A mother who loses her temper is a good mother

\”My daughter is in middle school. She has been fussy since she got up this morning. It took her more than ten minutes just to put on clothes. This one is not good and that one is not good. She also refused to brush her teeth for a long time, and she thought the breakfast was not good. No matter how hard I push, I can\’t get it fast. I\’m in a hurry to go to work, and when I\’m anxious, I yell at her and make her cry. I usually read parenting books and know that I need to be friends with my children. I\’ve never lost my temper with my children before, but today I really can\’t hold it back, and I regret it very much now. How can I control my temper? Do you have any good ideas?\” This is a message a mother sent me yesterday morning. I often receive similar messages. Some are about children who are spanked for causing damage, and some are about children who have done something wrong and are criticized. Or, like this mother, they urge and yell at the child who is dragging his feet. In short, various reasons caused my mother to lose her temper. After she lost her temper, she immediately regretted and blamed herself, and came to me to talk and \”confess\”. When I see messages like this, I always want to comfort my mother with a few words: It doesn\’t really matter if you beat or scold your children occasionally, and there is no need to be too nervous. Of course, you can\’t do this all the time. You have to work hard to adjust your mentality and control your emotions. Whenever I comforted others, I began to feel ashamed, feeling that I had sometimes done worse than that mother. Many readers read my articles and guessed that I must be a mother with a good temper. She always talks to her children gently, has endless love and patience, and will never yell at her children… In fact, , I am a typical impatient person, and my temper is really not very good. Psychologically speaking, my temperament type should be biased toward choleric, the kind with poor emotional control. Therefore, I can\’t help but yell at my children, and occasionally spank Xiaonuo\’s little butt or hands. Countless parenting chicken soups tell us: Mothers must never lose their temper at their children. I actually disagree with this. In my opinion, a mother who loses her temper is a good mother! A few nights ago, I read a picture book about Yue Fei to Xiao Nuo. The little guy was very interested and kept asking me more. The next day when I was taking her to school, I remembered that there was a song in the car music called \”Serving the Country with Loyalty\” sung by Tu Honggang, so I played it for her to listen to. On the way to pick up her sister after school in the evening, this song kept playing on repeat. \”Serving the Country with Loyalty\” is also a song that I like very much. When it came to \”the horse\’s hoof goes south and the man looks north\”, I couldn\’t help but hum along loudly. Unexpectedly, instead of applauding her mother\’s singing voice, Xiao Nuo said loudly: \”It\’s so disgusting! Ugh~~~ (onomatopoeia, simulating the sound of vomiting). She meant that she only wanted to listen to the original song.\” The word \”so disgusting\” was learned from my sister not long ago. Even though I knew in my heart that the child just said it, I still felt a little sad. No one would be happy to be evaluated like this, even if she is his own child. Although I wouldn\’t argue with a four or five-year-old child, it was necessary for her to understand how I felt, so I told her seriously that I was very sad. The child continued to listen to the song at first and ignored me. It took about a minute to react and asked me timidly: \”Mom, are you unhappy?\” I said yes. Then he didn\’t continue talking to her as usual, nor did he smile at her through the rearview mirror in the car.I tried to look unhappy. Seeing that the child was a little overwhelmed, I felt that my goal was almost achieved, so I told her: \”If you want to listen to the original song attentively, you can ask me not to sing, but you shouldn\’t say that my singing is disgusting. Saying that others sing is disgusting It\’s very rude to be disgusting, and others will feel sad.\” Maybe I was too serious, but the child almost burst into tears after hearing my words, and whispered \”I\’m sorry\” to me. On the way back home after picking up my sister, the song was still playing on the car music, and at the climax, my sister started humming along with her. I heard Xiao Nuo say: \”Okay…sister, can you stop singing?\” My sister asked why, and Xiao Nuo said that she wanted to hear the car sing. My sister expressed her understanding and stopped singing. She instead used my mobile phone to check her official account. I know that Xiao Nuo almost blurted out that her sister was \”so disgusting\”, but she held it back at the critical moment. I gave her a thumbs up in the rearview mirror. My friend\’s daughter was in the third class of kindergarten. One night after washing, she was waiting for her mother to tell her a story, but her mother was doing her skin care in front of the mirror. While applying it, she asked her daughter: \”Do you think mommy is beautiful?