In this era, are you still comparing yourself to “other people’s children”?

A best friend, the mother of an 8-year-old girl, sent a message late at night: \”A classmate who practices dance with my child was selected for a TV children\’s program. My child was not selected. Why do I feel so lost?\” I asked: \”You Do you want your child to become a dancer? Or to get extra points in the exam? Or to cultivate temperament?\” She thought for a while and replied: \”Just as a hobby or skill.\” I said: \”It is good to have the opportunity to practice on stage, and it also gives parents a sense of honor. But A child\’s life is a long-distance marathon rather than a 100-meter sprint. Maybe dancing is not what she is best at. What are her other interests and strengths?\” My best friend had an open mind: \”She likes Chinese and works as a junior reporter at a community reporter station. People. I always focus on the strengths of other people\’s children, and I am too nervous.\” Many children who have low evaluations of themselves cannot feel their self-worth, largely due to excessive comparisons by their parents. Thomas, a student at a prestigious university in Australia, did not dare to raise his head when chatting with me and rarely communicated with me. He studied finance as his parents wanted, but he wasn\’t interested at all. I asked him: \”How did your parents discuss your major with you?\” \”They said that your cousin Lucy got admitted to the finance department of a prestigious American university without any effort. You just went to Australia, so you should study in a decent finance major.\” Thomas said, \”I fell into a mild depression for a time. I like design very much, but when I mentioned this idea, I was nagged. They thought I was naive and ridiculous.\” The narrowness of comparison thinking, coupled with the parents\’ desire to control, created A child who lives for the will of adults. Each child is like a different seed. Developmental psychologist and Harvard professor Dr. Howard Gardner gave a scientific explanation, which is his theory of multiple intelligences. Human intelligence is diversified rather than singular. It is mainly composed of eight categories: linguistic intelligence, mathematical logic intelligence, spatial intelligence, body movement intelligence, musical intelligence, interpersonal intelligence, self-cognitive intelligence, and natural cognitive intelligence. Each of us has a different combination of intelligent strengths. Some children may never be familiar with mathematical logic, but they have outstanding talents in physical and motor intelligence. Under the pressure of exam-oriented education, the most common mistake parents make is to evaluate their children simply by comparing their scores. This is a common scene: a child who loves sports but has poor academic performance encounters a simple and rude parent: \”Look at my little A, she got 100 points again this time. What about you? Reflect on it.\” \”Can sports be a meal? How will you support yourself if you can\’t go to college in the future?\” This kind of violent communication is a big blow to children who love sports but have weak mathematical logic and natural cognition. Children feel helpless in learning, their motor intelligence is also devalued, and their parents evaluate them as lazy and unmotivated. This communication model makes children more resistant to learning, forming a vicious cycle. If parents can respect their children and see their potential and interests, they will open up a new communication mode: \”After basketball practice, our agreement is to do homework at seven o\’clock, right?\” \”You are very serious in class. Your grades are better than before.\” \”Your spirit of not giving up in sports makes my mother admire you very much.\” Maybe the child may not necessarily be the same when he grows up.He is a professional athlete, but his advantages are carefully seen by his mother. It is easier for him to build confidence in himself and accept himself, and he will not have a strong sense of rejection towards learning. Or maybe in the future, he will use his advantages in the sports field and become an excellent swimming coach or even a shooting coach. A friend quit his job as a university teacher and became a professional diving instructor. He is qualified to teach diving skills in the most beautiful sea areas in the world. Referring to the theory of multiple intelligences, this friend had the opportunity to develop his motor intelligence and combine it with career development to explore wonderful life experiences. Professor Jin Shuren, a well-known educator in Taiwan, has a similar interpretation: \”Every person, every plant, every animal has an innate mission – to complete themselves as they are. Roses will not take the form of a bird of paradise. Complete yourself, even if the bird of paradise is colorful and dazzling; an elephant will not complete itself in the form of a hummingbird, even if the hummingbird is light and dexterous.\” If you love your child, please respect his nature and advantages; when facing children who are relatively weak in learning, Your patient companionship will allow him to see hope and feel the power of love; every child is not \”other people\’s child\”; every parent can better communicate with their children, from examining their own language to Don\’t start easily by saying \”Look at this \’Xiaoqiang\’\”.