The brain is a good thing, please take it with you when raising a baby

The baby cries, should I hug him or not? For mothers, this may be more of a question than \”life or death\”. If you don\’t hug me, there will be a little person in your heart who says: You don\’t hug the baby even when he cries. Why are you so cruel? Are you your biological mother? If you hug her, another little person will say: You hug her whenever she cries, dote on your child, and spoil her again. You are an unfit mother! I\’m afraid every new mother will be caught in this kind of battle between heaven and man many times throughout the day. It\’s really sad to hold her, and even more sad not to hold her. Don’t you know that this is just the beginning, and you will encounter more problems like this in the future, such as: the baby has a lot of milk at night, whether to give the baby or not to sleep hard, whether to train the baby to have a tantrum, or whether to coax the baby If you have a fever, whether you should go to the hospital or not, whether your baby has made a mistake, whether to give birth to a child or not, whether to give birth to a child or not… Even if they have completely opposite views, they can each find a large number of supporting arguments. It seems that no matter what you do, it makes sense, but it seems that no matter what you do, it is unreliable. Every child is different, and every parent’s parenting style is also different. There is no standard answer to parenting. It is normal to have different opinions. Even famous parenting gurus abroad have been at each other’s throats for decades. Woolen cloth. Orange doesn\’t actually hate disagreements. I only particularly hate one way of expressing opinions, which is the \”emotional\” way of expression. If you don’t give XXX, you are harming your child. If you don’t give XXX to your child, you will regret it all your life. Mom, the whole world owes you a hug. Do you know how innocent, pitiful and sad your child is? Do you know how ignorant you are? It\’s too bad and irresponsible. Do you know how great, powerful and amazing you are… Words that express this kind of expression may make you have negative emotions such as fear, self-blame, regret, anger, grievance, etc., or they may arouse you to excitement. Positive emotions such as pride, complacency, pride, etc., no matter how beautiful the language, how touching the lyrics, or even how correct the views expressed, are useless or even harmful words. Because if you read this kind of expression too much, it will make people lose the ability to think rationally, and they will become flustered and dominated by various emotions when encountering problems. Being dominated by emotions is actually very dangerous, because when you are caught up in emotions, your thoughts will be completely different because of your emotions, and they will all be very reasonable. The same is true of a crying baby. If you feel guilty, you will think: The baby is so pitiful, the baby needs me, and I will hold you for the rest of my life… If you are very tired and fall into an irritable mood, you will I thought: Why is this child so disobedient and capable? He has been holding you for so long, and why is he still not satisfied? Did I owe you in my previous life? It is impossible for a person to maintain one emotion all the time. Emotions will change due to the influence of physical state and external environment. This change is difficult for you to control. Scientific research has proven that human emotions are mainly changed by hormones. affected. If the way you treat your baby does not have a unified standard and direction, it all depends on your mood. \”One second a mother is kind and her son is filial, and the next second she is in a hurry.\” It changes several times a day. It is not only you who are various throughout the day. If you struggle with regrets, your children will also fall into uneasiness because they can\’t figure out your rules. Although raising a baby requiresWe need a lot of love, but \”love\” itself cannot solve the problem. To solve the problem, the most useful thing is to collect information, and then use reason, analysis, logic, and practice to find a stable and effective solution. , and a parenting path that suits you and your children. In short, you have to be careful when raising a baby, but don’t forget to bring your brain with you. How can you raise a baby with your brains? Chengzi summarized some of his own experiences here. Expose yourself to different perspectives. Parenting methods are very diverse, and no one is absolutely correct. At that time, Chengzi also practiced intimacy parenting and felt that sleep training was incredible. He would argue with people on the forum all day long. However, it was because of this quarrel that I saw more other opinions, although I did not agree with these opinions at the time. But it will plant a seed in my heart. When I find that my children and I are not actually suitable for intimate parenting, that seed will take root and sprout. Today\’s Internet environment is not like what I used to do. People are gradually only able to see what they want to see. This makes it easy for people to get into trouble and go all the way. Even if it is obviously inappropriate and unhappy, they are still unhappy. Knowing change is called \”persistence\”. All I suggest to mothers is that even if you have prejudices, you should look at other