How much have you misunderstood about \”Invisible Dad\”?

During the six months since Dad C went to study, I often thought about how important these two roles are: \”husband\” in the marriage relationship and \”father\” in the parent-child relationship. There was a popular article some time ago, saying that Chinese women have widowed parenting styles. , widowhood marriage. The following sentence is a bit sharp, but I still want to say: The person who really said this must not be really widowed or widowed, but just to satisfy a kind of pleasure of accusation. I say this because of the life of a \”semi-pseudo single mother\” in the past six months. (Although Dad C goes home almost every half month, which is considered frequent for a training doctor.) During the time when he first left, I was like a free wild horse. It\’s so free. Finally, no one cares about me anymore. No one forces me to mop the floor anymore. No one cares about me taking CC out to eat and drink. But as time goes by, this experience of freedom becomes less and less, and there are more and more chicken feathers on the floor. I obviously feel that there are more and more trivial matters in my life, time is becoming less and less, I can’t find everything, my home is becoming more and more messy, and my patience with CC is getting smaller and smaller. I returned to the free and disorderly life of a bachelor, but found that the more freedom I had, the less secure I became. Only then did I realize that marriage is a double-edged sword. It takes away your freedom, but gives you stability; it allows you to enjoy the benefits of living together, but you must also accept the restrictions from the other party. When you feel that \”he is of no use\”, it is probably because everything he has done has become a matter of course and exists in every corner of your life like air. The air feels thin only when you are really not there. It was only after I couldn\’t find something for the 101st time that I realized that someone had silently put the things I had put away randomly for you back to their original places. It was only after I lost my patience with CC countless times that I realized how important it is for me to regulate my emotions when someone reaches my emotional threshold and someone silently joins in or silently takes the child away. This kind of trivial matter is not important at all, it is just a habit at best. But \”habit\” is not a reason to \”ignore\”. Turn around and look at your invisible husband and invisible father. Maybe he has shared a lot of burdens for you inadvertently with just a few gestures. For example: silently help you wash away the leftover dishes in the sink? Silently collect the clothes on the balcony? Silently sorting out your child’s toys? Silently protecting you in front of your husband\’s family? Although it may not be of much help in raising a baby, but: Have you ever obeyed the orders of your creditor who has been bossing you around? Did you pretend to be deaf to your intermittent convulsive cynicism? Do you fully accept the bad emotions you express unscrupulously? What you don\’t know is that it is these little things that are integrated into your life, whispering, even arguing and shouting, that your stress is released with the help of your invisible husband. It\’s not scary to have chicken feathers all over the place. It\’s just that the whole world is full of chicken feathers and there\’s no one to help you clean it up, which is suffocating. It\’s not terrible to be stressed, but it\’s really terrible to be full of pressure and have no one to talk about it and have nowhere to vent. If you haven\’t found any of the above-mentioned shining points in your home, there is another one that is the simplest and most unworthy of mentioning. Did he go out early and come back late to work for this family? At our age, we are at the age where there are seniors and juniors, the pressure of supporting a family must be greater for men than for women. A few years later, I still remember that one day, a few months after I gave birth to CC, I had an quarrel with Dad C over some trivial matters, probably because he couldn\’t help me take care of the child. I listed his crimes one by one, like I was holding a denouncement meeting, until his eyes dimmed and he told me in detail about the tremendous pressure he had been under at work recently. He hadn\’t mentioned it at all before. I was so moved that I couldn\’t help but express my loyalty: You don\’t have to be so tired. You know I don\’t value material things that much. He immediately interrupted me: career is a man\’s basic dignity, and it is also a basic need to make his wife and children live a better life. Almost at the same time as I blurted it out, I also realized that I had lost my words: We can be secular in our romantic age, but in the days when we still have food, rice, oil, salt and children, I am no longer qualified to say this kind of thing. It was also at that moment that I realized that after giving birth and living in the palace for several months, I only had eyes for the child. The workplace, human relationships, and social relationships all have nothing to do with me. I forget the pressure all this brings to modern people, and I also forget that the man in front of me did not escape from the world with me. He is still fighting in the rain of swords, guns, and swords. The most rare understanding is to understand each other\’s difficulties. The amazing thing is that after that night of long talk, there was a magical change in our eyes about each other. What I see is no longer his laziness and sabotage in raising children; what he sees is no longer my unreasonable making troubles and making a fuss out of a molehill. All our disdain for invisible fathers is actually venting a sense of injustice: I put so much effort into giving birth to and raising children, but you, a father, just want to enjoy the benefits without paying anything? no way! When a woman becomes a mother, she automatically switches to maternal mode. The nature of maternal love is giving, loving and sacrificing. But men who become fathers for the first time will only be excited for a moment. The role of father is just the least significant among many titles. They don\’t know how to love their children. The contrast between parents is too obvious, which leads to a serious psychological imbalance in the mother: That is your own child, why can\’t you show your heart and soul to it? Our biggest expectation is to use the standards of a mother to train a father. In fact, the process of loving children is different between men and women. Women give because of love, and men love because of giving. The more a man gives to his children and family, the more he will love them. As a pure woman, I write this, of course not to excuse men. Women today are all living so powerfully. No one can survive, and no one else can survive. As Commander Ma said, I can spoil you, or I can change you. But no matter who it is, the true meaning of married life is there, impartial. If you want a man to share your burdens for you, you must learn to guide according to the time and place, instead of never being satisfied with accusations. If you have someone to talk to you about when you encounter a dilemma; someone to nag you when your children have problems; someone to listen to you when you have troubles at work; and someone to share the trivial matters of life, then he is by no means an invisible husband. When the child cries, there is a father who comforts him. When he is sick, he is more anxious than you. When the child calls daddy, his voice is sweet and greasy, then he is by no means an invisible father.Every invisible man is an invisible wing, and may indeed have no sense of existence. But this dose of seasoned salt is enough to counteract the dullness of these long years. Life is so long, we need beauty, and we need a pair of eyes to discover beauty.