When raising children, sometimes you have to \”cheat\”

I encountered something very interesting yesterday. It happened in the bakery. Nowadays, many bakeries will set aside a reading space in the corner of the store. The bookshelves with a literary and artistic atmosphere are well-proportioned with various reading materials to accompany people tasting desserts to spend a sweeter and more comfortable leisure time. The house I walked into had a lot of children\’s books and periodicals on the bookshelf. A family of three stood nearby, making some noise, as if the children were making a fuss. I heard my father say, \”We\’ve bought all the bread. Let\’s go! If you don\’t leave, my father will leave!\” There was obvious impatience in his tone. The little girl looked to be a little more than 2 years old. Faced with her father\’s \”threat\”, she didn\’t buy it. She took her mother\’s hand and shouted: \”Mom, teach! Tell! Don\’t leave!\” If her father didn\’t cooperate, he would go to her mother. Oh, children are indeed a smart species, and they know very well which method can best achieve their goals. I unconsciously slowed down my selection of bread, wondering how this mother would respond. \”Let\’s go. When Dad went to pay for bread just now, we already talked about a book. We still have things to do. Let\’s talk about the book at home when we get home, okay?\” Mom\’s tone was much gentler, but the little boy The girl still disagreed and insisted on staying here to read. \”Take it away!\” The father yelled at a low voice. The little girl was about to cry. The mother hurriedly knelt down and said: \”Okay, if you don\’t want to take it away, let\’s discuss it with the mother. The mother will choose a book for the baby. Let\’s Just talk about this book, and then leave, okay?\” The little girl nodded and said yes, and her mother emphasized it again. After confirming that the discussion was completed, she took a fairy tale from the bookshelf that was almost entirely written in words and had few illustrations. The book, casually but pretending to be serious, flipped through a few pages of pictures and compiled a few sentences to explain. In less than a minute, the child was easily fooled. The little girl asked to read another book, and her mother said that we had just discussed it. The little girl thought for a while, said okay, and left happily with her parents. At that moment, I suddenly thought, if something like this happened when I was in primary school, what would I do? Maybe I will obey the child\’s wishes and read with her for a while. After all, the child needs to be treated patiently, but that will make the father unhappy; maybe I will obey the father\’s wishes and hug her and leave. After all, there are still things arranged and cannot be wasted. Too much time here, but a crying child is probably unavoidable. Pick up a fairy tale book that is almost entirely written with few illustrations and flip through two pages to coax and trick you? It doesn\’t take long to leave, and the children feel satisfied and happy. This method makes everyone happy. A friend of mine also told me a similar point of view. She complained that her husband either made blind promises to the children, saying he would go to the amusement park to have a good meal, even though he had other arrangements and couldn\’t go; or he adopted tough policies towards the troublesome children, making them scream and scream, and he had no patience at all. nothing. However, my husband still felt deeply angrily and said, \”Why is your child so nice to you? I don\’t want to lie to him for food, but he won\’t listen to anything I say. How can I be patient?\” The friend responded with a heavy blow. : \”That\’s because you don\’t know how to \’lie\’!\” My friend said that sometimes, it is useless to reason with children.\”Lie\” is the last word. For example, her son doesn\’t like to eat vegetables, so she tells him: \”You have to eat vegetables to grow taller. He also wants to eat your favorite Thomas the Tank Engine, but he doesn\’t.\” Mouth, if you eat more for him, he will grow up. But this will take a long time. You have to eat more vegetables for Thomas every day to make him grow taller. \”My friend said this every day, and it worked. Her son became more obedient. But she did not forget that a few months later, she bought a larger Thomas and gave it to her son, saying that this was the taller Thomas and that he was satisfied. The little expectation in the son\’s heart. For example, a friend occasionally wants to go out with her husband for a two-person world. The son keeps asking where mom and dad are going, but refuses to let her go. The friend said to her son: \”Mom and dad are not going out to play, they are here for you.