Lying to shirk responsibility, the child turned out to be self-taught

Has this scene happened in your home? \”My child is 3 years old. When he did something wrong recently, and I asked him who did it, he would say it was done by someone else (grandpa, grandma, dad, mom). He never said he did it himself, and no one did it. Teach him, how can he shirk responsibility like adults?\” Expert interpretation: Children lie because they are worried about punishment and build a \”real safe haven\” for themselves. They are fundamentally different from adults shirking responsibility. 1. Physiological reasons Because the brain is not fully developed, it is sometimes difficult for children to distinguish between reality and fantasy. When they have a premonition that a certain behavior will bring punishment, they will unconsciously get into their own \”fantasy world.\” This is not intentional on their part, that is, when a child lies, he does not think that he is making up a lie and intending to deceive his parents. They believed these lies so deeply that they truly believed that these were true events. However, as they grow older and their brain functions gradually improve, children will realize that sometimes inadvertently telling lies can protect themselves from blame. This is an excellent experience for children. After repeated reinforcements from similar incidents, Children learn this behavior of seeking advantages and avoiding disadvantages. Therefore, we believe that when children begin to lie, it is a sign of growth. If your child is at this stage and you find a similar situation in your child, please don’t panic. This has nothing to do with the child’s moral level. Instead, you should be thankful that your child’s mental health is developing in a good state. 2. Avoid negative emotions. Children around 3 years old begin to have self-awareness. This is the best time for parents to set rules. At this time, children\’s wishes and parents\’ wishes often conflict. At this stage, parents should understand children\’s thoughts and behaviors in a tolerant manner, and be gentle and persistent in requesting good habits. If parents are overly indulgent, punish too harshly, or judge unfairly, children will doubt themselves and feel shy. Lies have played a role in promoting advantages and avoiding disadvantages in the history of human evolution. As a parent, what attitude should we take towards our children\’s shirk of responsibility? 1. Less Anxiety When children lie, to a certain extent, they destroy the parents’ fantasy of having a perfect baby. A child who lies often causes parents anxiety, such as: a child with bad moral character, an unpopular child, etc. At the same time, many parents believe that their children are the continuation of their own lives. If their children are given these negative descriptions, it seems like these parents are also being humiliated. In addition, in the process of educating their children, more parents hope that their children can exist in a transparent state. It allows parents to grasp their children\’s inner activities at any time and correct their children\’s wrong thoughts and behaviors immediately. 2. Give children space. Parents should understand that their own expectations cannot be fully integrated with their children. And those children whose every move is under the control of their parents often have low self-esteem, because no one likes to be naked in front of others all the time. Therefore, giving children a certain amount of space can actually help them grow better. 3. Lead by exampleParents\’ behavior is a mirror of their children\’s behavior, and they will learn the most basic principles of life from their parents. If you don’t want your children to “shirk responsibilities like adults”, then in normal times, as a role model for your children, you must always pay attention to your own behavior. 4. Don’t draw conclusions too early. Don’t rush to equate sincerity, integrity and not lying, because these are completely different concepts. This statement is easy to understand. A sincere and honest person does not necessarily lie. Think about it, in the adult world, if someone claims that he never lies, then this statement itself is suspicious. More commonly, adults assign a meaning to their lies, such as \”white lies.\” The same goes for children. Understanding the reasons why the child says this and listening to the child\’s inner voice is more important than simply teaching him to be an honest person.