Why don\’t I want my children to be too filial?

I\’m not willing to take my daughter back to my in-laws\’ house. I really can’t stand their relatives’ theory of “filial piety”! In the eyes of their relatives, the adults chatted while the children sat aside. The younger ones had to stay with them as long as the elders chatted. If you can serve tea and pour water, listen to people\’s words, answer questions fluently, understand and meet the needs of your elders as soon as possible, you will be recognized as a \”good and filial child\”. Innocent children should be allowed to play outside or go to the study room to touch books! Why drag them into the adult world\’s gossip and waste time. During the holidays, my baby will inevitably be pointed at by others. She doesn\’t like to listen to adults gossiping, and she doesn\’t like to answer repeated questions from relatives. She just likes to hold the books she is obsessed with and read non-stop; or she will jump outside and squander her excess energy. Naturally, I choose to side with my children. In addition to basic etiquette such as saying hello, I absolutely support my children in doing meaningful things! Although my Niuniu is labeled as not liking to talk to her elders and is considered not filial enough, she has the beauty of quietly reading a book or playing heartily. There is nothing wrong with hoping to sow the seeds of filial piety in the hearts of children. But if the adults talk nonsense for a long time, the children will have to wait on them and waste their time. Such filial piety is somewhat biased. Chinese-style filial piety is often wrapped in a heavy core. There is an extremely filial person living in our community – Aunt Fang. I heard that Aunt Fang, who had not even had time to talk about marriage, quit her job before she was thirty in order to take care of her bedridden old father. In order to take care of the elderly, she only worked part-time jobs to support her family. She devoted all her time and energy to her family. The old father died at the age of ninety, but not long after, the old mother accidentally fell and broke her leg. So, Aunt Fang served her wholeheartedly. After sending her old mother away, Aunt Fang was now in her sixties, suffering from coronary heart disease, depression, and high blood pressure. Moderate filial piety is wisdom, which not only fulfills oneself but also takes care of the family; while excessive filial piety often means epic and tragic self-sacrifice. Aunt Fang\’s vivid story made me feel inexplicably uncomfortable. It is really great and touching to give up work, give up love, and use the best decades of your life to take care of the elderly wholeheartedly. But ask yourself, I don’t want Niuniu to be such a victim when she grows up. If I am old, I should be responsible for my own later life. Before we get old, my husband and I will make a retirement plan and fund reserves. If by then, my daughter’s family is willing to take the time to meet us and chat with us, that would be a pleasure, so why bother squeezing it into their lives! However, in real life, many elderly people still hope that their children will be filial and they will have someone to rely on in their old age. When I returned to my house the year before last, my parents dragged us to the living room to be educated in the culture of filial piety. My parents told us almost in unison: \”The TV series \”The Elderly Has Support\” was so well made and so touching! We all cried many times while watching it. You all should also watch it carefully.\” \”The Elderly Has Support\” \”The plot revolves around the topic of supporting the elderly. During this period, the elderly alsoLiving in a private nursing home, the protagonist finally takes the old man back to reunite with his family. Of course we can understand the deep meaning behind our parents’ enthusiastic recommendation. Although my parents are only in their fifties now, they are also heading towards old age. So, we enthusiastically expressed our stance to our parents, or it could be said to be a guarantee: \”Don\’t worry! Mom and Dad, when you get old, you will move in with us. With both of us taking care of you, how can you be willing to let your two elders live in a nursing home?\” !\” My parents smiled broadly and agreed almost at the same time: \”Yes, my daughter and son-in-law are so filial, so they won\’t send us to a nursing home…\” My parents have very typical and traditional ideas: they think that children It is too heartless and unfilial to let the elderly live in nursing homes when they grow up. They think that only orphaned elderly people with no children will live in places like nursing homes as a last resort; they feel that if they are poured into If a daughter who has spent most of her life being raised is sent to a nursing home, she will be laughed at by her relatives and friends, and her life will be shortened. Deep-rooted ideas and concepts are difficult to change for aging parents; besides, I don’t intend to instill in them the benefits of nursing homes. They have been busy for their children for most of their lives. When they get old, they have no pension and no financial resources. They live in a small town surrounded by people who practice the idea of ​​\”raising children to prevent old age\”. I will naturally fulfill my filial piety and let my two elders There is light on your face, and you will be happy in your old age. However, I no longer expect my next generation to promise to provide me with guaranteed happiness in my later years. Children are the crystallization of love, the witness of love, and the sublimation of love. Watching our children grow up day by day, their strength increases day by day, and their knowledge becomes richer day by day… The tension of life gives us indescribable joy and excitement. However, many of us have inappropriately nagged these words to our children in different situations: \”You must be filial to your parents!\” \”We raised you like shit, but you are so unbehaved.\” , It hurts your parents so much if you don’t study hard!” “My mother suffered so much when she gave birth to you; you always made trouble at night, and your mother didn’t sit well during the confinement period, which caused a lot of diseases. You must be filial in the future. , you have to love your mother!\” \”We are doing this for your own good! You should study this popular major, it will definitely be very popular in the future!\”…Chinese parents love to use the word filial piety to suppress their children and put a heavy burden on their children. Mental shackles. If their children are slightly disobedient, many parents will use filial piety as an excuse to stifle their children\’s ideas and demands, and even go so far as to interfere in or dominate their children\’s career, emotions, marriage and life. Under the control of such authoritative parents, it seems that only by being \”obedient\” and satisfying their parents\’ wishes can they be well-behaved, sensible and filial children. Time is moving at a constant speed without stopping. When we were children, we always lamented that the days were too slow and the time was too long. As we grow older, our subjective feelings change. It feels like time seems to be accelerating, and the days are getting faster and shorter! We value the beauty in life more and more, especially the loving interaction between our children and us, and we are especially concerned about receiving filial feedback from our children. As everyone knows, there is a Dutch saying: \”Parents are only responsible for their children, not\”Right\”. We go through all kinds of hardships to give birth to and raise children, not to carry on the family line or to raise children for old age, but to fulfill our responsibilities as parents and to participate in the growth of a life. We do not ask our children to be filial and obedient, to fight for us, let alone to help us. Elderly care. I don’t want my children to be too filial! It’s enough if they can have more time and energy to manage their lives well!