Discord between husband and wife may ruin a child\’s life

A sad mother left a message: \”My husband and I have been quarreling and fighting for more than ten years. If it weren\’t for the children, we would have divorced long ago. In order to let the children have a complete family, I have endured it for so many years. The day before yesterday, my husband and I because of They got into a big fight again. Afterwards, when he cried to his children about his difficulties, he said coldly, \”You brought it on yourself. Since you are so unhappy, why don\’t you get divorced as soon as possible.\” Mr. Qintai, you know that I How shocked I was. After enduring so many years for my son, my son actually said that I brought it on myself. My husband hit me and it hurt. My child’s words were like a knife, piercing my heart. …\” An article \”My father cheated on me, but I hate my mother even more\” was posted in the circle of friends with great response. It is about a mother who is hysterical and furious after being betrayed. The family is like a hell on earth, with no tenderness and warmth anymore. The mother chose not to divorce for the sake of her children, but as adults, the children would rather forgive their father\’s cheating than their mother\’s irritability. A reader was very angry after reading the article: \”A mother sacrifices her life\’s happiness for her child, but in the end it ends like this. How heartless the child is.\” At first, I also felt that I hated the mother\’s child more for being ruthless. Zhihu I saw a post on the Internet that documented the harm caused by my original family, which completely changed this concept. \”They clearly swung the swords in their hands at each other, but it was me who was stabbed with blood. The scene seemed to be in darkness, alone holding up my own heart full of holes. I don\’t believe in marriage, and I don\’t understand how to believe in marriage. People who are willing to get involved. They are envious of children whose parents love them. Even if their parents don\’t give them anything, a sound personality is better than anything else.\” \”Self-sorrow, lack of security, doubting whether I can be happy when I start a family in the future, Seeing that my parents feel that life is bleak and full of negative energy, even though they have been working hard to climb up and be sunny, they still feel very unsure that anyone will like me like this.\” \”When I was a child, my father held me and me My mother fought with her, and when she grew up, she went to study outside. After they beat her, her mother would call and cry, saying that she had thought about suicide many times. During the winter and summer vacations, she longed to go home but was also afraid of going home, because as soon as she came home, she would hear everything from trivial things to all kinds of things. \”Family is a happy typhoon shelter for others, but it is a nightmare for me. My parents quarreled, cheated and got divorced. They fought with each other. My mother committed suicide and ran away from home. My father was a few months old. Not going home, all of this is like a needle pricking my heart again and again. Regarding family, I only see two adults who are ignorant and have no sense of responsibility hurting each other. A quarter of my life has been in Living in this kind of environment, I really don’t know when I will adjust myself and become a person with a sound character and mentality.\” \”I witnessed my parents quarreling for more than 20 years, unable to change or solve it, and then, as soon as I heard them quarreling, I would Mental illness with shortness of breath. Then he started to self-mutilate. He began to seriously consider a suicide method that could lead to death on the spot. He hoped that they would get divorced to free each other, but he was afraid of becoming a single parent. Many times he couldn\’t help but think, since they are not ready to be parents, why should they? Give birth to me.\” Since you are not ready to be a parent, whyTo give birth to me. Such questions have roared in the hearts of many children thousands of times. Reader Tree is also a child who grew up in the shadow of parental discord. \”Every time my parents quarreled, they would smash things. They smashed the pots and pans at home countless times, and also smashed several TV sets. When I was a child, I was terrified every time I ate because my father would overturn the table if we disagreed. One time, my parents fought again. My mother rushed to the bedroom and took out a pair of scissors and stabbed her randomly. My father\’s coat was torn into a broken net. I was so frightened that I ran out barefoot and called for help without any shoes on. That day It was snowing heavily, and I stepped barefoot in the cold snow. The coldness penetrated into my bones. From then on, every time I saw snow, the soles of my feet would spasm unconsciously… In order to prevent my parents from quarreling, I live a cautious life every day, for fear of accidentally offending them. In order to please them, I learned to wash pots, wash dishes and cook at a very young age. For a period of time, my father was out of work and in a bad mood. In order to make him happy, I would eat every day. I don\’t even eat the food on the table, thinking that this way I can save money for my family. The family will no longer be short of money, and my parents may be less noisy… However, my parents seem to be blind, and they can\’t see how well-behaved and sensible I am. , should we quarrel, we still quarrel. Every time we quarrel, my mother will fight for her life. When I heard her talk about suicide, I was scared to death. I didn’t go to school and stayed with her like a shadow. When I went to bed at night, I turned off the lights and didn’t dare to close my eyes. , my little hands gently pulled my mother\’s quilt corner, for fear that she would run out to seek death while I was sleeping. One day, they quarreled again, and my father slammed the door and left. My mother cried for most of the night and then lay down. I quietly pulled He touched the corner of her quilt and repeatedly reminded himself not to sleep, but he couldn\’t hold on anymore and fell asleep unconsciously. He fell asleep and fell asleep, but was suddenly awakened by a noise. When he opened his eyes, he saw his mother getting out of bed. I was really scared to death. Wow. I cried loudly and hugged her: \’Mom, you don\’t want to die.