined, but instead deliberately test your bottom line; you encounter doubts from people around you who think you are too tolerant or too assertive towards your children. I have reached the limit; I find that I still may not be able to manage my emotions well… so I retreat, and the anxiety and power struggle in the past come back… I follow many public accounts of seniors in positive discipline, and they often learn from their mistakes. Experience: Realizing that I have wrapped my mentality of controlling children in new packaging; being questioned by people around me but still continuing to learn… We just need to keep practicing and applying, insist on learning from mistakes, and move forward with the courage not to be afraid of falling. , education is like riding a bicycle, it will eventually become easy for you. 3. Looking at the long term, when I first learned to ride a bicycle, I was still swaying and falling easily after practicing for a long time. I was a little discouraged when I saw that my friends who were practicing with me were riding well. One day my mother came to see me practice and she said, why are you staring at the front wheel? You have to look further ahead and look at the road not the wheels! It suddenly dawned on me that I learned it so \”easily\”! If you look far away, you won’t be biased. Taking a long-term view may seem easy, but it is not. \”Positive discipline\” is a parenting style that focuses on long-term results. If you take a long-term view, you will not focus on some \”mistakes\” and \”shortcomings\” in front of your children, and you will not be too eager to let your children \”correct\”. Instead, observe the reasons behind the \”mistakes\” and think about whether your actions can cultivate long-term good qualities in your children. My Agu is an introverted and observant child. Because of the birth of the second baby, he also experienced the attention-seeking period that all eldest babies have experienced. In the past, I was very concerned about his \”shortcomings\” and disgusted with his \”bad behavior\”. Now, I understand his \”characteristics\” very well, and I am very aware of his \”wrong purposes\”. If you wait for the flowers to bloom and focus on cultivating long-term good qualities, you will not regard new educational concepts as a tool to \”change\” him. In the past, I was very concerned about the effect of my words of encouragement. Now I know that as long as I continue to encourage him in this way, his physical and mental growth will be better. On the other hand, a child who has been encouraged for a long time will behave less and less inappropriately, creating a virtuous circle. \”Parental Effectiveness\” has a core view, which is to use a long-term perspective to cultivate children, leave children\’s problems to them, and cultivate children\’s ability to solve problems by themselves through active listening instead of doing everything for them. This can cultivate children\’s independence, autonomy, self-confidence, and self-confidence. All the good qualities of self-discipline. People who have no long-term worries must have immediate worries. Taking a long-term view is also the true meaning of life. Family education is riding a bicycle, let’s practice together!