viewpoints, plant more seeds in your mind, and finally see which seeds will really take root in the environment you are in. To develop the habit of keeping records, you must know that human memory is inaccurate and will deviate according to people\’s tendencies. Therefore, when people are not living a satisfactory life now, recalling the past is always good. In fact, the past It may not be beautiful either. In fact, as long as you keep records, you will understand the truth about many memories that deceive you. At that time, Mao Tou was a newborn with a chaotic schedule, bloating, and a lot of crying. When he cried, my father-in-law wanted to breastfeed and said that the baby was hungry. He said that I felt guilty and felt that the baby seemed to be really hungry. As a result, I seem to be feeding all day long, my schedule is even more messy, and I cry less. Later, I took a notebook to record what time I ate, how much I ate, how long I slept, and when I cried. After I recorded more data, I naturally found a lot of patterns. I knew how long Maotou could last after a feeding, when and under what circumstances he would cry easily, and how long he needed to sleep before he was full. With these data, The answers to many things will naturally come out. Almost all baby care books in the United States require parents to record the baby\’s daily routine for a period of time before making changes, because the record itself is more conducive to understanding the real situation and making more rational judgments. Many parents claim that their children eat less or are picky eaters, but once they are asked to record everything their children eat for a day, and record for a period of time, they will find that their children do not actually eat very little, and are picky eaters, but these parents Because I was too worried and anxious, I just magnified the memory of skipping a certain meal or a certain day. Know your general principle: You can’t have your cake and eat it too, you can’t have your cake and eat it too. Everyone knows the truth of this sentence, but it is not so easy to do it. Many people always imagine that they want both fish and bear\’s paws, but in the end they bothNone were caught. The dual goals are complicated and difficult to achieve. Don\’t be too greedy. If you can grasp a general principle, you will not worry about gains and losses, fear of sacrifices and losses, and struggle all day long. For example, during the newborn period, many needs are contradictory. For example, chasing milk and regular work and rest are contradictory, soothing gas and developing sleep habits are contradictory, and latch and sucking training is contradictory to mother and child\’s adequate rest. Which one you want, you have to weigh the pros and cons and make up your mind. If you want one, you have to give up on the other. If you give up, you can\’t regret it. So in fact, I admire some old people who chase after feeding. Their principle is very firm, which is to let their children eat more and make them fat. This is more important than anything else, so they can work tirelessly to tease and chase them. , never complain or get angry, this attitude is actually quite good in a sense, at least both children and the elderly have gained inner peace and will not be unhappy. If you have a goal, you will not be confused. If you want to raise a child smoothly, then first figure out what you want most. Think hard and don’t be impulsive. The ultimate question is: when the baby cries, can you hug it or not? Asking this sentence is a hooligan, because there is no preset situation, and you actually don’t know why the baby is crying. In fact, crying for different reasons has different ways to deal with it. Whether it is hugged or not, it may be wrong. Yes, they could all be wrong. So, in the final analysis, how you act is not the point. The point is the motivation of the action, whether it is emotional, whether you hug him because you think he is \”so pitiful and needs me\”, or you think he is \”spoiled and a debt collector\”. \”Not hugging is wrong. What you should do is to calmly analyze the child\’s cry, combine your previous experience and the child\’s performance, and make the next judgment after thinking: It may be \”He went to bed a little late today and was a little tired, so he took a nap. I\’ll wait.\” Wait and see, go back in 10 minutes and see how it goes.\” It could also be \”His crying today is different from usual. Maybe he really feels uncomfortable somewhere. I\’ll go take a look.\” Using this way of thinking as a starting point, no matter whether your judgment is accurate or not, your approach is correct. Even if it is wrong, it will be valuable experience and basis for future judgments. If you think diligently, you will have room for improvement and find the best method. However, if you rely on emotion, you will never be able to grasp the scale well and fall into the vicious cycle of \”death when you catch it, chaos when you let go\”. Who hasn’t had stumbling blocks on the road to parenting, and who hasn’t struggled with it? But if you struggle too much, you must find a methodology that suits you. Only then can your ability to raise children really grow! I hope that my friends will not be dominated by emotions and go on the road with their heads in mind when fighting with their babies. Less lyrical, less high-profile. Ask more \”Why is this?\” \”What should I do?\”