Parents’ concepts determine children’s height and happiness

Over the weekend, an old friend’s WeChat group that was constantly filled with messages suddenly lost all messages. I felt puzzled and went in to take a look. It turned out that a friend I hadn’t seen for many years was getting divorced. Everyone said nothing after seeing the news, sympathizing with his misfortune. I can imagine him looking down and anxious. The hardships of life must have worn away his youthful spirit. Remember when we were kids. He is an iconic figure among our group of friends. Because he is very smart, he can learn it easily without much effort. Regardless of whether he took the big or small exams, he always came first. Later, he was admitted to our best high school with the top score in the school. The young man at that time was really enviable. When adults talked about him, they always gave him a thumbs up and said that his future was limitless. However, when he was in high school, something happened at home. My father has been drunk for a long time and has become lazy. And my mother started playing cards and even went to other places to gamble. His parents who had previously supported his studies suddenly changed. It is said that studying is useless, it is better to make money as soon as possible. As a result, he was discouraged and only passed an ordinary undergraduate exam in the college entrance examination. At this time, the parents felt that it was appropriate. He gave many examples to pass on to his son the idea that studying is useless, and persuaded him to drop out of school and go into business to make money. As a result, society has changed dramatically over the years. Every time he chats with us, he complains about society and God\’s injustice. But his educational level is limited, and many good jobs and opportunities are available, even if his friends want to help him, they can\’t. Later, he married early and gave birth to three children. After resigning from the factory at the end of last year, it became difficult to raise children, and his wife angrily divorced. It\’s a pity that three children don\’t have a complete home. He told us: \”Back then, my parents tried their best to tell me that studying was useless, and they also told me a bunch of stories about getting rich without studying. In fact, they just didn\’t want to spend money for me to study. Later, I had to watch and miss many good opportunities. . I hate it when I think about it. The people I feel most sorry for are my children.\” It can be seen that short-sighted parents will not only harm their children. Often it affects several generations. Parents\’ ideas determine the height and happiness of their children. There is a very popular concept that \”making money is more important than raising children.\” It’s just that people who don’t have long-term worries must have immediate worries. I once met a mother who asked me for help. She wrote me an email of almost 2,000 words, talking about various problems with her son, and the one she mentioned the most was her son playing mobile games. Because the child has become like a demon. As long as he is not allowed to play, he will make trouble at home and bang his head against the wall. He even threatened to run away from home. There is nothing the mother can do. Because facing a 14-year-old son, beating and scolding have no effect. Did I say you had a fight? She said she was beaten when she was a child, but not now. Such a big child has dignity, so he doesn\’t dare to hit him for fear of getting into trouble. What\’s more, the child was fostered at his aunt\’s house when he was very young, and he always felt that he was indebted to the child. So when children were young, they basically bought whatever they wanted. Unexpectedly, I have made money in the past few years, but my son will never get it back. There are too many parents like this around us. When the children were young, they said they wanted to work hard so that their future would be guaranteed. Because in their concept: children need money to study, money to get married, and money to buy a house. However, in terms of a child’s personality and behaviorA critical period for habit formation. You haven\’t educated your children well. Today\’s anxieties and tears cannot make up for the pain of this lack of upbringing. Really, after bad habits take root, they are like a terminal illness that is difficult to cure. It often takes something that touches a child\’s soul to reverse values ​​that have been broken from the root. How difficult it is. I admire a kind of parents who love their children and make long-term plans instead of just taking it one step at a time. Long-term planning often requires high-quality companionship and careful planning. As soon as they see me talking about planning, many mothers who advocate free-range care for their children will question me with a bunch of expert opinions. It seems like this goes against a child\’s nature. Let me tell you a small story. My family originally had three small loquat trees. At first, my son and I ate loquats and vomited big loquat cores. I suggest planting it and taking a look. Unexpectedly, they all actually grew out. Later, we transplanted them to my grandma\’s house in the countryside. Because there is not much open space in front of the house, a larger one is planted alone in a good location. There are two more trees planted in another place. After one summer, one plant planted in good ground grew a lot because everyone cared about it. The other two plants were surrounded by weeds and were very short. I thought at the time I would just let nature take its course and fend for itself. A few more months passed, and in autumn, one tree withered and turned yellow due to neglect for a long time, and another one was struggling to survive. The tree that had been filled with snacks grew taller and more prosperous day by day, and was now as tall as a person. If the loquat tree is compared to our children. Choosing where to plant means choosing a school. And weeding, watering and fertilizing means ordinary maintenance. The result is often similar. Take school choice for example. Many parents who are used to complaining about social injustice always disdain this. I think it would be good if the children could go to school for a few years, and it would be the same wherever they study. Often children are in a hurry to find a school when school is about to start. The result is just make do. They also comfort themselves or put pressure on their children, telling them to work hard. But the environment is different and the teachers are different. Are they really the same? Forward-thinking parents think early about where their children will learn. In ancient times, \”Meng\’s mother moved three times\” is the biggest warning to us. The other thing is daily education. Raising children is not a day\’s work, but requires the accumulation of every day. How do you deal with when your child makes a mistake? How do you respond when your child\’s bad habits rear their ugly head? It takes 21 days for a good habit to form. But it only takes a few indulgences for a bad habit to become addictive. If you agree with the concept of free-range breeding, please think about it. As a parent, your heart comes first. Many parents say that their educational level is low and their family\’s economic conditions are not good, so they cannot raise their children well. This is really no excuse. Because poor families can also raise outstanding children. It often depends on the parents\’ concepts, which will affect their children through words and deeds. In his autobiography, Hu Shi mentioned a small incident in his childhood several times. His father died when he was less than four years old, leaving an orphan and a widow. After his father passed away, the family declined and life was tight. His mother was a woman from the countryside. Reading and literacy were mainly taught by Hu Shi\’s father after they got married. My mother is very frugal and saves money when she can, but in one thing, her mother is very generous. thatAt that time, he went to a private school. According to the market conditions at that time, a child would be given two silver dollars a year to his husband as a teaching fee. Everyone else gave her two yuan, but her mother insisted on giving more. She gave her six yuan in the first year, then two yuan each year, and in the last year it increased to 12 yuan, which was six times more than the two yuan for the average child. Of course, it was his mother\’s persistence that gave him a good foundation in Chinese studies. For those who pay two silver dollars, the teacher will only read. Those obscure ancient texts are like a sacred book to the children. Many children cannot learn, do not like to go to school, and skip classes. He is the only one who goes early every day and sits there all day long. Because the tuition he paid was several times that of others, his husband always explained every sentence to him word for word. Compared with ordinary children, he paid more money and actually made a profit. Hu Shi\’s mother had not read many books, but she was more open-minded than many people who had read books when it came to her children\’s education. In fact, such enlightenment is foresight and a high level of parenthood. We always say that in today\’s era, you rely on your father to make a living and your face to stand out. In fact, it has been a battle between parents and mothers since ancient times. Because there is always competition in society, there are many invisible competitions that we were not aware of at the time. It was many years later that I realized what was happening, but it was too late. You must know that you had opportunities back then, and stood at the crossroads of fate with your children again and again. It’s just that some parents stand beside their children and influence their children’s choices and development with their own vision, attitude, and mind. But some parents have missed it, or are missing it. I think for children, having a pair of parents with the right concepts is the greatest blessing.