Boys who didn’t cry enough when they were young, how can their emotional intelligence be so high?

When a crying boy is not blessed, will you give birth to a boy or a girl? Have you ever thought that our attitudes towards boys and girls crying are completely opposite? If a girl falls while running, even if she just scratches a shallow skin with her palm and starts crying, her parents will come over and ask, \”Oh, does it hurt?\” If it\’s a little boy, the attitude is the opposite: \”No, it doesn\’t.\” Did the toy fall to the ground? What\’s there to cry about?\” \”Isn\’t it just broken? Don\’t be so squeamish and cry.\” \”Stop crying! If you cry anymore, you won\’t be a man!\” Especially the last sentence , 100% of parents have said this to their sons! Out of professional habit, I captured the subtle expressions of the boys at this time: they curled their lips first, with a sense of shame on their faces, knowing that \”crying\” was not acceptable; Yang gritted his teeth and swallowed back the tears on his face. In the end, he felt unhappy and lowered his head and followed his parents home. Someone on Zhihu put it well: Not letting boys cry is as heinous and full of sexism as in the old society, \”Girls, just stay at home to raise your husband and raise your children, what are you doing when you go out to the public?\” My \”crybaby\” son has become the most popular child. My child Maodou is a somewhat sensitive child. Although he is not a high sensitive child, he cries more than other children. When the toy fell on the ground and got soaked in water, he burst into tears; when his little hamster died, he cried out of breath; when he saw the bear in the picture book crashing into a car, he shed tears of sadness; I ride slower than other kids my age and cry when I can\’t catch up. His grandma said: \”Why do you cry so often!\” My grandma and I said: You can\’t say to Maodou: \”Boys can\’t cry!\” His grandma was stopped many times and said angrily: When your child grows up, Don\’t blame me if you turn into a crybaby! After attending kindergarten for half a year, I discovered that instead of becoming a crybaby, Maodou became the most popular child in the kindergarten. Twice, when we arrived at the kindergarten late, other children had already had breakfast, but when they saw Edamame, they all greeted him warmly: \”Here comes Edamame! Breakfast!\” Moreover, more than one person shouted, Half of the children in the class were waving their hands and enthusiastically calling Maodou over. I asked the teacher: \”Edamame is really popular with people!\” The teacher told me: Your Edamame is the most comforting child in the class. When some children cry, other children just stare blankly. Mao Dou will walk up to them, pat their shoulders, and say to them: \”Cry, you are sad, I know.\” The teacher then added: \”Mao Dou seems to have a problem.\” This ability is stronger than other children, that is, he can accurately perceive other people\’s emotions, and can also let people express their emotions freely. He should have grown up in an environment where crying was never suppressed! His own emotions He has never been stopped artificially, so he will not judge or interfere with other people\’s emotions.\” I joked with the teacher: It seems that if you cry enough when you are a child, your emotional intelligence will naturally be higher when you grow up! I have observed the boys around me, their expressions of forbearance and unwillingness after their parents stopped them from crying.Qu, can\’t be found in Edamame at all. A normal child\’s crying should be done with a pure heart. When you cry, you cry happily, when you laugh, you laugh innocently. Your emotions come and go completely freely, without a trace of grievance or pretense, and they come and go without any trace. In the past three and a half years, I have never said to Maodou once: \”Don\’t cry.\” Instead, I seriously waited for him to finish crying every time. Even outdoors, his crying attracted the curiosity of the onlookers. Eyes, even if he cried because of a trivial moment, I would hold back the pressure and let him finish crying, cry enough, and let his emotions calm down naturally instead of being stopped by me. Only you who have cried completely once are a man. If you don\’t let your child cry, he may become a \”violent boy.\” In Maodou\’s kindergarten, there is a little boy in the middle class who always likes to hit others. His mother always says aggrievedly: \”Every time I hit someone, I stop him.\” Why is he still beating me?\” One day, I met her in the aisle when I was picking up my child. She was saying to the frustrated child, \”Stop crying! They are now men, and they are still crying.\” The child sobbed and swallowed. She shed tears, but her emotions did not calm down, they were just suppressed. I think the reason for her child\’s violence may be related to \”not being allowed to cry enough.\” Children\’s emotions will not be suppressed, nor can they always be tolerated. They will definitely find another outlet or form to vent them. As far as her children are concerned, those unsupported cries are just replaced by \”anger\” sprayed on others. When many boys feel stressed, they will directly vent their anger in \”violent\” ways, such as hitting things, hitting walls, hitting people, etc. Because their adrenaline will be secreted rapidly when their emotions explode, so they must use some kind of method first. He uses movements to release his emotions and waits for the adrenaline rush to pass before he can calm down. No one wants their son to grow up to be a \”violent man\”, but if you suppress his crying, it will inevitably bring negative consequences! Children who don’t cry are the most worrying people. During the Wenchuan earthquake in 2008, some psychologists went to Wenchuan for emergency support and helped with the psychological development of orphans who had lost their parents. I asked them: \”Looking at the crying children in the photos is really worrying!\” Friends who went to support said: \”The ones who cry are still good. What we are more worried about are the children who cannot cry.\” For children, tears are a reliever of negative emotions, and their mood becomes clearer after crying. When a child wants to cry but cannot cry, the path for emotional relief will be blocked. When faced with great grief, children who can cry out recover faster than children who cannot cry out smoothly. This is why when they were young, boys were always taught that they “can’t cry like girls.” However, when they enter adolescence, the incidence of depression in boys far exceeds that in girls. When girls encounter sad things, they can talk, shed tears, and cry bitterly. They can be comforted by others and say, \”It\’ll be fine after you finish crying.\” However, boys\’ normal crying is always considered to be \”mother, mother-in-law, emotional.\” Fragile\”. When will these gender stereotypes be recognized? A boy\’s forbearance in childhood lays a fragile foundation for his physical and mental health in adulthood. What should you do next time a boy cries?What to do? 1) Wait quietly for him to finish crying; when a boy cries, few parents stop and wait quietly, letting their children cry as long as they want. Most parents would look at their boys with an embarrassed look on their faces, avoiding the questioning glances from all directions, hoping that their children would stop crying quickly. Some mothers say that my education level is not high and I don’t know what you call “empathy”! I want to say that you wait patiently and quietly for him to finish crying. You don’t need to do anything during the period, just stay with him. Be thick-skinned, this is your child, no matter what others think. 2) Do not use any words of evaluation. Do not use words such as \”should\”, \”can\’t\”, \”good\”, \”bad\”, etc. The child\’s emotion is neutral and you can repeat the child\’s feelings by saying, \”Well, you cried.\” But don\’t judge him. To a large extent, this is called self-cultivation. Get away with biased comments such as \”boys shouldn\’t cry\” and \”crying is not a good thing\”. 3) Parents should do a good job in psychological construction themselves: Many parents have a version of themselves who cried and was humiliated when they were children. Therefore, when children cry for a long time, the parents are the most intolerable. However, we should not repeat repressed things to our children just because we were repressed in childhood. It is normal for boys to cry. Crying is neutral, not negative. \”Boys are still crying!\” This is probably the most harmful sentence to boys! But boys who didn’t cry enough when they were young generally don’t have much higher emotional intelligence. Therefore, only by letting a boy cry once can he become a real little man!