Why is loving your husband more important than loving your children?

Last weekend, my daughter’s friend Qiqi celebrated her birthday and invited her to be a guest, so I accompanied my daughter to attend. After Qiqi made her birthday wish, she suddenly asked: \”Mom, Dad, who do you love most?\” Her mother replied, \”The one I love most is Qiqi\”, and her father quickly replied, \”Of course it is Qiqi.\” . Qiqi then happily kissed her mother on the left and her father on the right. Seeing this scene, do you think this is a standard happy template for a family of three? But in fact, this answer for adults is inappropriate. A mother\’s best answer would be \”Dad loves her most\” and a father\’s best answer would be \”Mom loves her most\”. Parents can tell their children, \”We also love the baby.\” This is the most correct order of love in family relationships – the relationship between husband and wife is higher than the relationship between parents and children. Psychologically speaking, the core of a family is the relationship between husband and wife, followed by the relationship between parents and children. The relationship between husband and wife should always come first. In family relationships, only when the relationship between husband and wife is higher than the relationship between parents and children can the normality and harmony of the family be maintained, otherwise it may lead to many family conflicts. However, in real life, we often put the cart before the horse. I remember a friend once said this: Her husband came back from a business trip and brought two big bags of things, and she packed them one by one. They were all the children\’s toys, clothes, and various daily necessities. At the end of the tidying up, I finally saw the gift my husband bought for me – a T-shirt of the same style as the child. My friend said that my husband obviously brought this out when he was picking out clothes for the children, and he didn’t put any thought into it at all. It wouldn\’t be wrong to say that I was jealous of my daughter, but I always felt that something was wrong. In fact, my friend\’s husband\’s behavior is that he pays too much attention to the parent-child relationship and ignores the relationship between husband and wife. Maybe we don’t usually have rough lines like this husband, but many times we unconsciously give up the relationship between husband and wife and fulfill the relationship between parents and children. For example, if there is a glass of water in front of you, have you pour it into two empty glasses, one for your partner and one for your child. Would you divide the two glasses of water evenly? Or do you unconsciously pour more for your children and less for your partner? When we are doing our best to be parents, have you inadvertently neglected the once intimate relationship between husband and wife? The following situations may indicate that your relationship between husband and wife and parent-child relationship is out of balance, and you should pay attention to make timely adjustments. The first warning – couples sleep in separate beds. A friend of mine kicked her husband out of the room after giving birth and slept in the same bed with the baby. Now the child is 4 years old, but the husband has never returned to bed. My friend\’s husband also tried to sleep in bed several times, but neither husband nor wife was used to it. My friend thinks the bed is too crowded, my husband thinks the child is too noisy, and the child keeps pushing his father out: \”This is my and mom\’s bed!\” In China, this phenomenon of couples sleeping in separate beds because of their children is very common. A child does need care soon after birth, and it is reasonable to sleep in the same bed with his mother. However, this relationship must be temporary, not long-term. If not adjusted in time, a deep rift may develop in the marriage. Therefore, I suggest that, except for the period when the child is just born,At special times, it is best not for couples to sleep in separate beds. Parents can give their children an independent crib next to the mother\’s bed. This not only makes it easier for the mother to take care of the child, but being close to the mother will also give the child a good sense of security. There should be an independent space between parents. When the children are young, parents may not be able to be completely alone, but at least they should not separate beds. The second warning – the child is not close to his father. The parent-child relationship transcends the relationship between husband and wife and may indirectly lead to the absence of the father. Compared to my mother who is more careful, my father is obviously much more clumsy and often can\’t do anything well. In this case, mothers often choose to go into battle themselves. In this way, not only does his own labor increase invisibly, but he also blocks the opportunity for the children to have contact with their father. There was once a mother who said her daughter was 3 and a half years old and was very clingy to her mother. When you go to kindergarten, your mother must pick you up and drop you off; when you go to play outside, you must be accompanied by your mother; and when you go to kindergarten, your mother must take the things you want. Basically, he refuses his father\’s participation in anything. Once, the mother worked overtime late, so the father had to pick up her daughter. But the little guy started crying from the moment he saw his father until his mother came back. He cried for about 5 hours. The mother said that her father had never beaten or scolded her daughter, but she could not do any work. He spent so little time with his daughter that the child was not close to him. I\’m not sure how this mother usually gets along with her father, but one thing is obvious: the parent-child relationship between mother and child far exceeds the parent-child relationship between father and child. In fact, a normal parent-child relationship is like an isosceles triangle. The love a child receives from both parents should be equal. The father\’s love for his child was not enough, so the child never accepted him. Facing his crying daughter, the father himself became a helpless child, not knowing how to comfort his daughter. Looking at the reasons, I think that on the one hand, it may be due to the father\’s lack of self-awareness, and on the other hand, it is also related to the mother\’s power over the children in her daily life. When the mother does not let the father help take care of the child, she is actually blocking the child\’s connection with the father and constantly marginalizing the father. Such a result will force the relationship between mother and child (daughter) in the family to rise sharply, while the relationship between husband and wife will gradually weaken. In fact, in many cases, it’s not that the father doesn’t want to take care of the child, but that the mother dislikes the father’s various methods and personally “excludes” the father from the family. Although fathers are not perfect in raising their children, and they often make small mistakes, they are an indispensable part of the family relationship. The third warning – the husband obeys the mother-in-law. We often see this situation: the mother-in-law always dislikes the daughter-in-law, and even makes many moves to destroy her son\’s marriage. In fact, this is caused by the imbalance between the parent-child relationship and the husband-wife relationship in the previous generation. For a mother-in-law, the closest person is not the father-in-law, but the son. For the son to establish a new intimate relationship, for the mother-in-law, it is equivalent to giving up the person she most cannot let go of. Therefore, the mother-in-law will unconsciously be \”hostile\” to her daughter-in-law. In real life, many husbands who cannot handle conflicts between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law often have a close relationship with their original families, and such original familiesAmong them, the parent-child relationship is often higher than the husband-wife relationship. The husband of a friend is very popular. He does housework, takes care of the children every day, and is very considerate to his wife. Others praise his friend for picking up a treasure. But only her friends know how much her husband makes her collapse – her husband often sleeps with her mother-in-law at night. The husband’s reasons were: “Mom is not feeling well today”, “Mom is too lonely alone”, “I haven’t slept with my mother for several days”… A man who is almost forty years old still often sleeps with his mother. It’s amazing to think about it. I feel creepy! It is conceivable that the relationship between my friend\’s mother-in-law and daughter-in-law has reached a freezing point several times. It can be seen that my friend\’s husband grew up in a typical family where parent-child relationship comes first, and he is very dependent on his mother. A son cannot live without his mother, and a mother cannot live without her son. Sons will subconsciously obey their mothers and are unwilling to go against their wishes. In such family relationships, it is often the wife who is wronged. The parent-child relationship between mother-in-law and her son is higher than the son\’s husband-wife relationship, and also higher than her own husband-wife relationship. This is actually a deformed family relationship. While this kind of relationship causes family conflicts, it may also cause the relationship between the daughter-in-law and her children to fall into the same trap again. A good couple first makes a good parent. Putting the relationship between husband and wife first in family relationships will greatly reduce conflicts and contradictions in family relationships. A solid relationship between husband and wife is the foundation for the healthy growth of children. If you love your children, then please love your partner with your heart first. Love will not become less with more use, but more and more. Only when husband and wife love each other can children receive more overflowing love.