In addition to yelling and punishment, you must have a third solution

I like to read \”Awen\’s Little Blanket\” to Xinxin. Not only does she enjoy listening to it, but I can always get encouragement and inspiration from it. The book tells that Awen has a small blanket and he likes it very much. No matter where he goes or what he does, Awen will take it with him. The aunt next door felt that it was not good for Awen to carry a small blanket all the time because he was so old, so she couldn’t help but give suggestions to Awen’s parents and let them play the game of \”Blanket Elf\” with Awen – while Awen was sleeping. Then, he took away the blanket and replaced it with a toy that Awen liked. The next day, when Awen woke up, he told him that the blanket elf had flown away. Before going to bed, my parents gave Awen a rough explanation, but Awen secretly stuffed the blanket into his pants. Cause \”Plan A\” to fail. Awen\’s parents adopted \”Plan B\” of \”denying the little blanket\”. They said that the little blanket was dirty, shabby, and old, but this still did not affect Awen\’s love for the little blanket. At this time, the \”nosy\” aunt next door came up with another good idea: the method of soaking the blanket in vinegar. Awen found the smell unpleasant and naturally stopped playing with it. But the result was that in order to eliminate the strange smell, Awen put the small blanket in the sand, rubbed it, buried it in the garden, and dug it out again. Although there was still a little strange smell, Awen didn\’t care at all and continued to work every day. Take it with you. \”Plan C\” fell through. Finally, school was about to start for Awen. In order to stop Awen from taking a blanket to school every day, his parents had no choice but to stop him loudly and sternly: \”No!\” and \”No.\” Awen cried aggrievedly. Awen was crying, and her mother suddenly came up with a good idea. She cut the small blanket and sewed it into N small handkerchiefs. Awen was very happy. Now he always carries a small handkerchief with him wherever he goes. The aunt next door doesn\’t talk much anymore. What I love about this story is how it relates to the challenges we face in parenting. When facing challenges, we may already be a little worried, and the fuss from friends around us makes us even more anxious. Often, we threaten the child, deny the child, or violently separate him from the things he enjoys. We try our best to stop the child, but we often fail to stop him. But if you calm down and let go of your anxiety, there will actually be a smarter way. Just like Awen\’s mother, after turning the small blanket into a small handkerchief, Awen\’s behavior is no longer weird. Because of this story, I often remind myself, when I encounter a \”challenge\”, will I have a different solution? Can it be solved more intelligently? Unexpectedly, I put it into practice not long ago. In the winter in the north, the home has heating, and the indoor temperature is about 20 degrees Celsius. I love freedom and like to \”run naked\” at home. I was a little worried that she would catch a cold, and it really felt unsightly. Grandpa urged her over and over again to quickly put on her clothes. But the more she talked, the more rebellious she became. Grandma threatened her: \”If you don\’t wear clothes, I won\’t like you!\” But the little girl \”talked back\” confidently: \”Mom likes me!\” I couldn\’t laugh or cry at the side. I sympathized with her and told her my worries, but she comforted me: \”Mom, it\’s okay, I won\’t catch a cold!\” When everyone was at their wits\’ end, they gave me this \”difficult\” task again. Who made me the mother? She is also a mother who specializes in \”parenting\”. I\’m thinking, a good idea suddenly appeared. I picked up the little orangutan and badminton next to me. The story started: Badminton said: \”Little gorilla, let me tell you a secret: Xinxin can\’t dress herself!\” The little gorilla didn\’t believe it: \”How could it be? I\’ve seen her dress herself. She not only knows how to dress herself, but also You know how to button, and you can even wear pants!\” Just like that, you and I were arguing word by word, and laughed heartily. Taking advantage of the few minutes when Badminton was turned away, Ma Liu put on her clothes. Look, another way, the \”challenge\” is easily solved. After reading this, some people may wonder, do parents really want to rack their brains to coax their children like this? After going to school and entering society, who would treat him so \”gently\”? By doing this, are we cultivating flowers in a greenhouse? I have also wondered this. Indeed, when children are young, parents encounter challenges that cannot be solved. When we show our \” trump card\” – \”beat them up\”, we can usually solve the problem. But what are the long-term effects? Parents have established an authoritative role, but the bond of connection and communication between children and us has been broken. I once heard a mother recalling the education of her son in the past and talking about her previous emotional out-of-control. She said with some regret that she would have grandchildren in the future. Now, I will definitely control my temper well, don\’t be anxious when things happen, and calm me down slowly. I don’t think this is doting, but she understands that every child needs to be treated in the most gentle way by the people closest to him. The core of family education lies in the parent-child relationship. When we laugh and strengthen the parent-child relationship over and over again, no matter how difficult the child encounters in the future, you will be his safest haven. So why don’t we try a smarter solution besides yelling and punishing?