Good education never relies on \”yelling\”

On Sunday, I took my daughter to fly a kite and play on the slide in Hetan Park. A little boy of seven or eight years old riding a bicycle was attracted by the kite. He put down the bicycle and followed his daughter to chase the kite. The wind was warm and the sun was shining brightly, but the kite fell down after flying a few meters high. The two children gradually lost interest in the kite. The daughter suggested that the two of them go on the slide together, and the little boy readily agreed. He just walked away, because there was no way to ride, so the little boy put his bicycle on the side of the road, and the two children ran towards the slide a few hundred meters away. When the two of them planned to go on the slide, we adults were not too close. We waited until they started running before we thought of chasing them. The boy\’s father was riding a bicycle himself, and he didn\’t realize until the boy put down his bicycle and ran away. By the time I chased after them, the two of them were already playing around on the slide. A few minutes later, the boy\’s father chased after him. He grabbed the boy who came down the slide and growled: \”Why did you throw the car away and run away without telling me?\” The boy said, \”I told you.\” \”When did you tell me, put the car away?\” Throw it away, don\’t ask me to take you out again.\” The boy said nothing, and his father yelled again: \”Did you hear what I said? You must tell me wherever you go!\” The boy nodded. After the father criticized his son, he knew that his son had not run away, so he went back to riding his bicycle. The little boy went up the slide again. At this time, a boy who was smaller than him was behind him. Seeing that he was not moving on the slide, he gave him a gentle push. The little boy who had just been yelled at was probably still in a mood, so he turned around and gave the younger boy a fist. Then the two children started fighting. The younger boy was obviously no match, and after a few rounds, he started crying. If the little boy just now was yelled at for not saying hello to his father, then this younger boy has experienced the roar of a lion. The little boy just cried twice when his father rushed to the slide, dragged him over and yelled: \”Stay away from him. If you follow him and push him, he won\’t hit you.\” Is that so close? You deserve to be beaten.\” \”Hurry up, go over there and play, and let him beat you to death if you lean against him again. If he doesn\’t beat you to death, I will beat you to death.\” There were dozens of parents around. and the child, were suppressed by the man\’s yelling, but the little boy looked indifferent, wiped his nose, and went to play aside. Later, the little boy who was playing with his daughter at first hit two children who were close to him, and muttered: \”I am eight and a half years old, no one can bully me.\” I don\’t know what the two children usually do. What it is, just from the performance at the scene, the negative impact of their father yelling at them has been shown. One has learned to vent his emotions and rely on violence to transfer them. It doesn\’t matter anymore. You can yell as much as you want, but I\’ll pretend I didn\’t hear you. Yelling cannot make children realize their mistakes, let alone develop good habits. This is what I gradually learned through the painful lesson of raising my daughter. When the child was first brought back from his hometown, he would wake up in the middle of the night and cry for an hour or two. At the beginning, I was very nervous and always tried to persuade her in a slow voice not to cry, but she still cried. She was like this for several nights in a row. No matter how good her temper was, she was always irritated, tired and sleepy.I was helpless and yelled at her: \”Stop crying. If you cry again, I\’ll throw you out.\” Not only did this sentence have no effect, she cried even harder. I simply threw her on the bed and shouted: \” Cry, cry, cry, you can cry here, when the crying is enough is the end.\” The child was frightened on the spot and stopped crying. Within a minute, he started crying again, hoarse. At the longest time, she cried for an hour without stopping, until her voice became hoarse from crying, and then she cried herself to sleep. After using this method several times, she still got up crying in the middle of the night. Yelling and threatening didn\’t work. If she cried again, I had to pick her up and gently say, \”Mom is by your side. Mom is holding you to sleep.\” Then I patted her gently with my hands. She soon stopped crying and started over. sleep. Later, I understood that the child had not been with us for a long time and returned to her parents. She had not yet established a sense of security and intimacy. Waking up in the middle of the night and crying was a manifestation of her lack of security. The more I yelled at her, the more scared she became. After using the method of yelling so much, the child actually learned the skill of using yelling to vent his emotions. Obviously, she thought that if she was unhappy and angry, and yelled at the adults, the adults would compromise, because that\’s what adults do. I had to spend a long time teaching her not to yell loudly and to speak properly when she has something to say, but now it seems that bad habits are easy to develop but hard to break. When she is in a hurry, her first choice is still yelling. Most parents do not think that yelling at their children is an effective way to educate them, but they always yell at their children uncontrollably. If you don\’t yell, you will suffer internal injuries; if you don\’t take soft and hard advice, if you don\’t yell, how can your child be afraid; if you use all the methods, not yelling is not enough to express your anger. If you don\’t yell, how will the child know that he is the parent? The consequences of yelling at your children are serious. You have lost your prestige among your children. It works once or twice, but yelling three or four times becomes scratching. You yell at your children, and yelling becomes a way to vent your emotions. Your children only listen to you because they are afraid, not because they know. Where did I go wrong? Therefore, good education is never achieved by \”yelling\”. Calmness is the prerequisite. Only when you are calm can you look at your child\’s problems objectively; when you are calm can your child look at his own problems correctly; when you are calm can the two of you communicate on an equal footing. Only with communication can there be communication, only with communication can there be understanding, and only with understanding can there be consensus. Whenever you want to get angry with your child, think about what is unforgivable about the child, whether you also have the problems with the child, and whether you are dissatisfied with the child or dissatisfied with yourself for not being able to educate your child well. Good-tempered parents are a blessing to their children.