Does your child have a bad temper? Congratulations, he may become a general

A few days ago, a reader left me a message: My daughter is three years old and has a very bad temper. She will cry and yell when her demands are not met. I told her to keep her voice down, but it didn\’t work very well. For example, when we go downstairs together, her dad thinks she is slow, so he hugs her. She will be very angry, and then she will cry and yell, and she will beat up on her dad and kick her legs to protest… I especially hope that she is gentle. I am a girl, because I am more impatient and sometimes speak loudly, so I hope she can be different from me. How can I make my daughter learn to be gentle, so that she can talk smoothly without shouting? I often receive messages like this. I asked this mother a question: Why is it necessary to train a child who has a straightforward, independent and lively personality to be obedient, gentle and introverted? Every parent has an \”ideal child\” in their heart, and his appearance is mostly to make up for the parents\’ own shortcomings in character. For example, a tomboyish mother with an impatient personality often wants her daughter to be quiet, well-behaved, and look \”like a girl.\” On the contrary, those mothers who have always been more gentle and reserved hope that their daughters can be spicy and refreshing, and bravely fight for them. This is just like some parents who place their unfulfilled wishes and ideals on their children. Everyone is different, and children show certain characteristics when they are born. For example, some babies are quiet, peaceful, and afraid of strangers, while others are active, noisy, and not afraid of strangers. This is what is called \”temperament\” in psychology, which can be divided into four categories: choleric, sanguine, phlegmatic and melancholic. A person\’s temperament is extremely stable. My second child, Xiaonuo, is a typical choleric type. The characteristics of this temperament are: outgoing, easily excited, unstable, and quick to react. Let’s take a look at the dark history of classmate Xiao Nuo: Xiao Nuo is an impatient person. When she was 5 months old, she kept crying every time her grandma fed her rice noodles. After looking at it for a while, I understood the problem: Grandma always mixed the rice noodles and started feeding the children, using a small spoon to feed and blow at the same time. But Xiao Nuo was impatient. When he put a spoonful of rice noodles into his mouth, he swallowed it down, then eagerly waited for the next bite, and started crying when he couldn\’t wait. I told grandma that next time I must wait until the temperature of the rice noodles is right before I start feeding her, and move faster, one spoon after another. Grandma suddenly realized that she never cried while eating rice noodles again. Grandma couldn\’t help but sigh: I have never seen such a anxious child. When little Nuo was eight or nine months old, Nuo Xi\’s father peeled grapes for her to eat. Once again, she cried while eating. I reminded her father to peel ten grapes and save them before starting to feed her. Xiao Nuo\’s emotions were particularly strong. When I was one and a half years old, my grandma returned to her hometown. From then on, my mother had to do laundry and cooking, and could not accompany her at any time. One day I was busy cooking, and she, who was not used to playing alone, cried and asked me to hold her. She lay on the ground and cried non-stop. In the end, she hit her forehead on the tile floor, causing her forehead to turn red. The message she conveyed to me at that moment was: If you don’t hug me, I am in great pain. This pain cannot be expressed in words and has nowhere to express it. Even if I fight with my head, I can only express it.two. I had no choice but to pick her up and start holding the baby with one hand and cooking with the other. When Xiao Nuo gets angry, his anger almost breaks through his body, making everyone around him feel the same. For example, she may sweep everything on the coffee table to the floor and smash everything she is holding on the floor. Even if experience tells her that she will be severely punished by her mother for doing so, it cannot stop her from doing this. One day when she was in her early two years, she sat on her little stool and ate every grain of rice in her bowl, feeling very proud of herself. I heard her yell: \”I\’ve finished eating!