\” The child seemed a little impatient, so she deliberately said: \”It\’s so ugly!\” Her friend was very angry after hearing this. She said to her daughter: \”Other people\’s children.\” They all think their mother is very beautiful, but you said I’m ugly, and I’m not happy.” So that night, my friend refused to tell the child a story, and even refused to talk to her. The child was very sad and apologized to her mother several times. I never said anything like my mother being ugly or my mother being stupid again. I don’t comment on what my friend did. I believe most mothers can’t do this, but I agree with her expressing her unhappiness to her children. Everyone has ups and downs, and mom is no exception. There are things I particularly like, there are moments when I am in a bad mood, there are things that make me happy, there are actions that irritate me. Our joys, sorrows, and joys contain many unclear rules and bottom lines. A child is like a blank piece of paper with no rules or squares on it. Rules and boundaries about what can and cannot be done need to be established slowly. There are two main ways for children to master the rules. One is through our words and deeds, and the other is through children\’s own exploration and testing. Mother\’s emotional feedback is helping her children establish rules and bottom lines. When we lose our temper, the children will understand: This is the mother\’s bottom line, and they cannot cross it in the future. When a mother loses her temper with her child, the child can learn to think from others\’ perspective and learn to respect and understand others. If you are blindly tolerant and understanding of your child\’s behavior, your child will never learn to think from someone else\’s perspective. Some children throw things they don\’t like to their parents when they encounter them, and kick and punch their parents when they are unhappy. However, parents are restrained by parenting chicken soup and are determined not to lose their temper at their children. It\’s hard for me to imagine that such a child will be filial to his parents when he grows up. On the other hand, if the mother always forces herself not to lose her temper, then the bad emotions will not be vented for a long time, which is not good for the mother\’s physical and mental health. Only mothers who are physically and mentally healthy can love their children better by \”letting out\” their temper appropriately without accumulating or fermenting. A mother who can lose her temper is a good mother! Of course, this \”will\” has two meanings.Si, on the one hand, it means that it is possible and possible, that is, a mother can lose her temper with her child; on the other hand, it means that it is a skill, that is, a mother must know how to lose her temper. \”Can\” lose your temper, it is definitely not shouting hysterically, nor is it punching or kicking to vent your emotions. When losing your temper with a child, you should abide by the following principles: 1. We should express our feelings to the child about one thing and criticize the child for doing something wrong. But you must not evaluate the child\’s personality and character because of this, such as saying that the child is stupid, silly, bad, etc. Don\’t settle old scores and don\’t involve getting angry with your children. Don\’t settle old scores and don\’t involve other things. For example, if a child lies and we lose our temper with him, just criticize him for lying. Don\’t criticize him for beating the child yesterday. The purpose of losing temper is to hope that the child will correct his shortcomings or prevent him from doing the same wrong thing next time. If old accounts are brought up and multiple aspects are involved, children will not be able to distinguish the key points, lower their evaluation of themselves, lose confidence in correcting shortcomings, and even develop a mentality of breaking the pot and breaking the pot. It’s reasonable not to get angry with your children in a loud voice. The key is to express your feelings instead of using your children as our punching bag. Yelling loudly will only make the child panic and ignore the right and wrong of the matter itself. Don\’t be stubborn. Everything should be done in moderation, especially when you lose your temper with your children. You must not be reluctant to give up endlessly, otherwise it may bring many negative effects to the child. Don\’t lose your temper frequently. Do not lose your temper with your child occasionally. The child will realize the seriousness of the problem and make up his mind to correct it. If you always lose your temper, your child will get used to it. A mother who goes too far and loses her temper frequently is a disaster for her children. Don\’t lose your temper in front of outsiders. Children also have self-esteem and need \”face\”. Try not to lose your temper in front of outsiders, otherwise the child will become angry from shame. When children focus all their attention on \”anger\”, they will not be able to see clearly what the problem is, which is counterproductive. A mother who loses her temper is a mother who is flesh and blood, has warmth and attitude, and is real and kind!