\’ Mom threw me away angrily: \’I have to go to the toilet, why should I die? With a little enemy like you, I can\’t die.\’ I followed my mother. I went to the toilet, and it wasn\’t until I saw her come back and lie down again that my heart returned to my stomach. But I didn\’t dare to sleep anymore, for fear that if I fell asleep, my mother would get distracted and do something stupid. … Growing up in this environment When I woke up, I was irritable, mentally depressed, low self-esteem, and sad. Because of long-term fear and excessive psychological pressure, my physical growth was also inhibited, and my resistance was very poor, so that I later developed a serious lung disease and almost died. At that time, the medical conditions were not good, and my condition was very critical. My parents ignored the quarrels and surrounded me every day. Seeing that they no longer quarreled, I didn’t even want to get better. That illness cost everything at home. Savings, my mother cried into tears every day, and my tall father suddenly became thin and frail. Looking at them, I felt distressed again. From that moment on, I started to take medicine obediently and actively cooperate with the treatment. After recovering from the illness, my parents quarreled. I am no longer so fierce, but the shadow in my heart is always there. This shadow directly affects my character. I am timid and fearful, irresponsible, and have poor emotional intelligence. When I encounter problems, I will not solve them smoothly, and I am always out of control. Keep your emotions in check. When I first started working, I smashed the unit’s computer because of a quarrel with my boss… I realizedIf this continues, my life will be ruined, so I read a lot of books on psychology and slowly regulate myself. Later, I met a husband with a very high emotional intelligence, and he also gave me a lot of guidance. When I became a mother, the moment I saw my child\’s cute little face, I made a decision: In this life, I would rather get divorced than quarrel in front of my child. My children have become my motivation to change myself. Now, my son is six years old, and my personality is getting gentler and gentler. My mother once came to see her grandson and lamented how much my personality has changed. For the first time, I talked about her and her relationship when I was growing up. The hurt my dad caused me. My mother was dumbfounded and shocked. She could never have imagined that the original war would have such a devastating blow to me. I talked a lot that day. In the end, my mother cried. She didn\’t say anything, but her tears showed me a mother\’s regret. \” M, who is nearly fifty years old, never dares to watch other people fight. Whenever he sees violent scenes, he will unconsciously panic and sweat. This kind of fragility is the shadow cast by his original family. M\’s parents are both violent people. , quarrels and fights were very common. Once she was beaten too hard, and her mother smashed her father\’s head with a bowl. M was in the fifth grade of elementary school at the time. He saw fresh blood flowing down his father\’s forehead, his face was red, and he was instantly stunned. . From then on, whenever she saw other people quarreling, her legs would become weak and her body would tremble. More than forty years later, the shadow is still there: \”Every time I go home from school and see people blocking the door of my house from a distance, I will I shivered unconsciously, because my parents must have been beating me again. I didn’t want to go home, and I had nowhere to go except home, so I had no choice but to walk forward. When they saw me, the neighbors talked and moved out of the way. The way they looked at me would never be the same in my life. forget. \”After becoming a mother, M and her husband agreed: no matter who is at fault, they cannot quarrel in front of the children. If they can\’t do it, it is better to divorce. Compared with the loneliness of a single parent, children who live in the smoke of the family are more Painful. My husband supports M’s decision. Now, their child is twenty years old. The couple is still as close as their first love. Their son is also gentle and cheerful. M and tree grew up in an unfortunate native family and were finally able to redeem themselves. , is a rare kind of luck. There are too many children in this world whose lives have been ruined because of their parents’ discord. Alian is a girl who grew up in the same village as me. Her parents are not getting along well with each other. They fight every day and feel uncomfortable. A-Lian entered the warm junior high school and began to fall in love early on, hanging out with young people in the society. The teacher informed the parents of the news, and A-Lian\’s parents accused each other of not taking care of their children, and the fight was inextricable again. Amidst the noise, A-Lian simply I