Don’t blame the child for being disobedient, it’s just that you don’t understand the truth [Good in-depth article]

On the weekend, I made an appointment with a friend to take the children out to play, and the location was set at the Botanical Garden. But early in the morning, a friend called me and said, \”I guess there will be no chance today!\” After asking, I learned that the child was having a tantrum with his friend, and the more he cried, the harder he cried. My friend was also very aggrieved. “I accidentally broke my child’s toy box. I told him to buy a new one, but the child still refused to let me go. He has been crying for an hour… I don’t want to take such a disobedient child.” He went out to play!\” There was another cry on the other end of the phone… Is all this really because the child is disobedient? A child\’s beloved thing has been destroyed. Do you really understand how he feels? Many parents only see something broken and just buy a new one. However, the child has already established a certain \”emotion\” with this object in his heart. If you do this, it will only make the child sad. At the time of high school graduation, a \”routine\” scene took place: a group of students tore up their books and scattered into the air, shouting \”Liberation!\” But I hesitated while looking at the textbooks in my hands. I don’t want to recall the heavy workload of studying in high school, but I really can’t bear to tear up these textbooks that have always been with me. My classmates said that I have no courage and that I still miss such a \”hard\” life. I had no choice but to symbolically tear up an insignificant homework book and throw it into the sky to complete the \”graduation ceremony\”… Now that I think about it, I am still pleased with my wise move at the time. Even in college, I had a quarrel with my mother over books. I collected the books from junior high school in several large boxes and put them in the storage room. Over the years, the cardboard boxes become dusty, but I feel at ease with them. During the summer vacation of my sophomore year, I suddenly remembered an article in a middle school textbook, and then I flipped through it in my storage room. But they found that they were no longer there, and their original positions were replaced by old TV sets. I quickly asked my mother. My mother said nonchalantly, \”Sell it to a scrap collector!\” \”Why don\’t you tell me?\” \”What\’s the point of selling used books? It would be nice if someone takes it!\” \”Why don\’t you use your broken TV? Selling it, is it more precious than my book?\” \”That was left by your grandfather, I have a thought.\” At that moment, I wanted to control my anger, but it still burst out. I had a big fight with my mother that day and didn\’t eat for a whole day. \”If you don\’t eat, you will fall down. I really don\’t know why I am so angry about a few broken books?\” My mother was very puzzled. Today, maybe I wouldn\’t have yelled at my mother so directly, but I couldn\’t hide the feeling of loss in my heart. The book itself may not be of much use, but it has left many memories of my school days. A lesson from failing in an exam; a thrill from getting a high score; a teacher’s encouragement after making progress. In my opinion, books are a kind of carrier, recording all the stories of my learning and growth. So, since then, I have never let my mother manage all my things. Even if these things are kept at the bottom of the box and even if they are exposed to rats, they are still extremely precious to me. However, parents often ignore their children\’s inner thoughts, replace their children\’s feelings with their own, and blame their children for being ignorant. Parents lack empathy and adults are angry, let alone children? What is the sameRational? Empathy, also known as perspective taking, immersion, and empathy, refers to a way of putting yourself in the other person\’s shoes and thinking, that is, in the process of interpersonal communication, you can experience other people\’s emotions and thoughts, and understand other people\’s positions. and feelings, and think and deal with problems from the perspective of others. It is mainly reflected in aspects related to emotional intelligence such as emotional self-control, perspective taking, listening ability, and expression of respect. (From the Internet) In short, it is empathy. Imagining that I am her and how \”I\” would feel when encountering what she is going through is not empathy. Imagining that I am her and encountering what she has gone through, how \”she\” would feel, this is empathy. Rather than reasoning and comforting, the child needs someone to understand his feelings. I was reminded of my own experiences in middle school. It was the flag-raising ceremony for the second grade of junior high school, and I was appointed as the flag-raiser for the next week. I was really excited at that time, because being able to become a flag-raiser is the pride of every student, and it is a sign of a student who has both good character and academic performance. Before the flag-raising on Monday, we have to undergo some flag-raising ceremony rehearsals, including the position when the flag is raised, the movement of the flag, the speed of pulling the rope, and the school motto… The more I think about it, the more excited I am, and from time to time I see myself standing in front of the flag in my mind. scene. However, my excitement gradually turned into a nervous state of mind. I always made mistakes in the short four-sentence school motto, and this was noticed by the teacher. Later, a fourth classmate appeared in the rehearsal team. Yes, his academic performance was similar to mine. He also served as a study committee member. He was just a class representative. The most important thing was that his school motto was memorized better than me! I realized that I had become a \”spare tire\”… Many years later, I still remember that on the day of the flag-raising, I was in the audience with all my classmates in the grade. I watched the classmates who had rehearsed with me complete the flag-raising accompanied by the national anthem. ceremony. I was depressed for a while, and felt like I had knocked over a five-flavor bottle. I should have been the one standing on the stage… At the age of 13, I felt wronged, worried, lost, and even ashamed, but I had never told my parents or classmates about these feelings. I\’m afraid that everyone will laugh at me and laugh at me for worrying about this little thing. If someone tells me, I understand how you feel, you must be sad and frustrated that you have worked hard for so long and never got a chance to be on stage. Maybe this incident, like many things that happened in middle school, has become a thing of the past, and it will not linger in my mind for so many years. …Back to the beginning of the article, the friend and her child. If I were my friend, I would hug him and tell him, \”Mom didn\’t mean it. I also know that this little box is your favorite. Now it has been broken by your mother. You are unhappy. Mom will take you out.\” Would you like to play?\” I thought the child would calm down slowly.