I was scolded by my 3-year-old child, but I couldn’t reply

\”You\’re a bad dad, I hate you!\” \”I\’m not a bad dad, I\’m a good dad!\” \”I don\’t want you to be my dad, hum.\” \”Hey, little bastard. I just confiscated your toys, but… I disown my relatives.\” The father and son argued endlessly in the living room, and the father was defeated and went to the study angrily. Seeing this scene, I couldn\’t help but want to laugh. This is not an adult educating a child. It\’s just like the \”eldest son\” and the younger son are fighting each other. Another time, it happened between a child and her grandmother. The child also yelled at her grandmother: \”Bad grandma, I hate you! Go away and don\’t stay here anymore!\” My mother\’s reaction was different from that of my husband. She didn\’t dare to be angry with her child, but she cried to me: \”Look at your son, I am so good to him, and he actually said this to me, it is so heartless, woo woo woo…\” At this moment, I felt that I Mom is the \”child\” who needs more comfort. Thinking back, has something similar happened to you at home? When your child said to you \”I hate you, I hate you\” for the first time and even came over and hit you with his little fist, did you feel shocked, angry or frustrated by your child\’s \”unfilial piety\”? ,sad? But do you know? When a child scolds us, he is not wrong. It is us who are wrong, including our reaction and response at the time. Why do we get upset when our children are so \”rude\” to us? It\’s us who feel offended, and what our children say and do is beyond our control. The feelings at this time all start from \”I\”, and what I consider is \”I\” myself. When we hear such extreme words from our children, we are all immersed in \”my\” emotions, so we respond to the child\’s words with \”my\” feelings, without considering the child\’s feelings at the time. In the eyes of onlookers, the adults are childishly fighting with the children at this time. What is the difference between them and the children? So, how should we correctly view this \”rude\” behavior of children? From a child\’s perspective, it is natural for him to express his anger bravely and freely when he feels that he is not valued or treated unfairly. This shows that he is a person who understands his feelings, a person who has the courage to express himself, a person who dares to say no, and a person who can defend his rights. What an important ability this is! If a child is violated but does not dare to express his anger, he will slowly swallow his anger and seek peace, and will not dare to refuse other people\’s unreasonable demands. Such children become well-behaved children who appear to be loved by everyone, but at the expense of expressing their true selves. Among adults, this phenomenon is too common: when getting along with others, it is obviously difficult, but they always try not to say anything; when encountering conflicts, they are afraid of others being angry and always aggrieved themselves; they have suppressed dissatisfaction for a long time, but suddenly burst out, making others angry. Inexplicable… Is this the kind of person we want our children to grow up to be? In no mood! Therefore, when you hear a child say \”I hate you\” angrily, the correct understanding is that the child can tell his true thoughts and feelings at the time, which shows that they are growing. When very young children say \”I hate you, I hate you,\” they may be experiencing the power of language. Children aged 3-4 years will go through a sensitive period of \”curse\” language. At this time, some foul words like \”I hate you\”, \”beat you to death\”, \”you are stupid\” and so on often come out of their mouths, especially when the children find that these words are powerful and can be like sharp swords. When stabbing others, they will try to imitate similar language to attack others, attract others\’ attention, and achieve their own goals. The more they see that adults care about this, the happier they will be and the more they will use similar language over and over again to show their power. If adults do not understand this psychology of children, they will fall into an endless \”power struggle\” with their children. Think about how frustrating it is to be a parent. Can’t you retaliate when you scold and hit? Can we just let our children be \”bullied\” like this? Of course, because you are not a child. The best thing to do is to ignore it and not reinforce it. The subtext in my heart is: I am an adult and I will not \”play\” with a little kid like you. Let\’s see if you can still scold me. When we understand that behind children’s anger, they are actually seeking love and attention. They say \”I hate you, I hate you\”, but they are actually saying \”I love you, I need you.\” Are you still sad? Many girls in love should know this best. When a boyfriend only cares about playing games without accompanying her, few girls will directly say \”I want you to accompany me\”, but angrily say \”What else do you do besides playing games every day? How annoying!\” If the girl takes her words seriously, a quarrel is probably inevitable. The same reason why many couples cannot communicate effectively leads to quarrels in the end. That’s why women should listen to such “experience” instead. Children are the same. Think about it, every time your child gets angry and angry at you, is it because you ignore him and fail to see his true needs? Or did you stop him when he was having fun? For example, your child wants you to play with him, but you are looking at your phone; your child doesn’t want to eat vegetables, but you force him to eat them; your child wants to listen to you tell a story before going to bed, but you say you are too tired and you don’t want to tell it; your child is concentrating on piles of food. Mu, but you said: Come here, daddy, give me a hug… Dear mom and dad, when a child knows how to \”resist\” you and \”fight back\” you, it means that his character consciousness has begun to form. Please accept his \”anger\” instead of taking it lightly. He was given some labels: rude, heartless, unfilial, useless, and a white-eyed wolf. The following tips are provided by experienced parents. I believe that many young parents can help their children grow up in a more reasonable way when facing the same situation: ❶ I believe that I have tried my best to be a good parent. What the child said was not the truth. There was no need for me to be angry. I could not fight violence with violence or use the same words to retaliate against the child, nor could I suppress the child and prevent him from expressing his true feelings. ❷Acknowledge the child\’s feelings, hug the child, and talk to him sincerely: \”It seems that you are really angry and hate me now? Why, can you talk to me?\” ❸Admit your imperfections and tell your child , I did not do well enough in some places. But I care about your feelings. the most important point isIt is necessary to establish a good intimate relationship with children and allow them to express their emotions correctly. When children are \”rude\” to us, we can calmly know the truth behind these harsh words, discover the real needs behind the children, and give the correct response. Only by communicating attentively will these venomous little shrews and foul-mouthed little devils be able to open themselves up more and more confidently, dare to face their own needs correctly, and have good communication skills. Help them build a sound personality, have a gentle character, and become better people. This is not only what children need most, but also a self-growth for parents.