The freer the child is, the more conscious his actions will be

Friend A has been recommending the \”magic device\” she bought to her friends a while ago. In her words, she really regretted buying it late. She should have bought a few more. It was so practical. Only after she finished selling her \”artifact\” with lectures and demonstrations did we understand what was going on. After being introduced by a friend, A bought a wireless smart camera that can be connected to a mobile phone. Through the mobile phone, he can remotely monitor the situation at home, and at the same time, he can have direct conversations with his family members. With this artifact, A can always see what his son is doing at home even if he is not at home. We laughed: \”You are not completely in control of your child\’s every move. The child has no freedom at all.\” She said that at this stage, he cannot rely on his self-consciousness. At night, he locks himself in the room to do homework. We I don’t know what he is doing outside, and I am not willing to go in to accompany him. He takes his time doing his homework. He spends half an hour doing everything that can be finished in ten minutes. With this monitoring, it is clear at a glance whether the son is studying in the house and whether he is lazy. As long as the child is lazy, she will shout into the mobile phone no matter where she is, and the child will immediately become obedient. After listening to A\’s introduction, I always felt that something was wrong, but I couldn\’t say what was wrong. A few days later, I asked her if the child\’s learning efficiency had improved? She said bitterly that the child was much more honest, but he was still very slow in doing homework and had no results. I said, do you have to think of other ways to improve your child\’s learning efficiency? If you look at him so strictly, it will be difficult to improve his initiative. She agreed thoughtfully. My friend’s approach is similar to what I did ten years ago. At that time, I was a young teacher in my twenties. I became a class teacher in my first year of work. I was full of enthusiasm for managing the class well. As a class teacher, in addition to giving good classes, managing class order is also an important task. In order to keep the evening self-study in order, I would appear in the classroom on time every night with a book. I sat on the podium and accompanied the students in self-study. When I was there, the class was in good order and my self-study discipline was praised by the school many times. I\’m smug about this. Until later, I didn’t show up in the classroom for a few days during self-study in the evening. I only visited the classroom occasionally. Every time before I got to the classroom, I heard chaotic sounds outside. There were so many classes, and my class was the messiest. When I arrived, it immediately became quiet; when I left, it immediately fell into chaos. Later, I realized that the students had not formed the consciousness of consciously maintaining class order. They were just afraid of me and just showed me. I also understand why some older class teachers, like me, stay in school every night but don\’t stay in the classroom all the time, but their classes are in good order. As an old teacher said: \”Give children a certain amount of autonomy, and they will do better than you think.\” I understand this sentence as: the freer the children, the more conscious they will be in doing things. Only when the child is given full freedom can he know what he should and should not do, and do things in a regular and planned manner, instead of doing whatever the parents tell him to do or not doing what the parents don\’t tell him to do, which is a completely mechanical behavior. . When children are slow to do their homework and do things slowly,In fact, another parent’s approach is worth learning from. She never went into the child\’s room to see what the child was doing. She just set a time for the child to do homework based on the child\’s homework. When the time was up, the child would go to bed. If the homework was not finished, she would not finish it. Unexpectedly, the children were able to complete their homework within the prescribed time every time, and their efficiency improved a lot. When asked why, she said: \”It\’s very simple. The time I gave him can definitely complete the homework. If he takes too long doing other things in the middle, or procrastinates on homework, it will be difficult to complete the homework. If he can\’t finish the homework, I won\’t do it.\” Criticize him, but it will be different in school. The teacher will not agree if he fails to complete his homework.\” She not only gave the child sufficient freedom, but also allowed the child to develop good habits. She must bear the consequences of her own actions. The child On the contrary, she is more conscious than when she is urged to do her homework every day. She said that giving children freedom does not mean letting them go completely, but allowing children to make their own decisions and make mistakes. Only when they learn to bear the consequences can they know what to do and what not to do, and develop initiative and consciousness. For many parents, waking up their children every day is difficult. Call him once when he gets up, call him again after brushing his teeth, call him again when the meal is ready, call him again when he puts the rice bowl on the table, and see, the child still stays in bed and cannot get up. You shout over and over again: \”Hurry up, get up quickly, or you will be late if you don\’t get up.\” But every time with the efforts of the parents, the children can get to school on time, so the parents\’ \”going to be late\” is not as good in the eyes of the children. , also as bluffing as \”crying wolf\”. But some parents don\’t do this. They clearly tell their children that if they can\’t get up, it\’s up to you to decide when to get up. If you want to be early, we will go early; if you want to be late, we will go late. The consequence of this is that the child may be late once or twice initially, but then the child will actively ask the parent to wake him up, and his consciousness is much stronger than the parent\’s \”urge\” every day. We always feel that children are young and do not have strong self-discipline. Without parental discipline, children cannot do anything well. But none of us can always do things well. If we don’t try it ourselves and fall down a few times, we will never know that we can still fall. The biggest mistake we make is to be \”too anxious\”. We are anxious to help our children avoid all pitfalls, anxious to let our children catch up with our thinking at a young age, and anxious to help our children mature quickly. So we are used to controlling and disciplining, wishing we could put everything our children say and do under our supervision, and devote ourselves to cultivating our children into our ideal benchmarks. The more we urge, the more the child procrastinates; the more we correct, the more the child makes mistakes; the more we supervise, the less self-discipline the child becomes. Only by giving children full freedom, giving them autonomy, and allowing them to try and make mistakes can children know what they want, what they should do, and have initiative and consciousness.