\” Buying gifts. You\’ve been doing so well recently, your kindergarten teachers have praised you. You\’re waiting at home while your parents pick out the best gift for you! \”After hearing these words, my son was just happy and didn\’t ask where they were going. Children don\’t have a sound sense of time. If they go out and hang out for a few hours, they won\’t think there is anything abnormal about buying gifts. Of course. , when I go home, my friend will bring back a small snack or a small toy. She said that the gifts on weekdays are very cheap and can please the children. We also have fun, perfect! What my friend did like this , it seems that it is indeed gentler than tough demands, and more effective than rigid reasoning. It not only achieves the goal, but also creates an atmosphere where everyone is happy, which is good. So what about the \”no deception\” promised? Is it wrong to \”remember not to coax children\” that is often mentioned in theory? Of course not. When is it necessary to \”cheat\”? When time is tight, the truth does not make sense, when forced control will make the situation worse, when some coaxing will Bring good expectations to your children, and the expectations can be realized. When the advantages outweigh the disadvantages, occasional \”cheating\” can be used as a strategy. You are in a hurry to go out, and the child is holding your thigh and refusing to let you go. How much patience do you have to be reasonable? ? With so many people watching, the child lingers at the mall counter and refuses to leave. He insists on buying a car that is very similar to the new one bought yesterday. How much money do you have to let him spend so endlessly every day? Not to mention eating and sleeping. These are annoying but normal things. Just like the story of the bakery mother and my friend, instead of making the children cry and the adults angry, it is better to \”cheat\” appropriately, without crying, without making trouble, without hurting feelings. It can also better make the baby eat well. I am afraid that no parent can never coax the child. In order to more smoothly curb the intensification of conflicts, there is nothing wrong with choosing another way to achieve the purpose of educating the child. However, we must pay attention to methods and methods, and at the same time, be aware that \”cheating\” is only an occasional emergency and should not become the norm in education. There are three prerequisites for \”cheating\” and \”cheating\” in any situation: first, it must not be discovered by children; second, lies must also be To fulfill, the third is to establish a sufficient sense of trust in daily life. Not to be discovered by children: whether it is perfunctory or coaxing, the so-called white lie is not to be seen through, and \”cheating\” the child must be suitable for his age and thinking, otherwise it will Counterproductive. LikeThe things mentioned in the previous examples may be very effective for young children, but if the children are older and know more, they will feel cheated and perfunctory, and their self-esteem will be hurt, and they may become more rebellious. Lies must also be fulfilled: you must also find lies that can be realized when coaxing, and remember to honor what you promised. My friend said that she never forgets what she said to her children because she knows that the children will remember it. \”Liar\” is also something that requires consideration of how to deal with the aftermath. Those empty promises that have no intention of being fulfilled, or empty lies such as \”there will be a big bad wolf when you go out after dark\” will be discovered sooner or later. When a child discovers that what he expected never comes true, or when the child goes out one night and does not see the big bad wolf, it not only hurts the trust in the parents, but may also reduce the child\’s respect for the virtue of \”honesty and trustworthiness.\” Establish a sufficient sense of trust in daily life: It is very important to establish a sense of trust. Only by refusing to coax or lie many times in daily life can your children believe your occasional lies. Many parents complain why their children are not afraid of being scared? No matter how much you try to coax me, you won’t listen, so you can’t be deceived at all? This is because they have lied too much and frightened the grown-up children, who will naturally become more and more naive. You have used too much unnecessary coaxing, and your child\’s trust in you has been destroyed. When you want to tell some \”white lies\” again, you will find that there is really nothing you can do to deal with this child who does not listen to reason and is not afraid of scaring. \”Cheating\” is actually a roundabout way to solve problems, and the focus is on mastering skills. Knowing when it is necessary to \”cheat\”, knowing under what circumstances it is appropriate to \”cheat\”, and ensuring that children will not be frustrated, unaware, have their trust broken, or suffer emotional harm, is the skill of \”cheating\”. Raising children is also a process of fighting wits and courage with children. Sometimes knowing how to \”cheat\” is also a lesson that a resourceful mother needs to learn.