\” Then she raised the bowl in her hand high and threw it into the distance. With a loud noise, the porcelain bowl instantly shattered into pieces on the floor of the living room… Sadness Heartbroken, beaming with joy, earth-shattering with anger, her emotions were always so strong. Choleric children are particularly persistent. One time I was riding the subway with Xiao Nuo, who was eight or nine months old, and the aunt next to me had a decoration pinned on her clothes. Xiao Nuo was particularly interested in it and always wanted to pull it off. I was worried that Xiaonuo would pull it off, so I took out the toys in the mommy bag and tried to divert her attention. Xiaonuo played with concentration, and I was secretly happy. But who would have expected that after a while, Xiao Nuo put down the toy and went to pull the decoration on Auntie\’s body. I tried my best, but no matter what I tried, I could only attract her for a little while at a time. In the end, even the aunt next to me found it interesting and took out the mini Ipad in her bag to play cartoons for Xiaonuo to watch. I think her attention must have been successfully diverted this time. But after watching the cartoon for ten minutes, she stretched out her little hand to the decoration… In the following years, Xiaonuo proved her persistence countless times. She must get whatever she wants and do whatever she wants. Things must be done, and if they are stopped or interrupted, it may cause her to resist fiercely or even get angry. She is willing to overcome some difficulties and endure a certain amount of pain in order to achieve her goals. Choleric people have better organizational skills. One time when I was playing in the community, I met two sisters who were a few days younger than us, and an older brother who was three months older. After running around for a while, the four children decided to play the game of eagle and chicken. Xiaonuo took the initiative to make arrangements: you will be the mother chicken, you will be the eagle, you will be the chick… When someone raises objections, Xiaonuo will make adjustments in time. Later they played singing and dancing, and Xiao Nuo arranged who would sing and who would dance. When we were playing the game of fishing, Xiaonuo took the initiative to invite me and another mother to be fishermen, and the children all acted as fish. In all these games, we adults just watched and did not participate. It was all played spontaneously by the children. This is often the case at home. For example, if the whole family is going to play in the park, Xiaonuo will arrange who is responsible for bringing the tent, who is responsible for carrying the garbage downstairs, etc. I think maybe it is because Xiaonuo is impatient and is anxious to play, so he cannot wait. If you procrastinate, you can only take the initiative to organize and arrange. Psychologists believe that choleric children are prone to aggressive tendencies and are more aggressive when getting along with their peers. Therefore, whether it is parents or teachers, when faced with choleric children, they mustPay attention to cultivating their emotional stability. I was worried that Xiaonuo would hit her classmates after entering kindergarten because she had a bad temper, and she was born in September and was the eldest sister in the class. Fortunately, no beatings occurred even once. This is due to my efforts to cultivate her expressive ability: she has ideas and requirements to speak out, and only people with insufficient brains can do it. I also paid great attention to cultivating her concept of property rights: Never touch other people\’s things without permission. This can greatly reduce conflicts between her and her classmates. Regarding children\’s emotional problems, I once told Xiaonuo: There is a bear and a rabbit living in everyone\’s heart. When the rabbit comes out, he is very cute, and when the bear comes out, he has a bad temper. People are annoying. We must try to control our inner bear and prevent it from breaking out of its cage. Whenever she wants to lose her temper, I remind her: Take care of that bear! Sometimes such reminders work, sometimes they don\’t. I am also more tolerant of her thunderous rage because I understand it is a way for her to vent her emotions. Even if I occasionally damage items at home, I accept it. More than half a month ago, a friend called me to ask about her niece\’s problem: she is easily agitated, has a particularly bad temper, gets angry and shakes the earth, is stubborn, and must get what she wants, otherwise she will not give up… She asked me What to do. After listening to her description, I could see what Xiao Nuo would look like a few years later, and I immediately understood how difficult it was for my friend\’s brother and sister-in-law. Choleric children, who are often emotionally intense and opinionated (disobedient), are often called \”difficult to raise\”. Children with sanguine and phlegmatic temperaments, who are calm and stable in mood and willing to listen to others\’ advice (obedient), are often called \”easy to raise\”. Having a difficult-to-raise child at home is a great challenge to the parents\’ patience and emotional intelligence. However, each temperament has its own characteristics. There are only differences between them, and there is no distinction between them. At the same time, most people have a mixture of the two temperaments. As parents, we need to understand the temperament characteristics of our children, then accept and tolerate our children, provide appropriate guidance during the parenting process, and use our strengths and avoid weaknesses. Instead of shaping the child into the \”ideal child\” we expect. Is your child grumpy? Then he may be a choleric child. He is smart and persistent, has strong organizational and management skills, and is good at guiding. He may become a general in the future!