Hitting children is a sign of parents’ incompetence

Little K, who is almost 3 years old, is a lovely boy with wind on his feet and full of energy. Because he is tall and strong, he has a leadership style among his friends, and the children also surround him. But yesterday, he played at my house for less than two hours, but he was beaten twice by his mother. The first time he was beaten was because he jumped off the sofa with his bare hands. Little K\’s mother happened to be sitting on the sofa. When she saw this, she grabbed her son and scolded him for being naughty, while slapping him on the butt. The shooting didn\’t hurt, so Little K ran away with a smile. Seeing everyone looking at her, little K\’s mother turned around and explained: \”This brat in my family is a big boss! I fight with him at home every day. This naughty kid must be beaten if he messes up, otherwise he will get into bad habits! Our ancestors It’s a good saying: If you don’t get beaten for three days, you’ll be beaten!” The second time he was beaten was when little K was pushing a small train around a corner and accidentally bumped heads with another little girl who was pushing a truck behind him. Before the little girl could react, Little K rolled on the spot, howled loudly, and then broke the toy train in his hand! When Little K\’s mother who was chatting with us saw this, she suddenly lost face. She rushed up and slapped his little butt twice hard, and dragged her crying son back home. As the owner, I have been blaming myself for a long time for not being able to resolve this sudden little conflict. In the eyes of others, Little K\’s two \”mistakes\” are not actually errors of principle, and can be solved with appropriate language guidance. But my mother felt that such behavior made her lose face. She must have forgotten that every child will be naughty and have a bad temper, and \”beating\” will only make things worse. How many parents keep saying to their children, \”Baby, I love you\” and \”I do everything for you,\” but they regard \”a filial son comes from under a stick\” and \”nothing can be accomplished without beatings\” as the golden rule of parenting! Most of us born in the 70s and 80s have been physically punished by our parents. We have still not erased the memories of being beaten and scolded by our parents in childhood. Why should we let our sweethearts encounter the horrors we have experienced again? Is there no better way to discipline than corporal punishment? As a parent, why on earth do you want to spank your children? Some people may say: That’s because we were beaten and scolded by our parents when we were children. We are not living well now, and we don’t feel any psychological trauma! Little do they know that times are changing, the relationship patterns between family members are changing, and the psychological needs of children are also changing. If you still fully adhere to the parenting philosophy of your ancestors, you are going against the law of development of things. For example, in the past, you could take concubines after marrying a wife. Do you have to follow the old rules now? If we always roughly resolve the relationship between parents and children and discipline our children in the same way as our parents did, aren\’t we afraid that the children will continue to \”pass on\” and educate the next generation by \”beating\”? Someone else said: \”I also know that sticks are not good for education, but when I came home after a hard day\’s work, I wanted to have a good rest, but the naughty child just didn\’t give me any peace of mind. I said he didn\’t listen, and a beating immediately made him more honest!\” \”This kind of mentality is roughly called \”hating iron but failing to make steel.\” Because we have paid too much: when the child was young, we were afraid that he would be cold, hungry, and thirsty; when he went to school, weWe wish we could grow a third eye to look at our results; when he is sick, we would rather endure the pain ourselves. Not to mention, getting up early every day and working hard to make money is to give him a more favorable material environment… However, many times the child just fails to live up to expectations. He just wants to be naughty, just wants to get into trouble, just wants to fail in the exam, and more importantly, he still wants to be naughty. disobedient! Therefore, parents inevitably feel that their \”efforts\” have not received corresponding \”rewards\”. Especially when a child shows more or less rebelliousness, we will feel that the parent\’s authority is being challenged by this naughty child, which will lead to a deep sense of frustration, and then we will get angry. As a result, parents who are frightened and angry will not hesitate to use violence to relieve their frustration and save some adult \”face\”, trying to declare to their children: I am your father (mother), and I have the final say in this family. ! I once watched a video of a lecture given by Teacher Lai Peixia. (If you are interested in reading, you can click below ↓) She said that you discipline your child by beating and scolding, and you keep saying that you love him and do your best for him. \”Actually, you don\’t love your child, you just don\’t manage your emotions well.\” I deeply agree. When it comes to educating children, I admire my cousin the most. She never beats or scolds her children, but they are very well-behaved and sensible. A few years ago, I was preparing for a wedding. My cousin took her daughter, Xiao M, to accompany me shopping for clothes. Passing by the cold drink shop, Little M pointed at the extra-large ice cream advertisement and said loudly: \”I want to eat this!\” My cousin picked up Little M and said, \”You want to eat ice cream! You tasted it last time, it\’s sweet. , Is it cool, right? But this is too cold, so it’s best not for children to eat it. Let’s drink some water!\” Unexpectedly, little M, who was only over 2 years old, accepted it, and only listened to her milky voice and said to herself: \”The ice cream is too cold. It hurts my stomach!\” After passing the toy store, little M pointed to the teddy bear in the window and expressed that he wanted it very much. My cousin persuaded little M with a few words, and she followed us to continue shopping. I was surprised to see little M being so well-behaved at such a young age, and finding reasons to comfort himself. Wouldn’t a child roll around on the floor if he doesn’t get what he wants? I told my cousin my doubts, and her words are still fresh in my memory to this day. She said: \”I rarely say \’no\’ to my child, and once I do, I will really reject her. Even if I refuse, I will not belittle her request, and I will calmly explain my reasons for rejecting her. She knows that I have I love her so much, and she knows my bottom line, so she understands that there is no need to act recklessly.\” Now that Xiao M is in elementary school, he is very independent, but he can also listen to the opinions of adults. He performs well in all aspects and is a legendary figure. \”Other people\’s children\”. This is really not typed! There is no relationship in the world that does not require management, including the parent-child relationship. We are always used to being harsher on our own flesh and blood relatives than others, but we ignore that rules and love should be parallel. After becoming a mother, I realized more deeply that communicating with children also requires skills. These communications are based on respect and acceptance of the child. Our respect and acceptance of our children should be reflected in their performance when they perform well.Bad times. The so-called \”communication skills\” are to let the children bear the consequences of their wrong behavior and provide them with some compensatory measures. Is this kind of positive guidance better than corporal punishment?