Your kids shouldn\’t be your boss

(Photo by TF Chang) The boss of contemporary parents is…the child? A well-known American pediatrician and best-selling author reminded, “Parents’ transfer of parenting sovereignty often starts with the choice of food.” In a restaurant, a father patiently said to his picky daughter: “My dear, can you do me a favor? ? Can you please have a bite of the green beans on the plate? Just one bite.\” In the ears of many contemporary parents, this is a very appropriate way to gently ask children to cooperate rather than order them. But in the eyes of Dr. Leonard Sax, a well-known American pediatrician, pediatric psychologist, and best-selling author, this situation is a crisis of the collapse of parental sovereignty. Dr. Sykes recently accepted an exclusive interview with the authoritative Canadian education magazine \”Maclean\’s\” and pointed out: \”Modern children are overweight, take too many medicines, are anxious and irritable, and do not know how to respect others. This is the result of the collapse of parental sovereignty.\” Similar to the scene in the restaurant above Scenarios are everywhere as less confident adults put more and more control over their parenting in the hands of their children. Parents want to influence their children, but also want to please their children and avoid conflicts. In theory, they want to teach their children to be considerate, respectful people. In fact, they lose the authority that parents should have and let their children become bosses. The dining table is where it all starts. Dr. Sykes said: \”Parents\’ transfer of parenting sovereignty often starts with food choices.\” Originally, \”You can\’t have snacks without finishing the broccoli\” became \”Eat three bites of broccoli first, and then you can have snacks, okay?\” Okay?\” The former is a rule and the latter is a bribe. Parents put something on the dinner table that their children are willing to eat. You can choose roast or fried chicken, baked potatoes or French fries. You know your kids love fried food, but you can\’t insist on letting them eat grilled chicken and baked potatoes. As a result, you negotiate with your children: \”How about grilled chicken and French fries?\” Contemporary parents \”ask\” their children instead of \”educate\” them. Dr. Sykes said: \”Parents know that if they order their children, they will be resisted. They are afraid of being resisted.\” In some cases, it is not a bad idea to let the child have the decision-making power, such as what color pants to wear today. Personal preference can be allowed to be decided by the child. But in some cases, parents must adhere to principles. For example, eating nutritious food is the principle, and children cannot be allowed to eat junk food according to their preferences. Taking what happened in the restaurant above as an example, even if the daughter ate the green beans in the end, she would feel that \”she did her father a favor, and his father should repay her.\” Dr. Sykes said: \”Food is just a starting point. Confusion between the roles of parents and children causes many family problems.\” Parents should be the head of the family, the leader, the one who makes decisions, and the boss. Children should be obedient. The biggest problem with modern parents is that they are committed to raising their children in a different way than their own parents, but they have not yet figured out their own way. They like to say, \”I don\’t want to replicate my parents\’ authority,\” but they don\’t have a clear idea of ​​how they\’re going to do that. Dr. Sykes said: \”It is right not to yell or hit. But it is wrong to give up principles.\” Many parents said: \”What\’s the point of giving your children some rights?\”No? Dr. Sykes said: \”Don\’t forget, your child is not mature enough to know how to use power.\” And you, the parent, should be responsible for his actions. \”