You don’t have any requirements for yourself, so why should you ask for your children?

Recently, more than one friend left a message in the background, asking me how I have been diligent recently. They were referring to the fact that my official account has been updated frequently recently. Yesterday, I sorted out the articles in the past two months. There are more than twenty articles, about 50,000 words. This is not a large amount, but compared to the two to three articles I used to update every week or not update for a week in a row, it is indeed A lot more diligent. My answer is: \”I\’m going to be a mother of two children soon, so I\’m feeling stressed.\” A while ago, I had a severe pregnancy reaction. I didn\’t want to do anything when I got home every night. After dinner, I lay in bed watching TV series. My daughter asked The playmate also pushed her to her father. In fact, during that period, in addition to physical discomfort, there was also psychological anxiety. I did almost nothing for two months. I was panicking. If I have to raise two children in the future, it will definitely not be as easy as raising one child. Will I become a person who spends all day around my children? In a few years, when my daughter grows up, will she ask me one day, Mom, what do you do? What have you done all these years? What else can I answer other than \”I\’ve been taking care of you two all these years, how can I have time to do anything else?\” Fortunately, after that period of time, my overall condition improved a lot. When I was not too tired, I wrote articles and read books. I accumulated a lot over a period of time. Although I am busier, I am in a much better mood. With this account, at least I can say to them in the future: \”Come and see what your mother has done in these years.\” Thinking about this scene, I immediately feel motivated. . Lao Li was a driver at his previous employer. For a while, he said that he was tired of driving for people every day and was planning to quit his job and rest for a while. Everyone understands Lao Li\’s decision. His family has just been demolished and divided into three houses. Just renting out the houses makes more money than he earns by driving. With the annual dividend income, he is much more comfortable than us working. After all, Lao Li did not resign, but instead went out earlier and came back later. When asked why, Lao Li said it was not for the sake of the children. During the meal, Lao Li told his wife and children about his intention to resign and asked for their opinions. The wife said nothing. His son strongly supported it. He said: \”Dad, I support you. Our family is not short of money anyway. I don\’t have to study hard in the future, and the house will be enough for me to live in for a lifetime.\” Lao Li was very surprised that his son said this. The child continued: \”Look, our family has three houses, two at my grandparents\’ house, and one at my grandma\’s house. These will all be mine in the future.\” Lao Li said, \”Why are you so worthless? What about these?\” You didn\’t earn it.\” The child said: \”Why are you talking about me? My mother stopped working long ago. She plays mahjong and dances all day long. Now you don\’t work anymore. Why do I work so hard? It\’s not like I can\’t support me. .\” Lao Li said that if he resigned, he would no longer have the confidence to make demands for his children. Years ago, every time I saw Sister Ma, she would say that she was very busy, so busy that she didn\’t even have time to go shopping. We are very surprised. Sister Ma’s child is in the fifth grade of elementary school. She has good grades and is well-behaved and sensible. She and her husband have relatively stable jobs. After years of accumulation, they have a car and a house. There is no big pressure. What is she busy with? Sister Ma said that she was busy taking the exam to become a psychological counselor. I said, you don’t need this for your job, so why take the test for it?Sister Ma\’s answer was that she didn\’t want to be seen as a mother who only played with mobile phones in the eyes of her children. Every night, while the child is doing homework, she is bored, checks her phone, does shopping, watches TV series, and occasionally goes to refill the child\’s glass of water. After the child has finished his homework, he checks it over, and the night is over. One day, the child came out to go to the toilet and saw her playing with her mobile phone, so she asked: \”Mom, you ask me to study hard every day and check my homework every day, but you just play with your mobile phone every night?\” Sister Ma quickly said: \”No. Yes, I just looked at it, and I have something to do.\” Later, in order not to be a mother who only knows how to play with mobile phones, she picked up the books she had put down for several years, and tried not to look at her mobile phone when her children were doing homework. Later, I also signed up for a psychological counseling training class. She said, if for no other reason than to at least let the children see that adults are not just doing nothing and dawdling around every day. I believe that many children have heard stories about other people\’s children. When parents are disappointed with their children, they will say: \”Look at that so-and-so.\” But it is estimated that very few children have answered their parents like this: \”Just let me see that So-and-so, why don’t you look at so-and-so’s parents?” If parents hear such words, their faces will probably turn green. Confucius said, \”Don\’t do to others what you don\’t want others to do to you.\” We regard this as truth and always think of this principle in our interpersonal interactions. But when dealing with children, we don’t think of this sentence. In our eyes, children are not equal or independent people. They are more often our accessories and our hope. We place all our unfulfilled wishes on our children. We get too much at work, but we require our children to excel in their studies; we have nothing to do at night, but supervise our children to stay up late and read at night; we give up on ourselves prematurely, but we have great hope for our children. Why on earth does a child have to bear so many expectations just because he is a child? Today\’s children are no longer what we used to be. They listen to what their parents say and remember what the teacher tells them. Their sense of independence and self-awareness are much stronger. Why should they start asking questions from a young age? Why? One day he asked: \”Why do you ask me to do this, but you can\’t do it?\” How should we answer? His parents both had mediocre qualifications, so why did they make him work so hard to get the first place in the exam? His parents are fooling around every day, why doesn\’t he even have half an hour to play? His parents play with their mobile phones every day, why can\’t he even watch cartoons? Yes, why?