Why should I raise a child who “doesn’t follow the rules”? Education, don’t forget that you are Chinese

Chinese people don’t abide by the rules, that’s because we are of a higher rank. Over the years, our parenting methods have become more and more in line with international standards. While we were shopping for maternal and infant products from the United States and Europe, we also picked up their parenting ideas. Under the influence of Western parenting concepts and methods such as \”Montessori Education Method\”, \”Sears Intimacy Parenting\”, \”American Academy of Pediatrics Parenting Encyclopedia\” and other Western parenting concepts and methods, our parenting concepts are undergoing tremendous changes. For example, we now pay special attention to and emphasize the cultivation of children\’s sense of rules. None of us want our children to be labeled as \”unruly Chinese\”. But many people feel that it is difficult for Chinese parents to raise children who abide by the rules. Why? Take a look at the following two short stories to understand. First story: A few days ago, I went to an open house at my son’s school. In order to increase the fun, the teacher also specially designed some parent-child interactive games. There is a treasure hunt game that is very interesting. Children like it very much and are waiting in line to play. One of the children was unwilling to line up and rushed to the front of the line to play first. His mother immediately took him aside and began to criticize and reason with him. I heard clearly next to me, \”Son, the children are all lining up, and you should too. This is the most basic rule, and everyone must abide by it, so that everyone can have fun.\” Hearing this, I silently Thumbs up for this mom. Second story: In the past two days, the school has arranged physical examinations for students. There are many children participating in physical examinations, and the designated hospitals are relatively small. It was the same mother, she also came early with her children, and she was also in line at the beginning. After waiting for more than ten minutes, I saw her squeezing to the nurse\’s triage table. Negotiating with the nurse seemed to have failed. She then went to the door of the physical examination room and knocked on the door one by one. Finally, there was a doctor who, under her persuasion, gave her child a physical examination in advance. This mother’s story is not very representative. We can’t seem to criticize the mother in the story for not having a sense of rules. If she didn’t, she wouldn’t criticize her child for cutting in line and teach him to abide by the rules; but if she had, why would she break the rules? In fact, the reason is very simple, because she is Chinese. Mr. Zeng Shiqiang, the \”father of Chinese management\”, said that it is difficult to use systems and rules to restrain and manage Chinese people. Chinese people always have to be flexible and always find ways outside the system. An example he once gave sounded familiar. If the bank opens at 10 o\’clock, a Chinese and an American are waiting at the same time. Americans will definitely wait until 10 o\’clock. Chinese people will not be so \”honest\”. He will definitely question: \”Why does the door open at 10 o\’clock? How come I don\’t know?\” After a while, he will start to use his brain and find people to deal with to see what happens. Can get in early. Why can\’t the Chinese be like Americans and stop using their \”crooked brains\” and abide by the rules honestly? Ultimately it comes down to our unique way of thinking. Americans’ way of thinking is a typical dichotomy (which can be traced back to Aristotle’s dichotomy philosophy). They believe that either is right or wrong, and right and wrong should be clear. But our Chinese way of thinking isIt is the rule of thirds. In our thinking, besides right and wrong, there is a third option. It’s not that we don’t know right from wrong, it’s just that it’s hard to know right from wrong with a moderate attitude. Therefore, if you ask Chinese people about their attitude towards something, we will generally neither affirm nor deny it. The most common saying is \”it\’s difficult to say.\” Give me a small chestnut. If you were a guest at a friend\’s house and he asked you if you wanted tea or coffee, how would you answer? Is it \”casual\”? ! But if he is entertaining an American, he will readily choose tea or coffee. Don’t we know the choice of tea or coffee? Of course not, we just hope that through the third answer, the host can provide a better answer. So, in contrast, Americans who are dichotomous are very good or easy to follow rules and obey discipline. Their idea is relatively simple. In the face of rules, compliance is correct, and failure to comply is wrong. It is much more difficult for the Chinese who adhere to the rule of thirds. It’s not that we don’t understand the rules, or that we can’t abide by them, but that we are “flexible” and always want to be above the rules, using our “crooked brains” to think about a third better option besides following or not following the rules. . It seems that the American approach is better, clear, straightforward, simple and conducive to maintaining order. Therefore, many Chinese people who have gone abroad or come into contact with Wai Guo Keren will appreciate their values ​​​​and ways of thinking and turn around to criticize the Chinese people\’s practices. But is the Chinese way of thinking \”the rule of thirds\” really bad? Make your judgment after reading this small example. If the Americans and the Chinese are ordered to move forward at the same time, a deep pit will be placed on the road they must pass through. What will Americans do when they see a big hole? He will definitely stop and ask, \”Should I keep going, or should I stop?\” When he stops and asks, he will definitely be reprimanded for disobeying the order. So what will the Chinese do? We will neither stop nor fall, we will automatically stop walking in place when we reach the big pit. This is also a typical three-part thinking. He was neither obedient (if he obeyed, he would fall), nor disobedient (did not stop), but flexibly created a third, better approach. Just imagine, if our child encountered a similar situation, what choice would we want him to make? It seems that our Chinese approach is more powerful. Therefore, the two ways of thinking are not strictly good or bad, they are just different and suitable for different situations. The \”lack of rule awareness\” that Chinese people are often criticized for is actually not that we have no sense of rules, but that we always want to go beyond the rules and get more and overuse our flexibility. Going back to the original question, can Chinese parents raise rule-abiding children? Mr. Zeng Shiqiang gave a definite answer. He believes that it is easy to change from the Chinese three-part divide to the American dichotomy, as long as it is less flexible and becomes more \”rigid\”. But we need to decide first, do we really want to instill a “pure dichotomy” in our children? I am not questioning the necessity of obeying the rules. It is definitely necessary to obey the basic laws, regulations and social rules.necessary. But as Chinese, we are uniquely blessed. Thousands of years of civilization have accumulated a lot of wisdom and passed it on to us. When we absorb good things from others, we cannot belittle ourselves or give up on ourselves. In particular, children should be taught how to learn from each other\’s strengths and absorb weaknesses. I especially hope to help my children develop such high-level wisdom: the ability to distinguish the rules that must be followed, and then strictly abide by them; and in special and extreme situations, retain and use a little flexibility of the \”rule of thirds\”. So how to cultivate this flexibility in children? There is no need to cultivate it deliberately. Children can learn it naturally under daily exposure. Think about it, when we ask a child whether he likes his father or his mother more, the child will quickly get the answer key of \”Mom and Dad like it equally\”. The Three Robbers, Tommy Winger\’s masterpiece. Continuing his consistent creative principles, there is no absolute good or evil in this world, and everyone has a good and evil side in their heart. In the story, three vicious robbers robbed everywhere and hid the stolen treasures in a cave. But one day, they still robbed the carriage and met the orphan Fanny, and everything changed…