packed a few clothes and went out, and followed my first love to the south. Two children with nothing to do, suffered all the hardships in the south and still couldn\’t survive. Later, Alian began to go out to sit on the stage. During an anti-pornography cleanup, Alian was arrested She was arrested and sent back to her hometown. She was already twenty-four or five years old at the time. She had not seen their daughter for nearly ten years. Instead of accepting the child with tenderness like in the movies and TV series, Alian\’s parents scolded her for bringing shame to the family. After scolding their daughter, the old couple started talking to each other endlessly.Blame each other. During their quarrel, Alian walked out of the house. Two days later, her body floated in the river west of the village. The daughter died, and the old couple became enemies. The old lady scolded the old man for annihilating his children and grandchildren, and the old man chased the old lady around the village with a stick. Looking at this couple who looked like they were living in ruins, I suddenly thought of Alian sadly. When we were twelve years old, we went to the circus hand in hand on the street of a small town. On that day, Alian smiled so happily. At dusk, the circus ended, and I pulled Alian home eagerly. She reluctantly stood up from the stage, walked a long way away, looked back and said: \”If you have been sitting here watching the circus all your life, you should How wonderful.\” At that time, I thought Alian was playful, but now I understand that she is a girl who has no home in her heart and is full of fear of going home. It is the nature of parents to love their children, but too many parents do not know what true love for their children is. Ayi is recognized as a lover of girls in her circle of friends. Growing up, her daughter had to try her best to pick down the stars in the sky even if she wanted them. Such a great father has a bad relationship with his wife. One of the words he kept on his lips all year round was: \”If it weren\’t for my daughter, I would have divorced her long ago.\” Ayi did not divorce his wife, and his love life was prosperous. In the end, he developed a regular mistress and bought her. He bought the house and the car and started a new stove on the other side. His wife was always crying at home, so Ayi took his daughter out to relax. The mistress knew how important her daughter was to Ayi, and she always flattered the girl every time she saw her. Gradually, Ayi\’s daughter also adapted to the reality of having two families. There is no shortage of money, and it seems that there is no shortage of love either. As the girl grows up, when she reaches the age of marriage, her love problems repeatedly hit the wall. There are many boys who like her, but she seems to have a hard time choosing between them. Triangular relationships and even polyamorous relationships occur again and again, and her reputation is getting worse and worse. Now, she is in her thirties and has not yet married. Ayi, who regarded his daughter as the top one, was very worried and spent a lot of money to find a psychiatrist to help her. After learning about the girl\’s growth history, the psychiatrist said: The one who ruined the child was none other than you, my child. Having been exposed to this kind of chaotic emotional relationship since childhood, it is impossible to establish a normal view on marriage and love… The words of the psychiatrist made Ayi beat her chest and feet. In this world, what tragedy can be more cruel than destroying the child she loves most with her own hands. No couple in the world is born to be a perfect match. The reason why many couples are able to seek common ground while reserving differences and try their best to maintain a peaceful family is not because they have no temper or are naturally well-educated, but because they love their children more than themselves. Every pair of parents is now their child’s family of origin. The quality of a child\’s native family will directly affect his life. This understanding is the key to testing whether parents are qualified. Dalizi has a fiery personality. Once, the couple had a dispute over something, and she ignored her husband in front of the children. After dropping off the children, I drove straight to my husband\’s work, called down the phone, and the two of them had a good fight in the car. After opening the car door, she pushed her husband down and walked away. When I get home from get off work in the evening, I talk and laugh with my husband in front of the children, as if nothing happened. There is also a young coupleAfter giving birth to a child, they made a gentleman\’s agreement that whoever gets angry with his partner in front of the child will automatically deposit a thousand yuan into the child\’s education fund. Now, when the child is just one year old, the little guy’s education fund has reached 10,000 yuan. Good parents are not perfect people, but from the moment they become parents, they no longer only consider themselves, but also prioritize their children. The moon waxes and wanes, and people gather and separate. A couple can be together or separated, but the only thing they can\’t do is let their children not feel love. Many people do not divorce in the name of their children, but they cannot bear the humiliation and pain in marriage and turn themselves into angry beasts. Such \”sacrifice\” is \”great\” from one\’s own point of view, but for children, it is an endless abyss. Since you have the courage to choose fatherhood and motherhood first, then stick to it. Otherwise, it would be better to break up and go our separate ways.