\”Congratulations, your child is disobedient!\”

Today on the bus, a mother was helping her daughter review English. The mother spoke Chinese and the girl translated into English, talking and laughing. The girl translated very well. As an English teacher, I couldn’t help but praise her. When such a scene appeared in a hurry in the morning, I couldn’t help but feel envious. But at this time, the girl couldn\’t pronounce a sentence, and her mother said something, which suddenly brought the originally warm atmosphere to a freezing point. The girl\’s mother said: \”You don\’t know this? You didn\’t review yesterday\’s class, you just know how to play…\” The little girl hurriedly defended: \”Mom, yesterday I…\” Before she could finish her words, she was severely reprimanded by her mother. There was no room for the child to refute. The girl didn\’t say another word until I got off the bus. I know, this mother talks to death. In fact, this situation is not uncommon in many families. My dad is also a parent who can always talk to death with just one sentence. In my family, my dad always takes the initiative. In front of him, I rarely had the opportunity to speak. There was a time when I was a child. It was very popular in school to fold hundreds of stars and put them in a glass bottle. The classmates all said that this is a wish bottle. If you fill it with stars and give it to the birthday person, then his or her wish will come true. A teenage girl in junior high school believed this the most, so I bought a lot of colored paper with folded stars, and folded them one by one. I folded them after class, in class, and secretly folded them when I got home from school, thinking that I would wait for my dad’s birthday. , as a gift to him. However, my wish did not come true… During those days, I secretly folded stars during class and was often caught by the teacher. Once, the teacher got really angry, criticized me in public, and even called my parents. On the way my dad took me home, he kept criticizing me, saying that if I didn\’t study hard, I would only do these useless exercises. I wanted to explain, but I didn\’t even have a chance to speak. My dad\’s words: \”Don\’t make excuses for yourself. You are not focused on studying all day long. No wonder your grades are declining.\” It made me completely sad and cried all the way home. I didn’t send the wish bottle away either, and I hid it under the bed together with the birthday card. Until one day when I was in college, I received a message from my father. He said: Xiaoxi, your mother and I were cleaning up your room today and dug out a glass bottle from under the bed. I remember that at that time, my father still asked me for this. I scolded you, I hope I didn’t make you sad for a long time…Dad owes you a word, I’m sorry, and dad also loves you very much. Dad really likes this birthday gift. I was walking on the road and when I saw this text message, I couldn\’t stop crying. I cried and laughed at the same time. My roommates said I was stupid. They don’t know how long I have been waiting for Dad’s words, “I love you too.” I always thought he didn\’t love me that much, but I didn\’t expect that it was just because he said a lot of things, but he didn\’t say he loved me; just because he was busy telling me what to do and what to do, but he forgot to listen to what I wanted to say. say what. So, you see, how important it is for parents to know how to listen to their children! Ever since I was little, I have always envied one person, my best friend He Yu who I grew up with. If nothing else, just because she has a friend who is like me.A father who is like a friend. She can laugh and joke with her father, and every time Uncle He makes a decision, he will ask He Yu for his opinion. Even if it is a child\’s clever idea that cannot be adopted, Uncle He will listen carefully. What Uncle He said the most was: \”Xiaoyu, what do you think about this?\” So, I also tried to joke with my father, but my father said: \”Be serious and do your homework well\”; I tried to make decisions in the context of my parents. Sometimes, I wanted to express my opinion, but every time they said: \”Children, please don\’t interfere in adult matters. Go read a book when you have time.\” Just a few simple words like this dismissed me, and I gradually got used to it. This way of getting along. Gradually, the personality difference between me and my best friend became bigger and bigger. She became more and more lively and outspoken. She also joined the debate team in high school and served as the host of the high school\’s annual New Year\’s Day party. However, I became more and more introverted and shy to say \”I\” when meeting relatives. I couldn\’t say anything, but my mother kept saying that I couldn\’t keep my face clean. Every time I see my best friends chatting away, I feel very envious. So, you see, how important it is for parents to know how to let their children talk! Every child who comes into this world longs to be listened to by his parents all the time. Like adults, children will feel respected and accepted when listened to, and will feel safe in the world. A child who feels secure is a happy child. \”What is really good for him is to respect his right to express and choose. Many parents are like my father. They always make decisions for their children and say, \”I do it for your own good.\” Because I have experienced it personally and know that this approach is good for them. No matter how much harm the child can do, I don’t want to be another “my dad”. I want to be a parent like Uncle He. So, after I started a family, I learned to listen more to what my child wanted to say and encourage him to express his opinions. Any I will listen to his opinion when making decisions as big as what school to go to or as small as what to eat tonight. I always tell him: \”Mom may not necessarily adopt your opinion, but mom respects your right to speak and will do my best to listen.\” obligations. \”When a child makes a mistake, it is important to give the child a chance to express himself. Many parents say that as soon as I see him making a mistake, I can\’t help but scold him.\” This is obviously because you don\’t know how to control your emotions. Even if your child is wrong, you should give him a chance to explain why he was wrong. The result of not expressing this to my children is that I worked hard to prepare a birthday gift for my father, but my father thought that his daughter was not doing her job properly. I think no parent wants to create a quarrel with their child. So when your child makes you angry, give yourself and your child a time to calm down. You can leave your child alone for 10 minutes. After 10 minutes, after we have digested our own negative emotions and the child has calmed down, we will listen carefully to the child\’s true thoughts. It is really important for parents to learn to \”listen to their children\”. Only if you give him a chance to speak, will he also respect the right of others to speak; only if you become an obedient parent can he become an obedient child. Parent-child communication is a practice, and we are all practitioners on this path. May we all become obedient parents; may our children become obedient children.